The struggle is real...

...but it doesn't have to be. Whatever the struggle is about, it has occurred to me often before that we fight the movement of forward motion. I see it a lot and I know I have been lately. As much as things have changed since July, I find myself wanting to sit still and not change too much more. While I know this is not possible as life is all about change, my system seems to want to hit that pause button on the dvr of life. This is fine if we are talking taking a break, nap or a time out but if it becomes a way of operating, it can down right painful.

We as humans make things so difficult sometimes. I can make it so hard on myself if it means it will effect another person.  Specifically, I have been going back and forth on a business decision for over six months now. So, to be clear, since before Howard, the dude, husband and vice president of our company, croaked. We talked about it a lot before he went in the hospital and even when he came home on hospice. To the point, where his response was always, "you have to do what's best for you, Hon." "Yeah, that's a lot of help", I would say to him.

This week I completely get what he was talking about. I do have to do what's best for me and at this time, it is to not take any appointments where clients want to specifically communicate with those who have crossed. While this has become a smaller part of the work I do over the last few years, it has also become much more challenging for me to do. Read: So incredibly painful I have all I can do to be upright after a session.

It is so hard for me admit that I have a hard time doing something. Do you have this fun part of your personality too? I can easily hire someone for a job I don't know how to do and be happy to pay them, but to choose to stop doing something I can obviously do, feels a bit like quitting. I'm very much a suck it up buttercup when it comes to myself. I can have compassion for another and their conflict while expecting unreasonable levels of performance from myself. Most of the time, I love this about myself. I like a goal, target, carrot, intention or dream. This week I realized this isn't serving myself and it certainly isn't serving my clients, to whom I am so grateful, if I ask them to listen to self but don't do so as well.

This gratitude is what has had me doing the sessions this long. I am so appreciative of the trust people place in me and so freaking proud of the ethics I have held in my work. It is also because of these ethics that I felt I had to say something. I could have let it be quietly known or leave it to Donna to tell people, but I feel honesty is always the best policy.

Since my friend Dave passed in March, the communications from those who have crossed have been comforting and affirming of what I have always known; croaking is a good thing. When Howard passed in August, they have been as well, but I find it challenging to do my growing process while tapping into the realm where they are, which is where your loved one are too. It turns out I may be human after all!

I felt like I would be a hypocrite if I asked people to be themselves and listen to their hearts and not do that myself. My heart is hurting and my abilities don't give me a free pass on that. I feel my clients pain when they come in and while I can support someone who is grieving quite well, to feel the pain of their process related to someone passing while communicating with that soul, has become emotionally debilitating. NOT a fun place to be!

To be clear, I will still be doing readings, coaching and Belief Re-patterning as I have done for almost fifteen years. The abilities I use to do this actually come in two different forms. So, I can turn down the medium aspect of my work and be quite strong, even more clear, in helping people to see their paths.  I will still be offering the guidance and my special blend of intuition, tools and belief in others. It will now be with the clarity of knowing that while those on the other side continue to support us in a session, their messages will need to be felt by you, for you. Which is very possible if you would open up to being able to communicate yourself.

As I was reminded today, all is well. Deciding to focus on my Belief Re-patterning and intuitive coaching business, where my strengths are right now, brings healing too. What it also gives me is an appreciation and knowing that when I listen to me, I can be of the most help to others.

I do hope you realize that you never really needed a medium to communicate with those who have crossed. Your heart does that. I was simply a microphone for your heart. It is ready to sing on it's own.

Listening to my heart and holding you a part of it,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com