...what
if we gave the holiday heartache perception a break? A holiday for the
holiday's so to speak. What if for this year, and if it catches on, we can
extend it to the following years, the whole, "the holidays are so tough to
go through" verbiage goes away?
For
obvious reasons, people are extending their well wishes to me and my family
this holiday season and almost without fail the intro is "the holiday's
must be tough...". Well, maybe I am insensitive or I am splitting hairs
but no, the holidays aren't tough to go through. The holidays are the one
predictable event someone who has experienced a change in their life, such as
someone croaking, can depend on. The days are specific, even set up on the
calendar way in advance, some even falling on the same day each year. How
wonderful is that? If you choose to be in sorrow those days, well, it's already
figured out for you. You can plan to be sad, lonely or cranky on those days.
Premeditated pouting.
If
you are like me, you can also plan to honor those days and perhaps be in
silence, go for a long walk or be with those that make your heart sing. You can
wake up with the intention of being grateful for the times and holidays you
have spent with the loved one previous to this year. You can be assured that
the holiday will pass and the day after the holiday will come along and you
made it through and life can return to normal.
Except,
what is normal? Sure the days of the week fall in a great pattern and are
predictable as well, but for me, I have not found a pattern to when my head
will remember Howard isn't coming in the door after having coffee with a
friend. A pattern to when I am grocery shopping and it hits me I don't have to
buy Arizona Green Tea anymore. Sometimes I can make it through a whole shopping
trip and not even consider it and sometimes, whoa, right there in the beverage
aisle, very deep breathing to get through the rest of the trip where I purchase
drinks for myself only while sucking back the tears until I get to the car.
Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't.
My
point is this life process is unpredictable enough without setting ourselves up
for tougher times. What if we said, wow, the holidays are a fantastic time to
reflect on the silly, fun, fattening, and heartfelt times we've spent together?
What if we returned to the true feeling of the holidays of helping others and
putting down our electronic devices and connecting with each other, nature or
selves if that is your preference?
What
if we realized that the "stuff" we are buying isn't filling us up and
realize what our hearts and souls are yearning for is to be seen, heard,
participatory and in awe of the time and people we are so fortunate to know.
Ourselves included. What if we gave ourselves the gift of appreciating this time
of year and the fact that we have time to spend? Not to be maudlin, but
I'd love more time with Howard as I am sure you would love more time with those
who have crossed in your life. We can't have that in the physical, but we
can learn from it.
What
if for this year, and if it catches on, we can extend it, we stop wasting time
on tired old phrases and assuming things have to be hard and start appreciating
who is in our lives and make the connections that matter to the heart. What if
you give yourself and others that gift this year and see if it isn't the
perfect size after all?
One
of the messages I have heard repeatedly over the years from those who have
crossed is that the "Stuff" is of no concern to them. They love
spending time with us. I believe they have it correct and I intend to listen.
Do you?
If
you see me in the store and I am doing my deep breathing exercise, please know,
there are so many moments of sheer joy that take my breath away too when I
remember those who have crossed and no matter the emotion, I am grateful to
have it for it means I too, loved and am loved.
Celebrating
every day as its own holiday,
Vicki
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