One of the inherent traits of being human seems to be our love of comparing ourselves to others. In any given conversation one can observe the desire to want to compare or one up the person that they are speaking with. I'm not sure if it has become more of a prevalent thing, or if I have simply become more aware of it. Either way, I am grateful that I became more aware of it this week and observed the conversations I was having with others to see if I was engaging in the comparison dance.

I know I have in the past and I know it came from a hyper awareness of others energy, as well as, feeling that I had to justify anything that was going well in my life. Following last weeks blog where I talked about stuffing emotions, I have a tendency to downplay what I have accomplished or what I know or even what I have been through in my life. As I watched myself communicate this week I found it fascinating how often I wanted to engage in that comparison place. I also found it fascinating how often the person I was speaking with wanted to do the comparison dance. It ended up being an exercise in restraints for me which also affirmed that if we are comparing, we aren't present in the conversation because were already digging up data to give as the next part of the conversation.

I am fortunate to have relationships with some wonderful women who show up in our dialogue in a sharing manner. Meaning, when we are talking there is a presence that can be felt as the other person is listening. At least from my vantage point, it feels as if we are playing a great game of tennis and as each person lobs the ball back, there is a period of time where what has been said is heard and responded to. This has helped me immensely this week to commit to being in communicative relationships where we are sharing, not comparing.

As a matter of fact, that was my mantra this week. "Sharing or comparing? Which one are you engaging in?"

When I first started working out and was sharing the excitement with anyone who wanted to, or didn't want to, listen I often was met with resistance energy from those I was talking with. It wasn't resistant because of the subject matter, it was resistant because the person was comparing what they did or didn't do to what I was talking about. If we were talking about how often we worked out in a week and I said that I aim for 4 to 5 days a week, it was common for me to hear back how they should do that or had to get back to doing it. The other response I got was that I needed to be careful and not work out too much because my adrenals, knees, arms, legs or earlobes couldn't handle it. I was honestly stymied by the response because I thought we were simply sharing not comparing. I didn't have my great saying at the time so I would often try to assuage their fears by downplaying how hard the workouts were.  And they can be freaking hard. That's the fun part!

I decided this week that I am going to do my best to be a great participant in conversations whether they are verbal or in text by honoring what the other person is saying and firing my comparing critic. Because that's what it typically is, isn't it? Rarely are we comparing in a way that is supportive of both parties. Rarely do we compare ourselves with others in a way that helps us to be better people. I believe if we are looking to another and wanting to attain or be in a manner that they live their lives it isn't comparison were using but rather inspiration. Inspired by them being themselves and a desire to experience the same in ourselves. Unless, of course, we are measuring ourselves on the short stick for not having done what they have done yet. Then it would be comparing.

So what kind of a participant in conversations, including social posting, are you? Does your mind default to a comparing place? If someone speaks of their success, do you immediately go to what you haven't accomplished yet? Or do you get excited with them and appreciate the effort they have put in in order to create a success? The first would be comparing, the latter would be sharing. Which one feels like it would be more fun to experience on a daily basis?

Be honest with yourself this week and observe your conversations with others. You don't have to tell them what's going on in your head. Just be aware if the critic in your brain wants to go to comparison with one of you being on the short end of the deal. Meaning if they say they did something you don't agree with you don't come back with "well, I wouldn't do that!". Also be willing to see if you really are in that share place when you were talking with others. How fantastic would it be to catch yourself doing something well?

I know we each came into our physical being to be and do amazing things. How are we supposed to do that if we are comparing ourselves to others? There won't be time as we are too busy looking at their paper to record something brilliant on ours. Let's commit to being present and celebrating each other by sharing experiences, thoughts, recipes, ideals, respect and overall gratitude that we have a brain and emotional ability to do it! 

Sharing is caring, so feel free to send this to a friend! 

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

These last two weeks have been a doozie, haven't they? I don't know about you, but I have felt like every lesson I have learned in my forty-six years is right there up in my face. They seem like that person at a cocktail party that doesn't know personal space and won't back up no matter how clear you are you don't like it.

I like seeing my stuff. Oh, I don't always like the subject but I appreciate being able to realize I've got stuff and it could use some work. By stuff I mean emotions, experiences and awarenesses that I either didn't want to look at in the past or that I crammed down in denial; probably with gluten free pretzels and hot tamales. Carbs are my go to stuffer, can you tell? Being willing to see my stuff, understand it and learn from it means less carbs in my future. I sincerely hope this.

I had an experience this week that helped me see how much stuffing I have done my whole life. Now, I was well aware I am a stuffer, I come from a long line of stuffers. What I wasn't aware of was how tiring that is and how it keeps us in the soup. I was lamenting about a pattern I saw in my life and how I was, quite frankly, done with it. In working with Belief Re-patterning these last few years, I feel I have become really adept at spotting a pattern and then wanting to release it. A bit like solving a puzzle. There is excitement about the process and satisfaction when it is complete. I have done this a lot over the years and know it to be a great experience, after I accept that I had been contributing to the pattern. Of course I have contributed; it's MY pattern!

So, the one that was most evident was not allowing myself to feel hurt. The level of pain I can feel intuitively is so great that I had learned to smoosh (technical term) anything that felt even close to that so I didn't have to go through it. Well, that sneaky husband, who was and continues to be a great teacher for me, goes and croaks and there is no way to hold back the hurt now. It's there like a horrible pimple on prom night. Front and center demanding attention.

The amazing part of all of this learning these last few weeks is although I miss him like crazy, the hurt wasn't specifically about Howard. It was about all the other times I felt hurt and I swept it under the carpet. I bucked up and powered on. Yeah....that's not possible anymore. The combination of incredible curiosity in how I'm wired, the desire to feel good in the time I have on this planet and the push I feel to help others discover the joy in understanding themselves has converged into a "look, here is a pattern and we can shift it and appreciate who we are in the process" way of living. I'm grateful for it. It totally stinks in the moment, but the more practice I have at looking at my stuff and being willing to accept that my stuff is not the identification of me, the lighter I feel and the more I can allow in the other feelings of joy, love, humor, empathy, acceptance and the list goes on.

So, are you a stuffer? Is that stuff you've been carting around so heavy that you can't even imagine life without it? Do you plaster a smile on your face and pretend something doesn't hurt? Cover it with sarcasm or worse, lashing out at others because your own crap is too much to deal with? Do you reach for pretzels too? Congratulations, you are human and may have learned from others around you to stuff. You are also capable of deciding if that is the way you want to live any longer. You can make a choice to look at your stuffing, see it as a teacher and address what is coming up. This works as such a great release mechanism that immediately, the body feels relief and the emotions calm.

Now, there may be times where I have to park my emotions and carry on with my day or the event I am attending but as a commitment to myself, I have promised me that when there is space, I will revisit the feelings with compassion and help myself to learn that expressing what we are feeling is a gift we can give to us on a daily basis.

Let's leave the stuffing for the holidays and pillows shall we?  Ironically, I can't stand the taste of stuffing. Hmmmm, think my subconscious was trying to help me all these years?  I do love pillows.

Take some time this week and look at what might be under the layers that you have stuffed there, in the back of your emotional closet and decide to take it out. You don't have to wear it out in the open so everyone can see. You can talk with your therapist, coach, smart friend or your guides and angels, but do talk. Let it out so the stuffing pattern gets released and honesty can be present. You will be most grateful to yourself that you did. I know you can do it. You are brave like that.

Using stuffing for pillows only,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

This week has been a challenging one for me. There wasn't any one thing that made it particularly tough, it just was. There wasn't anything that was any more difficult than the last year has been, well, unless you count the dryer dying, treadmill going on the fritz, the dog digging up the fence to escape, the water cooler overheating (ironic, I know.) or a major decision for my business that had to be made. Yeah, unless you count them, there wasn't anything too glaringly tough, it just was.

We've all had those moments, days, weeks where things feel so far out of whack that you have to sit back and wonder, what the heck is going on and whose movie am I starring in right now? Oh, I suppose you could whine and complain and throw a good snit, but what good would that do? I chose to sit back, with a cup of tea this time, and ponder, what the what?

Besides the mechanical issues, which let's face it, engines fail, it's part of the wonderful world of devices we have and I appreciate the people who are able to repair, replace and remake the items this totally dependent chic needs in her life. So, besides those, the only thing that was dependent on me was the decision around my business. What I came to realize was I wasn't listening to myself because I wanted to make nice for those around me. The trouble with that is once you've learned to listen to yourself and then you turn away from listening, the sounds get LOUD! Which then means I get loud, and sharp and cranky. Oh, I get cranky. I don't want to be in relationships that way. It serves no purpose (See above about whining and complaining.) and it's just plain annoying. I am grateful that I can see it quicker than I used to be able to and I can make the decision to change it.

I had to make the decision, no one else was going to be able to and shouldn't, it is my business. When I realized I was procrastinating I asked myself why and it came down to being who I used to be and having a tug of war with that. I used to just stuff what was bothering me and not say anything until I exploded, got it out and felt better but alienated those in close proximity to my explosion. I had slipped back into old habits and that is what was feeling awful, not so much the conversation I had to have.

In essence, I was doing the work of who I am not anymore. That is a lot of work! It is exhausting. Have you ever found yourself doing that? Working at who you aren't? Perhaps you aren't your mother, and you aren't, you are you, yet you find yourself acting exactly like what you didn't like about her personality. Maybe you have pointed the finger at someone else and wondered how they could be like that and then proceeded to do the same damn thing not a few moments or days later.

Emulation is a great thing to see in babies when they are trying to learn how to eat or speak and they copy us, but emulating and acting in ways that we know don't align with us may be part of the human condition, but I believe we can shift that. I believe once aware, because that is the kicker; being aware, we can shift faster and faster to the point of realizing it before we do the action or say the words.

My mother was a yeller. We have very good lungs. Opera singers in our lineage. We can belt out a tune and yell really, really loud. Really loud. It used to annoy me so much that things were always so loud but then we were told to be quiet. There was a confusing message there. When we had kids, I found myself doing the same until one day I saw myself yelling and was reminded of what it felt like to be in that energy and what it feels like in current time and decided then to change how I communicated my dissatisfaction or frustration. Besides, the kids said I was more impressive, or they might have said scarier, whatever, when I was quiet. Instant results. A smart parent uses feedback to grow too!

• So, who are you emulating or being in a way that is not supportive other than yourself?
• What behaviors are you engaging in because you watched them in another, maybe didn't even like them and in an effort to NOT be like that person, you created it anyway?
• What are you judging about yourself when you could accept who you are today and work from there?

It is important to accept that this is a part of being human and if we can emulate and fight being someone else, we can certainly use that energy to be ourselves. To learn who we are as ourselves and then be them. A world of original beings, wouldn't that be amazing?

Be original and honor others originality. It's quite fun.

Being me is a beautiful thing,

Vicki

p.s. Check out the song by Jordan Smith titled Beautiful Things to help you be you.

Youtube music for Beautiful Things

p.p.s Yes, I did make the decision and had the conversation and even though I felt sad around the decision, I also felt relief. Relief is what you will feel when you've been acting as another, even an old self, and you aren't that person. Relief then turns to ease. You want ease, right? Be yourself.

www.vickibaird.com

So, how has the energy been treating you lately? Wow, has it been flying around. I love it. To me it feels like we are going down hill on a bike with the wind in our faces, laughing like when we were kids. That is most of the time. Other times it feels like I could leave everything behind and go live on an island in a tiny house and only converse with the island creatures. The ones without a lot of legs. They give me the creeps.

As I've mentioned a cabillion times, energy ebbs and flows and we get these surges when collectively we are ready to make some huge strides. That excites me. I love growth. I believe because I am so curious about why we do things and how did we get here and where the heck are we going?

We all have choice in how we handle these energy surges. They have happened your whole life thus far and will continue to happen for the rest of it. Might be good to create a way of accepting them and then eventually, using them to your advantage. I often get a lot done on the mechanical side of my business when these come up. I also make huge decisions that thankfully, although tough at the time, have always served me. I realize that while it may seem like a lot on the plate at the time, I know that there will be an ebb where I play more and allow all the time I've put in and intentions I've set to manifest. It works for me. It may not work for everyone.

Some people may find that during this time, they want to find an old cave, crawl in and pull the rock behind them until it passes. Ok, go for it. That is your choice. I probably won't be here when you get out but someone will and that is the fun of such a mobile life. Much like when we are swimming at a public pool. You know how they have lanes so you don't wander into someone while doing laps? (I and those who swim at the same time are grateful these exist. I wander!) Well, these lanes are a great way of recognizing how we can all be in the same body of water, yet doing our own thing. I personally stink at the crawl, but my side and backstroke have power. You may do an amazing butterfly while our mutual friend in lane six is completely rocking freestyle.

We, as humans, tend to compare ourselves to those around us. I think it is evolutionary and helpful in some regard, limiting in others. I often listen to autobiographies about long distance runners because there is a desire in me to do that some day. I listen to them, I don't compare. I observe what they have to say, laugh about their adventures and wonder, who the heck wants to run over a hundred miles at a time? I love the diversity of we humans. Yet, I see so many people wrap themselves up in what the other has accomplished or has or acts like. So wrapped up that they can't even see how amazing they already are.

I have a friend that often will compare how much I get done in a day to what she does. I always laugh with her and say she is probably making it bigger in her mind what I do, than I actually accomplish. I've had to learn that it is her billy club she uses to beat herself up with, not mine. I used to diminish in my mind what I had done but that wasn't serving either of us.  I can encourage her to see we are all wired differently and have that same ebb and flow as the energy but I can't (other than to offer her Belief Re-patterning.) change her mind for her. Nor can I take on the fact that she is paying so much attention to my backstroke that she wandered into my lane and isn't paying attention to her butterfly. I can gently push her buns back into her lane by not joining her in her self limitation and encourage her to get down the length of the pool (life) in any way she can. Doggie paddle counts, you know.

So, let me ask you this; where in your life are you wandering into someone else's lane? Is there anyone in your lane as you are enjoying your swim?  If there is; can you gently yet assertively, show them their own lane and suggest they pay attention to their own stuff. Perhaps you can meet after the swim and get some lunch, but for now, lane respect.

Focusing on what someone else thinks of you, what they have, what they've done to you or where you feel they get all the breaks, is wandering into their lane. Being concerned about who they are dating now, what promotion they just got, or how you wish they would just see you as who you are, is wandering too.

What if you paid attention to yours, worked on your technique and laughed about your turn at the end of the pool when you are about to do another lap?

It is absolutely possible that when you do this that the other person may get out of the pool and head to the showers, i.e., leave your life. It is also possible that they may have some resentment toward you because you have stood your ground, ummm water lane, and they don't like it. A lot of things are possible and I have found that if we live in this fear of what could happen, life happens all around us. I don't know about you, but I've grown tired of being worried if someone was going to leave. Having friends and partners pass will teach you this real fast if you are paying attention. Things happen. People leave. As my friend Dave would say to his kids, buck up!

Adding to Dave's brilliant advice, buck up and choose your dang lane. Appreciate that we all came to do our own souls journey while living and connecting with others. It is a lovely, wonderful, respectful, fun, full of silly life when we do that.

The energy that is here now is only going to grow in vibration and that means that if you aren't looking to solidify your amazement and choice that life is for living and enjoying and choosing your lane; then I wish you well and might suggest something to calm your nerves. Perhaps coming to see me to re-pattern that or going for a swim.

Join me at the pool, won't you?
Vicki

www.vickibaird.com