One of the things that is certain is, you will not get out of this lifetime without having some type of relationship. Lately I have been paying attention to the relationships in my life and deciding which ones I want to invest my energy on. I think it's healthy to do this periodically as we change, others change and why hang onto one that is not serving.

 

As I was doing my evaluation of self and asking where I might improve in my relationship with others, I found myself creating questions regarding what type of relationships I had. It stands to reason that with each relationship there would be different dynamics. For instance the relationship with your spouse, will have different elements than a relationship with a friend, or at least it had better or the relationship with your spouse will not last! Due to the variables in all of us, how we interact with each person and their variables can be vastly different. 

 

When our kids were growing up, and sometimes now even as adults, I have had to remind them that I wasn't their buddy, dude, homie or girl, I was Mom (Vic) and they would be wise to remember that when talking with me. Being aware of the guidelines in a relationship can mean all the success in the world. 

 

During my self assessment I came up with three areas that I thought were pretty smart and would help me decide how to identify where a relationship stood. I asked myself if it was:

Co-dependent- did either of us depend on the other to be in their life as if it was a lifeline? Similar to that whole "you complete me" bologna. Assessing if I was the person needing to be needed and if that gave me identity or if the other person was clinging and I was done carrying their energy. This type of relationship can be very draining for both parties. 

 

Co-existent- are we in each others life due to obligation, guilt or "have to"? Are either one of us too chicken to say, hey, this isn't what I want right now. Have we decided we are tolerating each other because we share some DNA? Is the other person done with me and I know it but don't want to be the one to mention it?  (This is rare, I will mention it, wish them well and relieve them of my presence.) This type is also draining until a conversation is had and then it can shift to nourishing. 

Co-Operative- This one is my favorite. Are we two individuals that accept each other for who we are, in all our greatness, and choose to be in each others life? This is the type of relationship that fills you up, not depletes you. Can we say ANYTHING to the other and have it be received as it is intended without reading anything into it? Can we trust that this person will not hold back if you are wearing something hideous, have said something insensitive, or are not being supportive to yourself? 

I am very blessed to have quite a few of the last category in my life. I like to think it is because I am willing to see my stuff and take responsibility for whatever I may have done when not in my most shining moments. I also hope that as the years go by, I learn how to be more of that person in the relationship that thinks of the other and offers compassion, humor and an occasional, are you really going to wear that? It takes a lot of courage to co-operate with me. :)

What type of relationships are you cultivating in your life? What kind of relationship do you have with self?  After all, this is the most important relationship we can have. Are you willing to put a little time into assessing the way you interact with the world and kick it up a notch where it feels like you may be living in the first two categories? I hope you are. 

Co-living on this wonderful Earth we have, 

Vicki

 

www.vickibaird.com

So, most of you are aware I receive a lot of my information in pictures and metaphors. Very often these metaphors are directly related to the person I am speaking to. We all identify with different messages and comparisons to previous experiences. It delights me when I have a reference that I haven't heard before that applies to many more than the person I am speaking to at the moment.

I was having a conversation with a friend and while we were chatting I kept seeing this fanny pack around her waist with little toy people in it. I asked her if she would be willing to take of her family pack. My head heard fanny pack, but my mouth said family pack. It does make sense as we often carry around with us our family and friends. In her case they were so portable she was wearing them as an accessory.

After we had a good chuckle about it she admitted that it was often hard for her to let go of the old roles that everyone has been playing for so many years. Some of them were no longer even in the roles that had been identified from the beginning. She no longer needed her parents permission to be wonderful, to be successful, to even be a good mother herself. Practice had her still feeling like she was in those rolls when they were no longer applicable.

I suggested that she reach around that cute little fanny pack and unhook the buckle that was there and see how that felt. Sometimes making changes is difficult and you want to take them step-by-step rather then all in one fell swoop. It was still a challenge for her to wrap her head around the fact that she could do whatever she wanted. This is a highly successful woman who has reached a high levels of professional success so she was quite aware on some level that she was capable of shifting the thought but  had a difficult time doing it. 

This was a perfect scenario for using the Belief Re-patterning that I have trained in. Often our heads get caught in old patterns so much that they have a difficult time shifting we have to help them along. It's no different than driving a five speed and wanting to use everyone of those levels. Shouldn't we want to use every level of the self that we have?

I am excited to help her shift to a space where her cognitive life lines up with her energetic self and creates a positive path for her in the future. We will meet and we will do some re-patterning around this and in a short time a wardrobe change so that she no longer carries around the family pack.

Do you have a fanny pack? Do you have a family pack? Keeping in mind family is not always those that are related, they can be co-workers, society or friends.  Do you have stickers on your fanny pack? What is inside your fanny pack if you look in there? We all have one, at some point though it's important to recognize that it doesn't go with every outfit that we have. Take the opportunity to assess what you have in your fanny pack. If they are tools and they are positive, supporting skills, then leave them there. If it is anything that is not helping you to be the best you, take it off and feel how light you can feel without it.

I have a literal fanny pack. It's the treat bag that I use when training Tank. I'm not saying it's the most attractive thing in the world, but it serves a wonderful purpose. It reinforces behavior for him that is helping him to be a well mannered ambassador of his species. Each time he responds in a positive manner or he does a command without even being asked to do it, he gets rewarded. These are not big rewards they are little tidbits that say to him you matter, you're doing a fantastic job, more of that will get you more of the good stuff. He's very proud of himself when he completes the task as you have asked.

All I'm saying here is get yourself a supportive family pack if you're going to wear one. Have some treats in it, some supplies, and if you going to wear it a lot, make it your own and please bedazzle that thing and rock it!

Checking out all the styling fanny packs out there,

Vicki