Showing posts with label Everyone Has an IT. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Everyone Has an IT. Show all posts
Do you like people? I do, I really do. There may be some I choose to be with more than others but people are fun. In this chapter I talked about our individual topography. Who are we in our own fabulous selves? I am so glad this chapter came up this month because just yesterday I said to my theracoach (She's both a therapist and a life coach. How blessed am I?) "I don't know where I stand. Am I single? Am I still married, because it feels like I am. Am I independent? Flying solo? I know I am not a widow because I am not a fan of the word. The spider is fine, but the word is not for me."  I know I am my own person and thankfully we had that kind of relationship where we weren't dependent on each other for air, but what the what, man? Where am I?


 Call it practice or knowing myself, but I ended up answering her by saying, I am Vicki and that is all I need to know right now. I will focus on that and allow the other questions to float out into cyberspace to never return, hopefully! I am the only person who can be me and you are the only one who can be you. Isn't that fantastic? 

 As you read through this, assess for yourself where you may be entering into another persons topography and establish clear property lines. Believe it or not, when we stand in who we are, relationships get really, really good!

Here is to your IT.....

My IT may not be Your IT, but it’s Still an IT

Everywhere you turn there are people, people who are busy with their lives, people who are ignoring their lives and people who are living their lives to the fullest. I love people in all of these areas, I love people. It may sound corny but it is true. I love the intricacy of people and how creative we are in our expressions. I believe there is an inherent nosiness in us that keeps us looking at others and trying to figure out what they have that we don’t. Call it an innate desire to grow or just plain ole nosiness, it really doesn’t matter; we do it.

Remember that saying “keeping up with the Jones’s”? Well, that is similar to what is inherent in us without the materialism. How much have you learned from someone over your life time? Certainly you learned how to talk, eat, and walk along with a myriad of other skills. Just watch a baby when you are talking with them, they will mimic the lip movements you make, so cute yet so smart. Yet, somewhere in the path it starts to go the other way, where we look to others and compare. I know you do it, we all do it. 

 We look to them to see if they have better clothes, are they happier, do they know something we don’t know or are they looking us? Again, this is something that is innate in us but somewhere along the message gets changed or conditioned and we forget we are individuals and all special. For each of us there is a divine spark, that gas that keeps us moving and wanting to learn on this wonderful planet and if we listen to that as an individual frequency, I believe we would all be happier.

There have been teachings that we are all one and I believe that confused people. While I do believe we contribute to the whole, we are individual humans inside our individual souls excitedly exploring this energy based universe. If there was more thought to how we can be individual, I believe, and have seen in my own practice, we can then contribute to others lives without a feeling of being drained or asked to change. One of the concepts I ask my clients, and practice myself is knowing who self is. If you know who you are, the tendency to look at others is less and the comparison thing, while it may show up on occasion, is less likely to stick. So ask yourself these few questions so you can see where you stand in holding your own IT, Individual topography. Where do you begin and end without relation to others.

  • Do you find yourself comparing to others?  If you do, what is it about?  What is the literal subject matter?
  • Do you recognize your own unique offering to this universe? It doesn't have to be something huge, it is YOU, and simply because you are here that is amazing.  Can you see that?
  • Can you accept that you may have a few IT's but hey, they are cute in their itness and unique in their own way and comparing to others isn't going to help with them but rather add to the challenge of balancing them?
  • If others are doing well, do you have a hard time with that and ask, where is mine?
If any of these are challenging for you, simply take the time to breathe and ask how can I get back my own IT?  How can I revel in the fact that I am wonderful, unique and a pleasure for this universe to have?

Another concept I have asked my clients to consider using when they are having challenges with comparing or if they have someone in their lives that does the comparing for them. I ask the client to meet the person for the first time,each time they meet them. 

 I had an epiphany one day that part of the reason that a sibling and I had challenges was because of the comparison thing. I felt good in whom I was becoming but they had an issue with me being in my own space and while they wouldn’t cognitively create an issue, energetically and emotionally there was one there. While on the way to a family function I was asking myself how could I go into the day and enjoy everyone and not feel like I was being sucked dry by the energy of neediness. I love my family and they are a FUN group so I wanted a fun day of connecting without old issues getting in the way, issues that I completely take responsibility in fostering over the years. So, I asked a few times on the way over of myself, how can you change how you interact because you can’t change another person, only self. I realized that if I went in and met my sibling with the energy of new acquaintance and who are you today and what are you offering, not only would I be in the now but I would also be erasing old stuff, or so I felt. 

 So, I did that. I met her with an energy of less baggage and true interest in who she was as a person. I had a FABULOUS day because as I started to practice this I noticed she didn’t want anything to do with me and kept avoiding me. Now, I didn’t have a good day because of that because I truly do enjoy her, I had a great day because whatever I was feeling would work, DID! I recognized that even if she wasn’t cognitively aware, her own intuition told her something was up and the old story was not going to work any longer. I kept my boundaries about myself but I also started to extend this to others that were there. Now, I have seven siblings and they all have families so that is a lot of people to practice on in a day. I loved it. I met all for who they brought that day and laughed more than I ever remember laughing at a get together, and that says something because we are a good humored family.

I also learned that day how I had been contributing to how others treated me, mostly because I had been comparing. I wasn’t aware of my own Individual Topography, where did I fit in the universe and how was I contributing to its beauty. The conclusion of the day fascinated me even more. As I was giving my sister a hug goodbye she asked me what I did differently, she couldn’t get to me. Now, I truly know she didn’t know what she said as I felt it was a confirmation from spirit that I was on to something here, so I hugged her and gave her a kiss (we are huggers too) and said you were you and I adore you for that. I drove home saying “that was fascinating” over and over and over again.

I have continued to use this day after day with people whether I am meeting them for the first time or have known them for years. It feels like it drops the energy of conflict before I get there so there is nothing for them to grab hold of and react to. It keeps things harmonious and it allows for them to have their own Individual Topography that I can admire from afar but not take away from. I recommend people try this with those they may be experiencing conflicts with. If that is difficult, try it with the person checking your groceries or bag at the airport. Not only does it allow you to meet all kinds of fascinating people, it will light you up in ways you didn’t even know were available because you won’t be allowing the dimness of the past to interfere with wonderful relationships.

So, take some time right now and see where is your topography? Where does your map end and others begin? Is there space in there for all to grow and expand and work the land? If not, take some steps back and do a survey of where you would like to be living with your IT’s and how you can create space for others and their IT’s without comparing and without feeling effected. It is possible and I know you can do it.

Each of us has the ability to create our own map, be our explorers and discover new lands within ourselves. Let's get to it, shall we? 

 Exploring hill and dale, 
Vicki

This weeks chapter is Where Did I Put It?  Trust me when I say I have asked myself this a hundred times over the last two months. I like a place for everything and everything in it's place but when exhaustion and grief move in, the brain process seems to move out the back door. Along with the brain goes the desire to please everyone so it isn't such a bad thing to go through something so life altering. However we can reset that GPS, I say go for it.

As I get to know who I am every day, I reset the coordinates and look to where the adventure will be. 

I hope you enjoy this chapter and get excited about getting to know you.

Where Did I Put It?

Where did I put it is not only in reference to your car keys, your wallet, or that list you wrote out because you were going to take it with you this time. It refers to that part of you that gets left behind, not intentionally, but often through the process of life and the events that can pull our focus away from an intentional journey. There isn’t a conscious thought where we say, gee, I would like to venture away from myself and focus on things outside of me but it happens. It usually happens with one small thing that we commit ourselves to and then another gets added on and then we find ourselves with so many items on the to do list we move to the bottom of that list and have to work with intention to reach the top of it again.

Have you ever found yourself in the habit of saying yes? This can be when someone asks you for your input or when they are requesting your presence on a board or a committee of some type. It can be in the volunteering world where you feel guilty if you don’t at least offer up some type of contribution even if at the time you are agreeing, you are also asking yourself where am I going to get the time or the energy for this?

It would be in that moment of awareness that this is too much that you would, if you hadn’t wandered away from you, pause and let the person or persons asking that you will need time to think and feel about the request before committing yourself. It would also be where you could flat out say no thank you, but that can be challenging for a lot of people who have become pleasers to others forgetting that they must fill themselves up in order to give to whatever the request is, fully and authentically.

How can you get there, the place where you are able to honor yourself without a feeling of leaving the team behind? In small steps, much like the ones that helped you arrive in a place where you are no longer feeling like yourself. Whoever that person is or wants to be will be accomplished in incremental movements, at your pace with an awareness that you can do as much or as little as feels good to you.

This was never more apparent to me then when I met with my client Herb. Herb has a successful business where he is not only the owner but works in a service capacity as well. He came to me with frustrations about his life but also a deep hurt that he couldn’t explain and wanted cleared up so he could engage in his life and love what he was doing again and be a positive member of his family. As we moved through the session, I helped him to identify what it was that was really bothering him. Most of his life he had been trying to reach an invisible bar first set by his parents, then his mentors and then by himself.

This bar had become such a part of who he was he didn’t even realize he was using it to measure others in his life as well. This measuring process often left him with a feeling that others didn’t care as much or weren’t hard workers as well as a myriad of other excuses. Sensing this wasn’t about others, as it rarely is, I guided him in the direction of how HE felt. He then started crying and as was practiced in him, he was trying to stuff it. I encouraged him to let it out and we would see what happened after that. He did and while I waited for him to feel comfortable in the expression of this emotion I realized it wasn’t about the others or about how he even felt about himself. It was that he had left himself somewhere along the process and didn’t know how to meet up again with himself and that joy that he felt was inherent in life if he could just find the gps coordinates. When I pointed this out to him and asked if he felt that was an accurate description, we didn’t get very far when the tears started again. It is always a good indication of hitting the nail on the head or in this case finding the starting point.

So, from here I encouraged him to tell me about himself. What did he like, what was fun for him and where did he feel the most lit up inside. He started talking about his business and how he loved to help people not only on the outside but from the inside to help them feel great about themselves. He absolutely glowed when he talked about that. I then asked him to feel how he was feeling now after having described his passion and he again was moved to tears, this time out of joy rather than frustration. He had found where he left himself and was beginning to connect again. How exciting! (This is why I love my job, this is what helping is about and if you can help someone who wants to help others is a real hoot!)

Have you lost yourself somewhere along the line? If you have, do not worry, there is an eternal tether that holds your soul and self together so it is really a matter of following that tether line to the other end where you left your knowing of what you want in this lifetime. The processes in this chapter can help you do that.

First find where your own gps system is right now. Is it even functioning? If not, smack it a little bit like you do the remote when it won’t work. Then get a sense of who you are today. Don’t worry about yesterday or tomorrow, who are you today? It is ok, even brilliant to say you don’t know, that is what we are going to find out but it starts with acknowledging that you exist and that you matter.

Next, what is it that feels or seems out of whack for you? Is your life balance a little off kilter? Are you spending more time on others than on yourself, on work than in play, on drama rather than delight? If so, find five minutes in your day to reprogram this. I find the appointment scheduler on my cell phone to be perfect for this. I set it to go off daily to remind me to breathe, to take five minutes and that the world is not going to collapse in on itself if I am not at attention. Once you have done this, applaud yourself. Go ahead, I will wait.

It is important to give ourselves this recognition and encouragement to continue with self care. How does it feel to have created an intention to find you again? Is there any guilt associated? I ask this because this is often the next argument I hear from people. While I truly believe guilt is a wasted emotion, it is part of the wonderful vibration that is the human species. A part, that when rewired becomes acceptance, becomes joy and becomes a feeling of freedom rarely felt in any other circumstance for it is then that one truly realizes they are an individual with so much to offer.

If there is guilt associated with this, how can you reprogram that response? Can you realize where it is coming from? It is a way to avoid feeling good, to put off satisfaction with your life? Could it be an old tape that is playing in your brain from past teachers who meant well but may have been a bit misguided? If the last is the case, we have moved on to the digital age and cd’s; skip that track. We also have access to Belief Re-patterning through yours truly that can help you reprogram that response and create a new way of being.

These questions are meant to help you redirect your attention back to you so that there is an experience of fulfillment in your life. You are what is important for no matter where you go, you are bound to tag along so wouldn’t it be great if you actually liked and appreciated your traveling partner. So, as a final challenge in this chapter, what are you going to do that will help you feel present in your own journey? Pick one thing, it can be a small step and incremental or you can put a large goal out there but recognize the smaller steps it will take to get there as part of the process.

Herb’s challenge? Well, his challenge was to learn to say no to that drill sergeant that was yelling in his ear to be more, do more, acquire more and simply enjoy the daily process wherever it took him. He is taking this one day at a time and loving his business more but most importantly, himself. It doesn’t get any better than that.

While locating myself lately has been a challenge, I am very excited about connecting with the now me. What about you? Can you get excited about you?


Putting it wherever I am,

Vicki
In the offering of chapters from my book, Inner Turmoil is next. It would be so easy to go to what has been happening lately but I'm not that predictable, am I? So, rather than that, let's talk about that time I couldn't keep my trap shut and ended up a suspect in a murder. It is REALLY funny now, but at the time when detectives are interviewing you and although you know you are innocent, they don't.

So as you will read, I had information that wasn't known to the public. It showed up on my movie screen and I shared it. Yup, first place where choice would have been good to use. Then my friend shared it. Second place of choice, perhaps? Then the detectives showed up...at my office...in public...while I was reading for someone. Like I said, hysterical now, not so much then.

Obviously I was cleared of any wrong doing and eventually went on to help with some cases which I enjoyed. What I didn't like was the inner turmoil I got when being involved in the cases. I love crime stories and even appreciated the evidentiary process, but I did not like the way I had to work with them. It was more as an informant and really felt like we had to meet in a dark alley while I gave them information. Perhaps some day there will be an acceptance that energy can be read and it can be of service, but until then, I think I will stick to NCIS where the cases are neatly wrapped up in an hour and I can go to sleep and not dream of the victims.

I had a choice of continuing to be in turmoil during the process, knowing I was helping, or I could choose to lead my life in alignment with me and trust the system to do it's job. I am responsible for my turmoil, no one else. I love that knowing as it brings a sense of control to my little bit of turbulent life now.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and feel a bit more calm in your sea too.

Inner Turmoil

Webster defines turmoil as a state or condition of extreme confusion, agitation, or commotion. I am sure we can all remember times when this has been the case in our lives. Where we didn’t know whether we were coming or going, what we wanted or how we could even get it. Of course, the fact that it is inner turmoil, signifying the interior landscape of our mental and emotional selves, can make that turmoil even more frightening. What is it about looking within that is so scary? Why is it that when asked to connect to how we are feeling there is an immediate need to check for exits in the room and any way out possible?

For some this may come from the experience they had growing up in their world, for others it may be an innate wiring that they freak out at the mention of emotions. For others still there may be a fear that if they show their emotions someone will have a comment or two about how they are acting. It really doesn’t matter how they got there though for if they can realize that today is when that could change, there would be many more connected people in this world. Connected to self as well as to others. People who were interested in their fullest expansion and recognizing that anything that is creating that feeling of turmoil is actually our ally, the one true friend that will tell you when you are not in alignment and when you are venturing into territory that does not best serve you.

I had such an experience myself recently where my desire to help and a system that is not ready to hear of my help as an intuitive were in conflict. When I hear a news report or a story from another source, there is often an internal indication of whether what is being offered is the truth or is it fabricated. I can also feel when there is more information to be found but perhaps the parties involved are not looking in the right direction. This was the case recently when we had an incident in town where someone lost their life. I felt immediately where that person was and that they had information pertinent to their case but because they had passed, they felt no one would listen. Enter Vicki sitting quietly on her couch minding her own business. While I was happy to help the victim, I wasn’t sure what to do with the information. I asked a friend of mine who works closely with law enforcement hoping for guidance or perhaps reassurance that they were aware of this information and were working to help the victim, little did I know (I realize that it would seem that I would be privy to all information but that is not true or I would be living quite well off the lottery!) she would take the information and hand it in to the proper authorities. Needless to say, they were not pleased that information had been gleaned in this manner as well as with my friend who delivered the information. I was fine with them not wanting the information but it did bring up a lot of inner turmoil for me, both regarding the data and how they treated my friend.

You know how you work on yourself and you feel you are in a great place and then something or someone comes along to help you reach that next level of understanding, yup, this was that opportunity for me. Was it because someone felt the information wasn’t valid or because I wasn’t? Ouch, I thought I had moved passed that, evidently not, so I looked at it and allowed myself to have some frustration with them and then got to the heart of it for myself. I did trust what I knew, I did value the information received and truth be told, those that have crossed are more honest than those that are here a lot of the time! So the inner turmoil wasn’t in what the authorities were willing to accept or not, it was within me and my belief in not only what I can do but who I am. I am grateful for the opportunity but even more grateful to my practice of checking in and making sure that what I am feeling is really what I am feeling and not some story that my drama queen wants to tell and get caught up in. I also realized that even though I felt somewhat responsible for the information being released, I could acknowledge that my friend chose to bring it to their attention and was therefore responsible for her own choices and could perhaps learn what her inner turmoil was from this process.

The most important thing I learned from this process was that if I am good with me and I trust when something comes up that I can handle it, the inner turmoil becomes quiet and is an exception rather than a reality.
  • Where is your inner turmoil?
  • Where are you conflicted in a decision you need to make?
  • Are you allowing someone else’s perceived opinion of you to create that roller coaster of emotions within you?

Take a few moments and ask yourself where you feel that rolling of your tummy, or the fluttering of your heart around a situation in your life because we often feel it in our bodies when our intelligent self doesn’t want to listen.

When you have identified it, take one small action to unwind those emotions and move forward with toward peace. Perhaps if it is a relationship that is causing the feelings of turmoil, you could have a conversation with the person it involves.

Above all realize that you are in charge of your emotions and while others may be connected, they are not causing these feelings, you are. That is why it is called inner turmoil.

Isn't it nice to know we all have an innie? 
Vicki



I don't believe in coincidences. I believe even when we don't want it to be like it is, life is lined up and meant to be paid attention to. So, imagine my feeling when I decide, ok, enough time between blogs Vicki, get another one up there, and the chapter that is next is Instant Tragedy.

As many of you are aware, my husband of twenty five years passed two weeks ago. While this is by far, the most difficult thing I have ever been through, it is not a tragedy.  Some people want it to be and I understand some of the reasons why. It is challenging for us to seperate something happening to another person as it happening to us. With a passing, it can open all kinds of hurts within a person and the desire to go for that tragedy thing is tempting. I get it; I just can't allow it in my life.

I've been very open about how Howard, our kids and I, expected his passing to be seen, as a celebration of choice. His choice. No one else, even myself, got a vote. Although there were MANY discussions long before the disease process happened, it was very clear it was his choice on how to handle his body. There is no tragedy in that at all. There is beauty, growth, fear at times perhaps, but no tragedy.

So, as I roll through this second week, which has been a doozie, let me tell you, I have been checking my own ability to go to the story (I am human after all!) and bringing my focus back to that choice.

We always have choice.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and join me in saying no to this IT.

Instant Tragedy

Have you ever met someone who the minute life is not going as they would like it to, goes into immediate reactive mode? Someone  who, unless they really are on stage, acts like they are trying to win that elusive Oscar? Are you that someone? We all have occasions when there is a knee jerk reaction and we speak or act before thinking or more importantly feeling, but when it becomes one audition after another it can create a whole domino effect in one’s life. Very often we don’t want to admit that we have that capability but it is inherent in us and if activated can become quite entertaining, hence why the movie business is so booming.

I have a client, we’ll call her Maude, who when she came to me had some really difficult events  in her  past that she  was dealing  with. I felt her fear, her pain and her feeling of being out of control. I acknowledged this and suggested we find some way of shifting the energy around her experiences, allowing them to be there but no longer in control of how she felt on a daily basis. She was not pleased with my suggestion. She flat out told me that the way she had been dealing with her life is just fine and she would continue to do so regardless of what I saw or felt would be in her best interest. Well, there is nothing I can do when someone comes asking for help in feeling better but wants to sit in their own drama. I proceeded to suggest perhaps her therapist would be a good connection for her to help create a space that felt safe enough for her to come out of her flight response. Needless to say, this didn’t go over well either. I have complete faith in the information I receive to be not only in the person’s best interest but also what they are ready to hear whether they want to acknowledge it at that moment or not.

I had seen the fear in Maude’s energy and her face when I suggested not giving any more power to her memories. It was then I realized that it was a fear of letting go of the drama that was really holding her back and not the memories. She was caught in the adrenaline rush and wasn’t sure how she could move through it as much like a drug addict, she was more afraid of not having what was fueling her than what could help her to feel better. So, considering she had hired me to help her feel better about her life, I went back in with a suggestion of moving VERY slowly to the place where she may feel safe and willing to see her life differently. We weren’t going to move anything just yet, but we were going to see how it could be different and hopefully feel, how it could be different and then on the tail of that, perhaps make some movement.

I have great compassion for those that are afraid of growth or movement because I can feel their very real fear response and while in my earlier days I would have been the proverbial bull in a china shop in removing it, I know now that slow and steady can win this race!

One of the mechanisms we have utilized is to literally see her life as a movie. When one learns to do this, it removes the reactive self and allows room for response.

  • Where in your life are you acting out your Oscar worthy performance?
  • Where is there a tendency to jump to conclusions and strike without asking for more information?
  • With whom are you this reactive?
  • Who is that person that can “push your buttons.”?

In any of these instances, can you step back and watch it like a movie. Sure, we may identify with the characters on the screen but we know when we walk out that the drama is over. The writer, director and actors have created entertainment for us. This is wonderful and we love it as is evident by the number of shows and movies available and videos on YouTube, but does it really feel good? Does living with the drama fill you up in a way that is loving and peaceful? In all likelihood, probably not, so how about trying the healthy detachment of a movie goer in your own life?

Can you step back and observe with any circumstance in your life and learn to release the attachment to the thrill of the ride on the drama roller coaster? If you are going to enjoy a ride, why not have it be something that is fulfilling and that brings you joy rather than a feeling of depression after?

An additional benefit to learning this skill, and it is a process, is that by learning to step back you will not only have less negative aspects in your life, you will have a ton more positive ones heading in your direction. When you release the need to be in that tense, have to have my drama fix mode, you will be opening your arms to those that want the same thing in their lives.

Drama and Llamas and Mamas….what?

If you have had the pleasure of having teenagers in your life, you know well how drama can be addicting and can roll out of control. One of the sayings I used to say to my kids was “save the drama for the llamas cause mama is NOT interested.” Have you ever noticed that when people, and not just teens, are reading a text or email that someone else has sent them they do it with an inflection in their voice? Now, how do we know what the other person was sounding when they sent the message? And do they really talk like that?

I believe this jumping to conclusions and inferring what others are intending creates a lot of drama and it can lead to that instant tragedy, often with wailing and carrying on associated. When someone wants to relay a story to me of what someone else wrote I often let them do the voice thing and the gesturing and all the theatrics and then I ask them to go back and read it over again with their normal voice as if reading a menu in a restaurant. It is AMAZING how the message within the message changes. Something like “I’m busy right now” goes from being “I’m busy (and you don’t matter and whatever you want to talk about doesn’t matter) right now” to “I’m busy right now.” (No  inflection.)

The reason I bring these items up is, I will be honest, I find high drama entertaining. Not just in the theatrical world but in our everyday world. I have compassion for the person going through the drama and often the one creating it, but the actual event of it is quite funny to me. Perhaps it is because I come from such a “don’t talk about it” family that when people are flapping their arms and gesturing, it is funny! Perhaps it is because when it comes right down to it; the more people get upset, the more trivial the event usually is because once again they are seeking that thrill ride. It isn’t about the subject, it isn’t about the person, it is about the fill up.
  • Where can you fill yourself up rather than pulling into the drama station?
  • What else in your life do you love to do that could take the place of the time you spend all worked up training for that Oscar? (admit it, that visual is FUNNY)

These questions may seem simple, but I promise you, they will garner results if you are willing to participate. Maude and I have worked together for five years and counting as she hasn’t fired me yet! I am happy for her as she is learning to feel her way to stability and really quite honored to be a part of the process. It takes incredible strength to be consciously growing and stretching and challenging the drama student inside that just wants to be seen and have their moment on the stage.

If you are willing to be kind to the student within, patient with him/her when that addiction to attention shows up, you too will have that feeling of accomplishment and peace within you.

Oh, and Maude, yes, well it turns out when she turned her attention to other ways of filling up her tank, she realized she is an amazing botanist.

Choosing to fill myself with the incredible amount of love this life event has shown me,
Vicki



This is another installment of the book, Everyone Has an IT, and boy is the timing appropriate for this chapter.  Identity Theft is our IT this week and I feel like I've been taken over by the body snatchers.  My husband has decided to do a tour of the ICU unit of the hospital so we have been here for thirteen days and counting.  Have you ever spent more than two days in a hospital as a support person?  My goodness is it a learning experience.  Every area of life is up in the air from food, shelter, emotional balance, a bed, not to mention the amenities of bathing.  Then there are those pesky lifesaving decisions to make.  It's no wonder people walk around looking a little loopy.  Their identity changed on a dime and the new rules aren't written yet.  Identity theft; its real man, it's real.

Identity Theft:

In our ever evolving, growing technological world we hear a lot about identity theft. Whether this comes from someone receiving your information in a fraudulent manner or whether it is someone who lives with you and decides that they would like to have access to your credit line, either is considered a crime. Either is considered an attack on ones safety and feeling of well being.

One can purchase insurance to protect against this and can keep a vigilant watch on their credit report but I wonder; where is the protection plan for identity theft of your personality, of your drive, of your soul energy? Where is the policy I can purchase that will allow me to ensure that my feelings of strength, confidence and happiness are protected? Well, there isn’t one, at least not one that someone else can sell you as you will find out by this chapter, which would just perpetuate the very thing you are trying to protect against by handing over your energy and power.

How many times in your life have you wondered who am I and what do I want? What is it that is mine, me for myself and of myself? Often it is during a time of “I can’t take it anymore” that these questions come up. I have often been accused of teaching selfishness to which I say, absolutely I do because it is only when we are taking care of self that I believe we are able to help others authentically and with a feeling of fulfillment rather than depletion.

When one feels like the above questions, it is often because they have given away their energy and have become resentful of this. If there was an agent to call to create a claim there would be massive amounts of them on a daily basis as people awoke to the fact that they have given away the very essence of who they are.

Some very real examples of giving away your energy can be asking others their opinion on what you are planning on doing, asking a lot of others, not just a feedback request but looking for others approval. When this happens the energy field dissipates and becomes watered down. It is almost imperceptible at first but then one  begins  to feel like they aren’t themselves and it is actually true. The times of asking others and perhaps most importantly, giving more energy to what the other person thinks or says, add up and there is a gradual loss of the sense of self. I truly believe this is some of the challenge we have in relationships of all levels lately whether it is from sibling to sibling or country to country, we have forgotten how to feel for ourselves and be good with whatever the emotion or belief is that is there.

From a young age we are encouraged to ask others what they think and while it is great to consult a person who may have more experience on a subject or to sometimes to reach out to a friend to bounce an idea off of, it is vitally important that we remain in alignment with what resonates for each of us so we are authentic in our interactions. When we are good with whom we are and what others may think or feel, there is no room for resentment or any other lower vibrating energies to show up because we have respected each other’s energy field and can feel and think for ourselves.

There isn’t technically theft here if we are giving it away but it is something to keep in mind for when you are finding yourself asking others more than you are asking yourself what is in your best interest. I always tell people when they come for a reading to take what resonates and throw out the rest as I believe our own compass to be the strongest indication of what is best for us. Sure, occasionally that compass gets bent and due north is a challenging to find but when honored it will always lead you home to self.

Another example I see often is the where do you want to go to dinner dilemma. One person will ask where do you want to eat and the other will respond, “I don’t care where you want to eat?” Now, if it is the case of your really have no preference than that would open a dialogue but often it is a passive way of admitting you have no clue who you are or what you want. It may seem simple but it is often the simple requests that can bind us up the most.

Another example of Identity Theft is allowing the past to hold you in place. You may as well hand over your happiness to another if you are going to allow whatever happened in your past to hold you back. Sure there are some times and perhaps some tragedies that have helped form who you are and if you are using them to help you recognize what you want in life then congratulations but if you are using them to hold you back, you are doing a complete disservice to you and your soul. The very essence of you is always looking to grow, always looking and very willing to expand and to use every situation as a learning tool. This essence, this knowing soul has your back. It not only has your  back, it is your back! It is the support mechanism much like your spine is to your skeletal system and if you take care of it like you take care of your spine, you will do just fine.

Where in your current life is your past putting the brakes on? As I mentioned previously, this is one of my most favorite quotes from a client who brilliantly said, in a slightly whining voice, “but Vicki, it takes courage to see your life differently.” To which I replied, “you are brilliant, because yes it does but if you know that it takes courage it would seem to me that you have already considered leaving your past behind and moving forward with that courage.” She did and to this day is one of the most amazing souls I know for even when she was so scared her knees were knocking, she would choose herself over her fear and eventually that fear would dissipate. In her situation it was the family dynamic that was creating an issue for her as it can and should at some point in all of our lives for this is where we grow as well. She was allowing her “role” in her family to dictate who she was and how she acted. Often validating it when they were together as if it were an old 
play they had rehearsed so many times that she had no choice but to act along. But she did have choice and she will always have choice on how she acts and how much of her energy she is willing to give away.

Where are you giving away too much of your energy?

Where do you see yourself changing when in a relationship dynamic? Is it your family that can push your buttons and have you resorting to a role that is familiar? For instance, are you the “baby” of the family and no matter how old you are you are still seen in this manner? Are you the oldest and holding the role of having to be responsible for everyone else, the second mom so to speak?

If you were to file an identity theft claim right now, who would you name as the person or persons you are allowing to steal your identity? Notice I said allowing for someone can not steal our identity without our permission. Much like no one can hurt us or disappoint us without our permission it is completely up to us if we are giving our energy away. When it comes down to it, the only person who has the ability to feel or express for you, is you. So, if you are hurt or feeling like someone made you mad, back up your emotions a little bit and see if you can be in observation of them so you can determine where that leak in your field is. Perhaps you are tired and not feeling refreshed so you are more vulnerable or perhaps you are someone who really likes your own misery and doesn’t know who you are without it so allowing yourself to hurt as the result of others actions seems comfortable, even when it is uncomfortable. When you take responsibility for how you feel you will recognize a great relief in your own body for when there is choice, and there always is, there is empowerment and someone who is empowered is not likely to be a victim of identity theft on any level.

The other way and perhaps the one we hear the least about that we allow energy to be taken is in the energy field that surrounds our physical body and is often referred to as the aura. The aura is fascinating  and a wealth of information for there is a plethora of receptors there that translate the energy of all that is the universe and bring it back to us in the form of communication, of emotion, of mental process and of intuitive reception.

I often see people with big holes in their aura which for me is an indication that they are giving their energy away. They are allowing others to tap into the field and siphon their literal energy stores. I call these people psychic vampires (and long before vampires became cool). Sometimes these energy drains are not aware they are doing it, they are often the whiners, the needy soul that has to have others around to validate their existence. We all know someone in our lives that may fall into this category. They are the ones that always turn the conversation back to themselves and their daily soap opera drama. They are the ones that post on social networking that there is drama a foot every day and it can be something as small as burning breakfast to the I am never going to meet someone because my life is so tragic posting. They are often so caught up in their own story that they aren’t aware others even exist, except when they need to make a withdrawal to keep going. It is exhausting to maintain that level of drama so there must be donors available. Don’t be a donor! While I maintain most do not know they are doing it, they are simply caught up in their hamster wheel, it is up to each person to recognize the person in their lives, the spouse, the child, the sibling, the parent or the friend and at least agree not to feed the vampire any longer. It really is a good thing for them as they will often find ways to change that habit.

If you see yourself in this description, do not worry and do not judge, simply set the intention to replenish yourself and commit to lowering the level of drama to maybe two alarm fire initially and then back off to very little smoke over time. This will help you to feel the best you can and then go on to strengthen not only yourself but those relationships around you that truly do want to support but simply can’t provide the nutritional support equivalent to a blood bank! If you didn’t know you were doing it, there is absolutely no reason to beat yourself up for it, just shift.

There are however, those that are fairly savvy at draining others intentionally. They often have an awareness of how energy can be shared and will “tap in” to the field and make their own withdrawals, usually to fill a hole in their own world, be that energetic or  emotional.

I have found a very effective method of blocking the vampires and no it does not involve garlic. Does that really work anyway? My  way is nothing new; it has been a part of the metaphysical world for eons. I simply ask Archangel Michael to surround me with white light of protection and ask him to remove all the etheric cords, past, present and future to all beings and return mine to me. I then ask that any holes I may have in my field be repaired. I picture it similar to a spiritual spackling. Then I say thank you for I am most appreciative of his help.

This method, free, easy and can be done inside ones head is the most effective manner of protecting oneself from the  energetic identity theft that I know. I use it every day before I even get out of bed and sometimes during the day as I have found it is a bit like sunscreen, you must reapply if the feeling of vulnerability is there.

So, where can you find the holes in your field? Can you feel if there are any there? Are they divits and not full holes yet? Can you see them? If not no worries, simply set the intention of having a clear and smooth field and allow for the help. Simply by being in this world and trying to figure things out we will have some divots. There is no need to identify, just rectify.

Where do you feel you hand over your own identity? Do you keep quiet at work when you have a good idea or if you see something that isn’t in alignment with the company? Do you not speak of your preferences to your partner or spouse whether that is in the relationship or in regards to your living situation or parenting style?

It is actually pretty easy to figure out when you are open to the theft, you will always feel off. There will be a feeling of discord or conflict in you. Learning to pay attention to how you feel is the key to any kind of living improvement and I know you can do it, so get on it would you?

 As for me during this journey, I have found a new strength I felt I had but hadn't seen in action. I have returned to running, which had taken a hiatus during biking season, and I have found humor, appreciation for the amazing family and friends I have and a voice to advocate for my husband. Please, for the love of all humans, don't leave someone in the hospital on pain meds by themselves. The staff mean well, but know your personal identity enough to be able to advocate if someone needs you to. 

 Riding this roller coaster we call life. Hands in the air people! It's supposed to be fun, 
Vicki




So, I realize it isn't Halloween time, unless of course you are reading this in October and then, hey, Happy Halloween! But I digress, the little trickster I am talking about isn't the kid dressed up and pulling pranks, it's that little voice within us that can be so convincing of our shortcomings. Call it the critic, ego, or trickster, by any name it can be tamed.

 I hope you enjoy this chapter and learn to be happy with your IT.

There is an interesting aspect to our personalities that can be invigorating as much as it  can be  incapacitating.  This is what I have come to know as the inner trickster.  It isn’t evil and it isn’t particularly bad but it is sometimes VERY annoying. Think of a child when they are being impish. That is the energy of the inner trickster. It wants attention and it is very practiced at getting it.  One can look at any human and know that there is an inner trickster in there.  They all have their own jobs and focuses but only because we have trained them there.  It is often based on how we were raised or what we witnessed along our path as to how our trickster plays.


When we are born, there is an innate trusting to this universe and a feeling that all is in order. Why else would we come in with no teeth, not able to support ourselves and believing that whoever brought us into this world has our best interest at heart?   This knowing or trusting is there from the soul level and if we would remember or were taught to listen to it as we grow, there would be no room for an inner trickster to marinate and then become active in our systems. This is often not the case though, I believe it is possible, but for most of us, this wasn’t our experience and we must learn to rewire the messages received by those that did bring us in or that raised us to where we are old enough to listen to our own messages.



If one were to be raised with this knowledge, much like the animal kingdom is, our own gps would guide us to the highest experience and it would all be utopia. That may seem like the best case scenario but we actually learn well through contrast and I, for one, am grateful for the teaching it has given me. For instance, my trickster is often caught up in what will be, imagined or otherwise, and will often tell me stories that are so creative IT should be a writer! It has taken me years and will no doubt be an ongoing process of retraining the trickster to find its attention elsewhere rather than in my ego!



It has been my experience that the ego is a representative and encourager of where we are and where we may be going individually. I believe it to be a good thing and something that should pat you on the back and not hold you back. I also see it as an effective tool in alignment.  While many teachings may be about separating the ego from yourself I just don’t agree that is a good way to go as it is a part of you and if it gets separated, it creates a fear reaction and that doesn’t help any situation. I see it as the part we are to learn how to accept, appreciate and sometimes talk to like it is a five year old that needs a nap, lovingly and with a great amount of patience.  This patience is what the inner trickster requires as well to quiet its comments and to redirect some of that impish energy.



One of the questions I love so much is, is it true? Is what you are talking about, complaining about, worrying about or imagining, is it true? As we learned earlier, everyone has their own inner truth and it isn’t up to us to see it from their angle, only our own but is it true or are you creating something to keep you entertained and feeling activated in your own life? Most often I find that people are so creative and don’t give themselves credit for that creativity however, it could be put to better use in being creative for the enjoyment of life rather than the drama of it.



Do you want to quiet the inner trickster and are you willing to live without the adrenaline rush of “oh, no, what do I do now?”  I know the first reaction may be, who me?  I don’t do that but you only have to look at social networking or any of the other blogging sites to see that there is a high propensity and desire for that feeling of fulfillment if only for just a moment.  This is similar to the rush achieved when one purchases a great blouse or eats a great piece of pizza or chocolate. It’s great to admit it and even better to shift the habit of lining up with the inner trickster.



Here are a few examples of the inner tricksters work and some questions to help you identify if you are dancing with your inner trickster or if you are aware of it and able to acknowledge it as that cute little bugger that quiets down when you don’t feed it.


  • What do you feel is your most creative inner trickster energy?  Does it tell you you aren’t smart enough?  You aren’t talented enough or that you lack abilities?
  • Is there a part of you that immediately agrees with others when they give their opinion even if it is something that you don’t agree with?
  • Do you feel you have to come back with an example of your own drama when someone shares their life?  An example of this would be if someone were saying that they had car trouble and what a challenge it was to get the tow truck there and you jump in with an even bigger tale of how difficult it was for you to get your car serviced and the run around that ensued.  Bigger is not always better.
  • Do you have a hard time with the opinions of others and what you “think” they may be saying about you?  This one usually brings a big response as we often think people are talking about us when in fact they are so worried about people talking about them that it is rarely the case that they are talking about us. (I know that is a bit of a puzzle but if you read it a few times you will get the humor in it as well. We humans are so funny in our learned behaviors.)


So what can you do to calm the inner trickster and allow it to go take a nap and only be present when you are not doing yourself a favor and growth is probable?


  • You can distract the inner trickster much like you would a two year old who wanted to climb the cabinets just because he can. A way to do this is by getting busy with anything that fills you up or that keeps you busy and distracted until the feeling of wanting drama to fill that hole. You could go for a walk, you could get creative artistically, you could clean or you could call a friend (NOT to talk about the challenge you are having but to share in their day.).  It only takes a short time to redirect that energy that is looking to be filled up.
  • You can recognize that it is there and much like the child example, send it for a nap. I used to do this a lot when I first started doing readings. My inner trickster was so creative it would do a conversation before the person even got there… the whole conversation…so what was the point of them showing up? Creative eh? One of the exercises I would do was to picture my inner trickster, or ego, as being dressed as I am that day and imagine it peeling out of my body similar to those old movies where the soul would rise up out of the body after someone passed. I would then send it to the kitchen, as I was doing readings in my home then, to wait for me to finish the session. I have left her on the side of the road, in the shower or standing in that kitchen for long periods of time. There was no anger in it, simply a reassignment. Over time this was unnecessary and only on occasion does she get sent to the other room for her nap.
  • You can also learn to love and appreciate the inner trickster. This will allow it to learn acceptance and not feel it has to rear its ugly head to get attention. Appreciate the fact that you are brilliantly wired to self check and accept the fact that it will be a part of you for as long as you are physical and if you learn to love it; you won’t mind having it around.
The beauty of recognizing your inner trickster and being able to work with it is that cooperation happens and that adds to the flow of your life. Learning to love something that isn’t always pretty is a gift you give yourself for then whatever pops up in life can be taken at its value and not feared.  This is very freeing and something I KNOW you can  do.


 Loving and dancing with my Inner Trickster, 
Vicki



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Come on in, the weathers nice! Inside self that is. I see people almost every day who are afraid to look inside themselves like there are gremlins living in there. While I will grant you, we are pretty fascinating creatures, most of us are going to be ok delving into what is in there and coming out with a ruby IF we don't create a story around it or "sit in it." Go in, look around, see what could be attended to, gather your tools and then take breaks on the outside again. See?  Not so scary. 

We all know within what is important to us and what could really use some shifting. We all have that Inner Truth. 

When one hears the words inner truth there can be a cringe that goes through the system. This is a reaction, I believe, that inner truth is harder to find than it really is. Of course, it is going to be different for every person as we are all very different souls but it still is something that is very accessible.

It is my desire that everyone would find this, whatever it is for them, and allow themselves to know that peace and the absolutely, amazing, wonderful feeling that comes from connection with self. This feeling, space, realization, whatever the adjective, is what sustains us. It keeps us striving for more and allows us to expand beyond where we are at any given moment. It is very much our personal gps system guiding us to that whole feeling that our soul knew and knows is possible for every being to achieve.

We are not meant to be stagnant. Every organism that is of this universe is constantly growing and raising its vibrational frequency. We all have a knowing that this is the exciting part of our journey. The constant desire for more. For some this will be in the context of stuff, for others it may be spiritual fulfillment, for others it may be cultivating a talent that comes naturally but they don’t really understand. It really is of no matter where that desire manifests itself, it is more that the individual realizes it is great, it is natural and it is something to delve into with excitement.

It has been my experience that we allow fear to hold us back. We allow it to keep us from that place of understanding in self and others. We may have been conditioned to react to good things with a skepticism that wasn’t in us when we came into this earthly realm. This may have come from well meaning individuals, from teachers in our lives, both of the traditional variety and the ones that we meet socially along our journey, or from our own ingrained anxiety. Wherever it comes from it is interesting to me that we, over time, become oblivious to the vibration of energy and that fear and excitement actually have the same vibration in the universe. Feel about this for a moment.

Think of a time when you were anxious, nervous or otherwise zinging with energy that felt negative. Ok, other than if you are in a dangerous situation, could that feeling you had been excitement if you had approached the zing differently?  If you had taken a moment to really feel it, would it have felt like excitement? Perhaps a new chapter in your life or an opportunity to become clear on the direction your life was taking? Have you gotten into the habit of seeing things from a scary perspective?

We will explore this a bit more in the following chapters where you will learn how to shift that reactive muscle from fear to excitement. It’s fun, I promise!

For now let’s look at how to find that Inner Truth that seems so elusive. Take a moment to look at what means a lot to you. This will help you to locate the door to that  truth.
  • Is it important that people are honest?
  • Does it bother you when you feel something or someone has been “wronged”?
  • Is there an aspect of your personality that you deny out of fear of exposing it to others? I call this the what will people think syndrome.
  • Do others possess something that you would love to have? This can be in the physical, such as jobs or homes, or it can be in the emotional such as confidence or a sense of peace about them.
  • If you were to finish this statement what would you say? “If there is one thing I know I stand for it is...”
Ok, have you found the door? Have you found something that you can feel excited about entering? It is completely ok if you have not. You will, I know you will. Keep asking yourself questions until something creates a feeling of excitement. Remember to be aware that if the feeling is anxiety or stress, to look at that as it may really be excitement dressed in another’s clothing.

When you find the door, you are then going to utilize the key to unlock the door. This key consists of the abilities you already possess. Those that you may not be aware you have or have overlooked and don’t realize how special you really are.

In my groups I have asked many times for those that are participating to do this next exercise and most often they look at me like I have five heads. I am used to that look so for the most part I find it amusing, so if you feel so inclined to say something like has she lost her marbles or she’s got to be kidding. Go for it, I can take it.

Take a few moments to write out all of the positive, exciting, joyful, I’m all that and a bag of chips qualities you possess. Yes, all of them. I’ll help you get started:
  • I am at heart a good person.
  • I love to help others.
  • I bring joy wherever I go.
  • I can organize anything.
  • Animals love me.
  • I sing, dance, paint, write, sculpt, cook, speak, etc. well.
  • I have a great sense of humor. (Even if you are the only one who thinks you are funny. ESPECIALLY if you are the only one who thinks you are funny!
Continue to write as many as you can come up with. Use your daily life to give you inspiration about what you do well but also how you interact with self and others.

Now, when you have that completed and are feeling great about yourself ask three other people to give you their list of who they see you are. Please choose those that are going to be honest as well as complimentary. This is the part where the groups usually groan because it is hard to ask others what they like about ourselves but I promise the result is often amazing. While I know how we feel about ourselves is the most important, I also know that we rarely recognize our greatness and others are often happy to do so if we give them the chance.

Once you have compiled some of this data, sit back and absorb it. Allow yourself to revel in the feeling of positive reinforcement. Too much of our lives are based on a negative motivational response system. We do things because we are afraid of the outcome if we don’t but often that garners a completely opposite effect of what we really want in our lives. Energy is energy so what we pay attention to, we get whether that is something seemingly positive or not. When we focus on negative aspects of our personalities it heightens that area so it is my intention to help you re-align and focus on what is great about you and build on it until you know that you have all it takes to connect with your Inner Truth and be willing to live it as well.

I hope you are brave enough to do the exercises above. They aren't to benefit me, but they will benefit you and that is the intention here. You connecting with your Inner Truth will ripple out into the universe and help others to as well then we can all have fun together. 

Inner truth seeking every blessed day of my life and loving it, ok mostly liking it with sprinkles of loving it in there, 
Vicki

Thank you for joining me in this walk through my book. I have to admit, it was fun to re-read it again. It was started because people were asking for a Vicki to go version. While I have a few more ideas up my sleeve, I thought I would roll this one out now while the others are coming together. 

The best place to start with any journey is the now right? So, this is why the first chapter of the book is called Your Current IT. 

Identifying what one is currently working on can take a lot of stress out of life. We often push against the energy of change so ignoring what is right in front of us is easy. As one of my brilliant clients said once “but Vicki, it takes a lot of courage to imagine your life different.” Yes, it does, but that ability to see different scenarios is the beauty of being human, being eternal, and being a soul.  Do you have the courage to see your life different? Do you have the courage to believe that your IT, when brought to light, can actually enhance your life? I believe you do. I believe it because I know everyone has the ability to grow beyond where their current limitations are set and I know that with a little encouragement, great heights can be attained.
Being willing to look at whatever is feeling out of sorts with us is one of our greatest abilities. To factor, to sort, to delve into the deepest depths and come up with the oyster is what makes being a human so great. We perhaps just need to learn how to do it without judging it so that it doesn’t hurt so stinking much and so we can find the joy that life is meant to be. So, are you ready to do that? What if I said I would be here to encourage all along this journey, would that make it easier? I am, so let’s get started.

For each question, be as honest as possible:
  • What in your life do you find annoying?
  • What would you like to change if you had a magic wand?
  • How is ignoring the truth helping you right now? If it wasn’t filling some kind of need, you wouldn’t keep doing it.
  • Is there ingrained teaching leading the continuation of the behavior or habit?
When I have a current IT I am working on, I can procrastinate with the skill worthy of a PhD in procrastination! What my clients have taught me to do, while in the process of reading for them, is address whatever it is I don’t want to do at the time and bring light to it. Often it isn’t as scary as it seems. An analogy of this is when a child is scared of a monster in their room, often if you turn on a light it is a sweatshirt they didn’t put away. Our internal fears are often the same, when there is a light shown on it though, they are not as scary.

When I do this it no longer has control of me or my day. I may determine the time I spend ignoring it could be used to complete the task such as doing the dishes or writing this chapter!

I may also use my choice to address it later when I am more in enjoyment of what needs doing. When we do something when it doesn’t feel right, we introduce resistance to the very thing we were trying to release. So, if we leave it and come back to it when there is less friction, whatever the task is or the fear, it will dissipate so much easier. This requires a bit of flexibility but also an internal commitment that may have to be developed over time. This commitment is one to self. Basically, giving yourself permission to learn as you go so there isn’t so much pressure on whatever the task at hand is. It is similar to learning to walk, there are going to be times when you fall on the diaper but be glad it is there and get up again. No name calling, no judgment, just get up and try again. A lot of the times a baby will laugh when they fall. Wouldn’t it be great if we could remember that humor when we fall on our proverbial diapers?

So, what is your current IT? What is staring you right in the awareness sector and you are pretending politely to not make eye contact with? I invite you to travel through the following chapters and try the one that jumps out at you when you read the title. Often, it is right in front of us and we aren’t even aware we already know what direction to head. If, like in the example above, your it is how others annoy you, well perhaps you can look at each of the annoyances as a teacher to see what it is really about YOU that you aren’t so fond of. Often when we point the finger at others it is really our own issues that we are trying to avoid. Try this the next time it comes up. It can be really exciting if you drop the judgment.

Come on, it will be fun, ok, maybe not the WHOLE thing but most of it will be enlightening, freeing and so empowering to meet you and really like who you are. I promise you are great, I know it already and we’ve just met.

Give yourself the gift of looking within this week and being pleased at what you see. Go ahead, have fun with it and be nice to you. 

Currently accentuating my It, 
Vicki

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