Give away! ;)

I thought it might be fun to give away a chapter from my book today, so here you go! This is chapter seven and from the section What to do with IT!


Don’t Name It; Claim it, or Blame It

This is one of my favorite sayings as it puts it so clearly what not to
do and sometimes we have to know what not to do in order to
fi gure out what to do. One of my favorite quotes from Esther Hicks and
Abraham is “often we know what we don’t want to help us figure out
what we do want.” It is simply brilliant in its simplicity and its message
that if you can’t figure out what you want, you most always know what
you don’t want. How do you know? Well, humans complain. It is an
innate talent that is one of our least great achievements as beings on
this planet. We would be hard pressed to find another creature that
will complain when something happens to their habitat. One that
wants to blame everyone for their misfortune or wants to talk about it
endlessly in an effort to name whatever the inconvenience was. We are
special aren’t we? No, really, we are but we could use that specialness
to enhance our life rather than take away from it I believe. Humans
are always saying how we are the more evolved species, isn’t it time we
show that by paying attention to those lesser species and learning how
to be with whatever is happening? (Yes, I am being facetious here, we
can learn A LOT from other species when we pay attention.)

The clearest indication to me when someone is caught in the name,
blame, claim game is the excuses that come out of a conversation. It
seems to be a group effort, no blaming without the excuse cousin. It
is nice that the excuses and nbc (name, blame, claim) get along, but
not very serving of our individual selves. Excuses are the brake pedal
in life. If inspiration and growth are the gas than why would you want
to drive with the gas and the brake on? It would create a great circular
pattern no doubt and perhaps you are familiar with this pattern but is
it serving you?

So can you ask yourself, where are you living with excuses? This
isn’t to point out where you may be procrastinating, this is to help
you understand where you aren’t being honest with yourself, which is
equivalent to the jake brake in trucks, you know that rattling sound
when they have to slow down fast? Yeah, that is your excuseometer. Is
it rattling, squeaking, grinding in any way? If it is, this is where you see
the mechanic to fix it.

What excuse do you hear yourself use the most? Mine is not enough
time. Now, I know that isn’t true as time is relative and while I am very
busy, I always find the time and meet my goals so there is a big ole hole
in my excuse than isn’t there? So, what is yours? I shared mine, go for
it, name it. (Yes, there is a trick in this chapter as we shift from brake
to gas but go with me here.)

Now that you have named it, breathe. Allow yourself to accept it so we
can move forward.

Ok, ready? Good, now ask yourself,

• What am I receiving from this excuse?
• How is it benefiting me? Following my example, not enough
time, or too busy, the benefi t I can receive is a feeling of self
pity, self promotion or even a reason to not do other things.
Sometimes it’s not pretty to look at your own stuff, but it
ALWAYS feels better afterwards.
• So, what are you receiving from the excuse? What is your
pay off?
• Now, what is the action you can take to move past the
excuse? Again using my excuse, because I believe a lot of
people use this same excuse, I decided when I heard myself
saying the excuse, or thinking it, I would do whatever it was
I was avoiding because that was the real issue, avoidance.

So, if I had a class to write but felt I was so busy I couldn’t
sit down and do it and the excuse popped up, I chose to sit,
write something and move through the need to have my self
pity fix met. Not pretty, I’ll grant you, but it works when
you are honest with yourself and fi nd a sense of humor
about how creative we beings are.

This is the part where you do not blame it. It really doesn’t matter what
the issue is or what the reason is it has been created. All that really
matters is what you are willing to do to be in a better place in your life
and most importantly, in your soul for the learning you do now will
carry forward.

What can you do right now to move through that excuse you gave
previously? Can you clean out one drawer if your excuse is you are
not organized enough? Can you go for a walk for fi ve minutes if your
excuse was you are too tired to exercise? Can you sit down and write
for fi fteen minutes if you have a paper due and you just don’t have the
inspiration to do it. Write spaghetti over and over again until you move
through whatever it is you are avoiding. It doesn’t matter what you write
as long as you are doing something to move forward. The same is true
of the organization or the exercise. It is also true if your excuse is you
just can’t afford to do anything, you can, you are just using an excuse
to stay stuck. There are a lot of free activities as well as ways to increase
income or decrease debt, some actually fun! Seems silly doesn’t it when
we put it that way, doesn’t it? Remember that old standby, honesty is the
best policy? This is especially true if we are talking about self.
So while you are being honest, give yourself the gift of no claiming. I
don’t feel it is a coincidence that claiming and complaining rhyme so
well. There is a distinct connection between the two. Once you start
complaining you have already claimed whatever it is you are giving
negative attention to. By virtue of giving your attention you have
claimed it. Now, we can’t edit every thought that comes into our mind
for that would make us nuts, but we can learn to focus on what fi lls us
up rather than depletes us.

For just a moment, think of something you complain about often.
Got it? Good now really feel what it feels like in your body when you
complain. What do you feel? Do you feel elated, pumped up, ready
to charge ahead? Do you feel crummy, depressed or lethargic? What
is your body telling you? Please listen because this is the fi rst step in
listening to yourself and rewiring the messages that have been playing
for many years leading you in the direction of drama and negativity.
If you feel pumped up, there is a good chance you thrive on the drama
of your excuses and the excitement you feel is being fed as a type of
addiction that will never serve you well for like a lot of addictions, you
will go back for more and more and more.

If you feel depressed or less than enthusiastic, it is depleting your system
and each time you participate in complaining, you are decreasing your
enjoyment of life over and over. If there were a magic pill for this,
everyone would need a prescription but there isn’t. It is magic when
you realize you have a say in how you feel and decide to make some
changes to feel better and develop habits that support your greatness. I
know you can do it.

When you feel you are sliding into naming, blaming or claiming, don’t
judge yourself, but redirect, move just a bit off the habit toward action.
We all know that actions come after our thoughts so if you can take the
time initially to shift those thoughts and rewire the automatic response
to one of positive action, your actions are going to flow nicely. In this
place you would be focusing on what is now and right in front of you
rather than what is not. So you would have shifted from the gas and
brake driving to the gas and occasionally using the brake when you
want to make a turn. Much like driving, the movements aren’t going
to be fast and jerky, they will be small, slow and constantly adjusting,
no jake brake needed!


I hope you enjoyed this post and if you would like to explore this further, I am leading a group this weekend on this very topic!If you'd like to purchase the book, you can contact the store at 413.499.2060 or order it from any of the popular online suppliers. Thanks!


From a room with a view,
Vicki