Last winter I decided that I should probably line a few things up proactively to manage the cold, newly single, inside season. One thing I did was join a local spa that had a great gym (until the best one ever opened at Soules Sports and Fitness;shameless plug here.) and THE best conditioner in the showers ever. A form of community, where no one made eye contact and I could be anonymous while being part of a whole and getting my sweat on. I admit it sounds a bit convoluted now but it worked, for that time.  The other decision I made was to learn how to play the guitar.

The spa was to give myself something away from the challenges of the newly single experience. So I didn't become, shall we say, cranky.  The guitar is something I had tried years, ahem, decades, ago, for about a week. I had taken clarinet and voice lessons for ten years in school so I thought, ok, so I learn a few chords and pluck out a tune or two and feel accomplished in my mature self.

Oh my goodness was I misleading myself. I'm glad I was because it gave me the courage to call Pat, the queen of all patient people, to see if she was brave enough to take me on as a student. She may be reassessing this now, but she said yes. So, the guitar is hard. It is way hard. It is so hard, anyone who plays it should be given moments of silence as we stand in wonder at their abilities. My guitar and I have had words, well, I used words, it just sat there all high and mighty and string like.

It probably doesn't come as a surprise that I have a pretty high drive for anything I attempt. It's how I'm wired. Why go half in? What I had forgotten about those ten years of music is I started out sounding pretty awful. Mom made me practice in the field behind our house if that is any indication of how awful the first few months of woodwind lessons are. (A note to my children; I never made you do that. That should count for something!) So imagine my surprise and utter frustration when I picked up the guitar and started to learn how to make my fingers cooperate in order to produce something that remotely sounded like music.

This is where Pat's patience comes in. She would say, you are rocking it. Good job! I believe her because she is as honest as they come but couldn't help thinking she had lost some of her hearing. So, we kept at it. We have only scratched the proverbial surface of how to play and there are literally more techniques and ways to play it than I can absorb.

The reason for this trip through my, never going to do a world tour as a lead musician, experience is I had an epiphany about the guitar and learning this weekend. I realized that I could go at it with my "I WILL GET THIS!" way or I could relax into it, have fun and be fascinated by the potential of the process. I realized that much like our soul, which is eternal and that means we are never going to get it all done, learning is the same.

How boring would it be to know everything? Or to be able to do something the minute we decided to try. How about if we all admitted we didn't know it all, relaxed into that, allow the process and learn from each other?

It was such a relief to be able to say, ok, I don't know what the heck that fingering chart means (I had it sideways. Which is ridiculously funny to me now.). I don't have some perceived finish line I have to get to and prove that I am a worthy student. I have all the time in the world because the effort I am putting in now may show up as a world tour in my next life. Hey, it could happen!

Do you ever feel completely overwhelmed because you think you should know it all by now? At whatever age your ID says you are? Do you put pressure on yourself to always be prepared to prove that you have value in your intelligence? Ok, stop it. Relax in what you do know and be curious about what you don't. Be patient and give yourself time to learn, grow, expand and develop the muscles needed to live a fantastically, wonderful life.

We are so dynamically different as much as we are similar. People have a lot to teach each other as we have all walked unique paths. Let's start to accept that collectively we are dang smart and learn from each other. I wish for us all to have teachers as patient as Pat, with humor, direction and a willingness to say "I don't know, either" so we can experience the new together.

Rock on, or in my case for this weeks lesson; I wish you a Steady Groove!
Vicki

P.S, Dave, if you are reading this from the other side, I could really use the help with chords. I thank you in advance.

www.vickibaird.com

Yes, this could very well be referring to what is going on around the world right now with those that choose to express themselves through angry means, but that isn't what I am asking about. Well, maybe it is because acceptance really does start at home and then we take it out into the world. 

Acceptance can be practiced and acted on in so many areas of our lives. Maybe we could start small and work our way up completely accepting others. 

This idea isn't new by any means and it is something I work to achieve every day. Some days I am more successful than others. The intention is there, the act is in process. I think the most challenging part to me is when others feel they have a say in how someone lives their lives. News flash; we have no say in how someone else chooses to live their lives. Sure we can have an opinion but ultimately, it is up the individual how they live and what they choose to do. 

Recently I was contemplating this when someone thought it a good idea to tell me how I should live my life. They went as far as to tell me how I should feel and operate with my emotions. Yeah, this is where I had to practice acceptance about where they were coming from. I did ok, and then reminded them that I haven't been a minor for a very long time so unless there was some sort of time warp I wasn't aware of, they may want to zip their lips. I told you I was working on it. In process, I am. 

I'll admit this is incredibly difficult to do with those that we believe we love or have loved in the past. That connection does not give us permission to exert what we believe to be in their best interest, it just doesn't. Somewhere along the line we became so self important that our way must be the way and I want to challenge all that are reading this to step back and assess whether you are that person who believes they have a right to say how others live. I don't care how long you have lived or what you've experienced before, you have not lived the days of the person you are advising or talking about so consider accepting that they have a personal GPS that will direct them. 

Maybe they will ask for help. That will be great if they do. Then still consider asking them what they feel would be the best for them. I truly believe we all have our answers within and if we are willing to be quiet and with our own thoughts and feelings. 

So, my theory is that if we work on this with those close to us, we can begin to take it out into the world. We can then accept that when another person lives differently than we do, it is NOT a reflection on us,  nor are they asking you to do and be how they are living. If they are, send them to this blog to remind them that they have no place or need to weigh in on your life, unless invited to do so. 

As the challenge this week, perhaps when someone is acting or doing something YOU don't agree with, but is causing no harm to themselves or another, reach up and zip thy lips. Open your ears and heart and hear what they are saying. If you still can't shut your mouth, then ask for space and walk away. 

I really believe that the more we respect each others way of being, the closer we will actually be to peace. Like I said, it is a theory and you are welcome to work your own theory. I accept that. 

Minding my own business, 

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

I had the distinct pleasure of being raised by a woman who demanded we use proper grammar, read a lot and reach for the words that have more than one syllable. She also loved Wheel of Fortune and would take you down for not knowing the answer...in a fun way not a whole Mommy Dearest way. It was rare to see her without a book or two going and if I got lazy in my choice of words or expression, she would say,  "don't give me those fifty cent words, Victoria." It makes me laugh to think of her saying that now. For the record, call me Victoria and you will get the look. Only mom got away with that.

To say she instilled a love of words in me is an understatement. It wasn't until later in my intuitive development did I realize she was also teaching me to find the vibrations in words. When she implored, or ordered, me to find a new word she was showing me that while words can mean similar things they have very different feelings to them. Maybe she knew this. I don't know for sure but I like to think she did. Dianne demanded word choice but she didn't share a whole heck of a lot. Woman of mystery, you have to love it.

Words matter, energy matters...energy is matter, but it matters too. See? How fun is that? The inflection behind our words matter too,we all know that but when was the last time you took the time to feel the words you were choosing?

Ask my kids, or clients, and they will tell you that I often suggest words for them to use instead of the ones they offered. I don't do this in a know it all way, I hope, but rather in an almost automatic detection method that then spits out of my mouth. Sometimes I can control it and sometimes I can't. It is my intention to help people become aware of the vibrations in everything and how we speak, to others and especially ourselves, is extremely powerful.

Imagine my complete joy when I discovered Belief Re-patterning and it is word choice and vibration combined with emotions based. It was like home made maple walnut ice cream good to me. (That's really good for those who don't have a clue to my love of maple walnut ice cream.) To be able to combine my natural word detector with a system that will help YOU develop  yours. Utopia. That is why I am having so much fun bringing it to the Berkshires and beyond.

I had an example of the more than a word thing this last week, and really the reason I came up with this blog in the first place. All of a sudden I had this whack upside the heart that I really am a widow. Now, it's not like I'm in denial of the fact that Howard has moved on to his next adventure, but for some reason my cognitive mind could use the word, even check it on all the emergency contact forms I had to change, but it didn't fully register the implication of the word. That was being stored in the subconscious, perhaps hiding it in some kind of protection mode.  Also for the record; I still think it's not the best word but everyone understands it, until I find a new one and create a revolution!

So, when it got through my subconscious and came into my conscious mind, it created this explosion of emotion and tears. But, and here is the amazing part, once I allowed it to be in my consciousness and looked directly at it, the pressure came off of it. It didn't change my circumstance or the past year but it did allow me to move a little closer into that acceptance of where I am and that is a huge gift.

I want everyone to feel this relief. To realize we have a choice on what we do with our emotions and a lot of times this starts with how we talk to ourselves. I could have judged myself for being too emotional or a little slow on the uptake in realizing widow does really apply to me. I didn't because I had the Belief Re-patterning front loaded as I call it. I had it on board and my brain had already been shifted to know these emotions were a benefit to me and while they may be intense right now, they will subside into a gratitude of awareness.

What are some of the words you use when you talk to yourself? Are they supportive or do they involve a verbal form of a billy club that you whack yourself over the head with? Would you talk to another the way you talk to yourself?

Observe yourself this week in what words are part of your automatic vocabulary and see if you can't choose one that has a slightly higher vibration. For example; if your self talk is about not being good enough, you can recognize it, look at it and be willing to say, "Well, I am not really sure what enough is, but for this moment I can accept that I am doing the best I can with what I have at this time and that is plenty." Enough shifts to plenty. Feel that for a moment. Right? Doesn't that feel good?

If you'd like to explore this a little more, I do a class every month on the third Tuesday. You are welcome to join me as I combine the Belief Re-patterning, coaching and my word detector to help you develop your own inner coach.

I wish you the ease of talk to yourself and others this week and the fun of learning how word choice effects our lives and how it can elevate it to the supercalifragilistic level you are capable of. No, Dianne would never have taken that word as an adjective BUT she did instill the love of musicals in me as well, so I would have argued that she entered the word into play and gotten an "oh, Victoria" with a shake of her head as she tried to hide her smile.

Rocking my thesaurus,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com