Going back to move forward.

Ever have one of those experiences presented to you that you KNOW is in your best interest but your gut tells you that it is going to be BIG and maybe a little scary to show up to? Kind of like a root canal or committing to a degree program, yeah that is what this week had felt like to me so far. Actually the degree program would probably be less stressful and I would get to buy school supplies, who doesn't love that?

A couple of months ago I had agreed to speak at an event where I would be challenged to encourage change, teamwork and a can do attitude. I thought, oh that's easy, I can do that, I do that every day in my work and LOVE it. So I readily agreed. Did I mention that this would be at the place where I had spent a lot of time and did a ton of growing, not always in a loving way and sometimes in a contortionist ouch that hurts way? No? Well, yes it was. I still thought, oh good, full circle, this is good too Vicki, just do it, kind of like Nike!  Get in there, do your talk, we all know I can talk, and be grateful for the experience. So I did.

Let me preface this by saying I am VERY grateful for the experience and truly believe in the place still. So, here come the hard part...IT WAS HARD! It was difficult to go in and not be a part of the organization but as my former favorite roommate at this place would say, the red headed step child. I never really got that statement until this week. I have had times, like all of us, where I didn't feel like I fit and most of the time I can just roll with it and ask what am I supposed to learn here and be done with it, yeah, a little harder here. It was harder because the rules had changed. I wasn't an employee, I was the hired help (well, technically the not hired help as I waived my fee because if you are going to be in pain, you may as well do it for free, right? Oy.). I was the one that was questioned when I first got there what service could I possibly provide (yes, this was said out loud to me and not an ego thing, although it could become one if I let it, I didn't.) and they hoped my talk was interesting. No pressure right?

So, long story short, I did my talk and I didn't like it. You know why I didn't like what I said, which was the same things I had written out and loved? I didn't like it because I bailed on me. I conformed to what they wanted. I gave the talk some did not want to hear, as was evident by some hand gestures in the audience. Here is a clue to those of you attending talks, WE CAN SEE YOU doing those faces and gestures and I can only assume the subject made them uncomfortable and send compassion. Later I could have a melt down but in front of people, no way.

I allowed a situation to dictate who I was and pull me out of the alignment I work so hard to maintain. I allowed someone to say to me, it is ok you are an intuitive but don't use any of that here. Deja vu I gotta tell ya, daja vu. So in that very moment when I was driving away from the venue I made a commitment to myself that I would only do events that were in alignment with who and what I am and the others can hire those that will give speeches that align with their desire to repeat past patterns. I was not the chick for the job. That was so clarifying and freeing because if I'm not me, no one else will be so I gotta rock this intuitive Vicki thing.

The reason I share this besides the fact I am an open book, is that you may have had similar situations and not known what to do with the emotions or the reactions that come up. Well, you look at them, you examine your part and you let it go if someone else doesn't like what you have to say. You show up for YOU and you embrace all your wonderful qualities and allow those that want to point fingers to do so, but don't agree to be on the firing range.

As the quote says, your vision will become clear when you look inside of you. I'm here to ask you to do that BEFORE you walk into a situation no matter how much you want to believe people change and are accepting. Some just aren't, bottom line. How you feel about you is the most important and perceptions of others, well, they just aren't that important. Should you find yourself in the situation, don't panic, just take a breathe and line back up with what you know to be true.

I will take this experience and still be grateful for it for I truly believe there is a message in any situation. Then I will be thankful to myself that I have been willing to change and am excited for any opportunity that can help me do it some more. I know I will be less likely to do the contortionist thing again because I will see it so much quicker next time. The beauty of life experience.

Here is to learning how to navigate this spiritual experience in a human body one glorious lesson at a time.

Viewing life with just a little bit more awe,
Vicki

www.vickibaird.com