"There are two primary choices in life: to accept conditions as they exist, or accept the responsibility for changing them." Denis Waitley
 

This quote showed up on my desk today and while I love words, rarely does a quote stand out so much that I feel compelled to share it. Some of you may be familiar with the is quote but I was not, yet it sums up my beliefs in one short sentence....either accept what is going on or do something about it.

It may come as a surprise to some but I have very little patience for those that want to stay in their story and repeat patterns over and over again. I have HUGE compassion for their process and the angst that can be created, but patience, yeah, that I could use some help with cultivating. It is in fact, one of the aspects that I find least attractive about me. I'm ok with the fact that it is there but I am also encouraged to shift it so as not to be known as the coach who uses a line like Dr. Phil, "how's that working for you?" too often. I love that line but I do feel there is a middle ground of approach that can be more beneficial and loving.

This last year has taught me the amazing power of patience as well as self observation. I have had more a ha moments in the last three months than in YEARS of knowing me. To tell the truth, I could use a break but I'm nosey so I have no doubt I will keep watching for those times when a raise in my own vibration would not only help me, but the situation I am in.

Have you noticed that this year has been very much a "here's your stuff, right in your face, do you see it? good, are you going to acknowledge it or do I have to get louder" year? Not exactly something to put on a calendar and be inspirational but true nonetheless. So, if the energy is helping us to see our stuff, I think it is our responsibility to do something about it.

Now, this stuff could be good stuff too. Maybe you have learned a new skill, developed some self esteem or boundaries. Perhaps you have decided to make changes in your life you have been thinking about for a long time but didn't implement. Stuff can be neutral, neither good or bad but simply stuff. How we look at it determines whether it is what we want to hang on to or let go and after we look at it whether we get busy or not determines whether we are ready to accept responsibility.

Responsibility in my opinion is not blame. It is simply the act of saying, well yes, I did have something to do with that as it showed up in my life and now that I acknowledge it, I can shift it if necessary.

In my book I talk about how to watch our lives like a movie to get perspective because let's be honest, if you keep the emotion in it, the ability to see your part may be a little tricky. So, try this the next time there is a situation in your life that seems to be gathering some drama speed, step back, watch the scene unfold and then respond, do not react to what is going on. Take responsibility for your emotions as well as your actions first and then decide if you even want to engage. Walking away is a perfect response sometimes. In walking away you take a responsible action to not further whatever wasn't going well and help to diffuse any tension.

Then you can decide if there is any action to take.

So, where in your life are you not taking responsibility? Where are you waiting for someone else to fix things, or for something to blow over, or for it to change on its own like little fairies are going to come in and say a magic spell and poof everything will be good? (ok, that might be a bit of an exaggeration but I KNOW you know people who are living passive like that. Are you one of them?)

Once you have identified that one place, make one small step to move forward. Is it your finances? Contact someone who can help. Is it your relationship? Perhaps seek counseling for both of you or for yourself first. Is it your closet? Well, then take fifteen minutes and hang those clothes up. You can do anything for fifteen minutes. I promise you.

Once you have taken a step and accept that movement is what you want take your right hand and reach over your left shoulder and pat yourself on the back. Acknowledgement is fantastic too!

If you aren't willing to accept responsibility then I have one question for you? Insert Dr.Phil's voice "how's that working for you?". If you need help in seeing or accepting, I am here with all the compassion in the world, just don't expect to be allowed to sit in your story for that isn't a loving way to interact and I am so sure you have the ability to grow that I won't join you in your story but I'll be here if you want to write a whole new chapter and include some fantastic acceptance and responsibility to it. It's fun, I promise you.

While this year was in your face year, next year is lining up to be about, what do you want to do with your new found you....soooooo...you might want to get looking for you.

I wish you well on the journey,
Vicki

So what does happen if there is no knot at the end of your rope? What if when you get there it is slippery, your hands (or paws) won't hang on and you find yourself falling, falling, falling?

Have you experienced this? I bet you have. I bet we all have because life is full of moments that are potentially freaking scary and falling, falling, falling, is scary...until you realize that wait a minute, I always bounce. I always get up, find my way, claw back up to the top of the rope where hopefully there is a platform to stand and catch my breathe and maybe contemplate what the heck just happened and how can we NOT do THAT again?

Many times it isn't the circumstance that is happening but rather how you handle it that determines how well you live and how bounceable you really are.

This past  year I have had the opportunity to learn this through my husband's illness. While we navigated the health care system as well as the mine field of emotions that happen with any unknown, I've learned that even though it created some diversion of what we considered our path, it has also given roads that we may not have gotten to so fast. For instance, would I have realized that asking for help is not weakness on my part but rather as much fun for others to help as it is for me? Would we have deepened a relationship that works well or would we have stagnated like lots of couples who have been together for over twenty years?

Learning to be bounceable (admit it, you just had a vision of a me bouncing) also known as trusting is where I learned I had a knot that I just couldn't see. I learned that all the other smaller trials and diversions helped me trust that whatever the outcome we would be ok. I would be able to move forward and look for the next side road that shows up. Sure, it was incredibly scary and tear producing but even that helped me to accept that sometimes things are just hard and that's ok. That knot will always be moving and may be invisible at other times but the knowing that I have it will be the strength that helps me hang on to that rope or cliff or side of the building.

So trust in myself and the universe eventually lead me to the knowing that whatever road we were on, I would eventually find my direction again and my endurance. What is your rope? Is it your faith? Your belief in the universe? Your commitment to working out? Your track record of thriving through some tough times or are  you just developing it now and could use some help in tying your knot.

Ask yourself how you have made it through and eventually learned from past experiences. Also think of when you have seen others hold it together, or not, but move through trying experiences and advance themselves both emotionally and spiritually. What did they do that may inspire you to try?

However you find the knot, create a reminder that you have it. Place a sticker on your odometer, a reminder on your phone, a bracelet or something that says, hey, you have created a safe spot, why don't you use it?

Viewing the journey from ALL the roads offered,

Vicki

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