Are you comparing or sharing?

One of the inherent traits of being human seems to be our love of comparing ourselves to others. In any given conversation one can observe the desire to want to compare or one up the person that they are speaking with. I'm not sure if it has become more of a prevalent thing, or if I have simply become more aware of it. Either way, I am grateful that I became more aware of it this week and observed the conversations I was having with others to see if I was engaging in the comparison dance.

I know I have in the past and I know it came from a hyper awareness of others energy, as well as, feeling that I had to justify anything that was going well in my life. Following last weeks blog where I talked about stuffing emotions, I have a tendency to downplay what I have accomplished or what I know or even what I have been through in my life. As I watched myself communicate this week I found it fascinating how often I wanted to engage in that comparison place. I also found it fascinating how often the person I was speaking with wanted to do the comparison dance. It ended up being an exercise in restraints for me which also affirmed that if we are comparing, we aren't present in the conversation because were already digging up data to give as the next part of the conversation.

I am fortunate to have relationships with some wonderful women who show up in our dialogue in a sharing manner. Meaning, when we are talking there is a presence that can be felt as the other person is listening. At least from my vantage point, it feels as if we are playing a great game of tennis and as each person lobs the ball back, there is a period of time where what has been said is heard and responded to. This has helped me immensely this week to commit to being in communicative relationships where we are sharing, not comparing.

As a matter of fact, that was my mantra this week. "Sharing or comparing? Which one are you engaging in?"

When I first started working out and was sharing the excitement with anyone who wanted to, or didn't want to, listen I often was met with resistance energy from those I was talking with. It wasn't resistant because of the subject matter, it was resistant because the person was comparing what they did or didn't do to what I was talking about. If we were talking about how often we worked out in a week and I said that I aim for 4 to 5 days a week, it was common for me to hear back how they should do that or had to get back to doing it. The other response I got was that I needed to be careful and not work out too much because my adrenals, knees, arms, legs or earlobes couldn't handle it. I was honestly stymied by the response because I thought we were simply sharing not comparing. I didn't have my great saying at the time so I would often try to assuage their fears by downplaying how hard the workouts were.  And they can be freaking hard. That's the fun part!

I decided this week that I am going to do my best to be a great participant in conversations whether they are verbal or in text by honoring what the other person is saying and firing my comparing critic. Because that's what it typically is, isn't it? Rarely are we comparing in a way that is supportive of both parties. Rarely do we compare ourselves with others in a way that helps us to be better people. I believe if we are looking to another and wanting to attain or be in a manner that they live their lives it isn't comparison were using but rather inspiration. Inspired by them being themselves and a desire to experience the same in ourselves. Unless, of course, we are measuring ourselves on the short stick for not having done what they have done yet. Then it would be comparing.

So what kind of a participant in conversations, including social posting, are you? Does your mind default to a comparing place? If someone speaks of their success, do you immediately go to what you haven't accomplished yet? Or do you get excited with them and appreciate the effort they have put in in order to create a success? The first would be comparing, the latter would be sharing. Which one feels like it would be more fun to experience on a daily basis?

Be honest with yourself this week and observe your conversations with others. You don't have to tell them what's going on in your head. Just be aware if the critic in your brain wants to go to comparison with one of you being on the short end of the deal. Meaning if they say they did something you don't agree with you don't come back with "well, I wouldn't do that!". Also be willing to see if you really are in that share place when you were talking with others. How fantastic would it be to catch yourself doing something well?

I know we each came into our physical being to be and do amazing things. How are we supposed to do that if we are comparing ourselves to others? There won't be time as we are too busy looking at their paper to record something brilliant on ours. Let's commit to being present and celebrating each other by sharing experiences, thoughts, recipes, ideals, respect and overall gratitude that we have a brain and emotional ability to do it! 

Sharing is caring, so feel free to send this to a friend! 

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com