The next journey in the book is where you will start to use the information learned previously. This chapter on not naming, blaming or claiming is a bit like a walk through a Dr. Seuss book in that it rhymes but stick with me and see how that can help you be aware of where you are in your process.
When I find myself doing any of the aforementioned, I apply my awareness brakes and take a look at what is going on inside. Sometimes it takes a bit to get moving again but being willing to stop mid process means I don't have to slam it in reverse and re walk road already traveled. I hope you enjoy it.
Don't name it, blame it or claim it. This is one of my favorite sayings as it puts it so clearly what not to do and sometimes we have to know what not to do in order to figure out what to do. One of my favorite quotes from Esther Hicks and Abraham is “often we know what we don’t want to help us figure out what we do want.” It is simply brilliant in its simplicity and its message that if you can’t figure out what you want, you most always know what you don’t want. How do you know? Well, humans complain. It is an innate talent that is one of our least great achievements as beings on this planet. We would be hard pressed to find another creature that will complain when something happens to their habitat. One that wants to blame everyone for their misfortune or wants to talk about it endlessly in an effort to name whatever the inconvenience was. We are special aren’t we? No, really, we are but we could use that specialness to enhance our life rather than take away from it I believe. Humans are always saying how we are the more evolved species, isn’t it time we show that by paying attention to those lesser species and learning how to be with whatever is happening? (Yes, I am being facetious here, we can learn A LOT from other species when we pay attention.)
The clearest indication to me when someone is caught in the name, blame, claim game is the excuses that come out of a conversation. It seems to be a group effort, no blaming without the excuse cousin. It is nice that the excuses and nbc (name, blame, claim) get along, but not very serving of our individual selves. Excuses are the brake pedal in life. If inspiration and growth are the gas than why would you want to drive with the gas and the brake on? It would create a great circular pattern no doubt and perhaps you are familiar with this pattern but is it serving you?
So can you ask yourself, where are you living with excuses? This isn’t to point out where you may be procrastinating, this is to help you understand where you aren’t being honest with yourself, which is equivalent to the jake brake in trucks, you know that rattling sound when they have to slow down fast? Yeah, that is your excuseometer. Is it rattling, squeaking, grinding in any way? If it is, this is where you see the mechanic to fix it.
What excuse do you hear yourself use the most? Mine is not enough time. Now, I know that isn’t true as time is relative and while I am very busy, I always find the time and meet my goals so there is a big ole hole in my excuse than isn’t there? So, what is yours? I shared mine, go for it, name it. (Yes, there is a trick in this chapter as we shift from brake to gas but go with me here.)
Now that you have named it, breathe. Allow yourself to accept it so we can move forward.
Ok, ready? Good, now ask yourself,
- What am I receiving from this excuse?
- How is it benefiting me? Following my example, not enough time, or too busy, the benefit I can receive is a feeling of self pity, self promotion or even a reason to not do other things. Sometimes it’s not pretty to look at your own stuff, but it ALWAYS feels better afterwards.
- So, what are you receiving from the excuse? What is your pay off?
- Now, what is the action you can take to move past the excuse? Again using my excuse, because I believe a lot of people use this same excuse, I decided when I heard myself saying the excuse, or thinking it, I would do whatever it was I was avoiding because that was the real issue, avoidance.
So, if I had a class to write but felt I was so busy I couldn’t sit down and do it and the excuse popped up, I chose to sit, write something and move through the need to have my self pity fix met. Not pretty, I’ll grant you, but it works when you are honest with yourself and find a sense of humor about how creative we beings are.
This is the part where you do not blame it. It really doesn’t matter what the issue is or what the reason is it has been created. All that really matters is what you are willing to do to be in a better place in your life and most importantly, in your soul for the learning you do now will carry forward.
What can you do right now to move through that excuse you gave previously? Can you clean out one drawer if your excuse is you are not organized enough? Can you go for a walk for five minutes if your excuse was you are too tired to exercise? Can you sit down and write for fifteen minutes if you have a paper due and you just don’t have the inspiration to do it. Write spaghetti over and over again until you move through whatever it is you are avoiding. It doesn’t matter what you write as long as you are doing something to move forward. The same is true of the organization or the exercise. It is also true if your excuse is you just can’t afford to do anything, you can, you are just using an excuse to stay stuck. There are a lot of free activities as well as ways to increase income or decrease debt, some actually fun! Seems silly doesn’t it when we put it that way, doesn’t it? Remember that old standby, honesty is the best policy? This is especially true if we are talking about self.
So while you are being honest, give yourself the gift of no claiming. I don’t feel it is a coincidence that claiming and complaining rhyme so well. There is a distinct connection between the two. Once you start complaining you have already claimed whatever it is you are giving negative attention to. By virtue of giving your attention you have claimed it. Now, we can’t edit every thought that comes into our mind for that would make us nuts, but we can learn to focus on what fills us up rather than depletes us.
For just a moment, think of something you complain about often. Got it? Good now really feel what it feels like in your body when you complain. What do you feel? Do you feel elated, pumped up, ready to charge ahead? Do you feel crummy, depressed or lethargic? What is your body telling you? Please listen because this is the first step in listening to yourself and rewiring the messages that have been playing for many years leading you in the direction of drama and negativity.
If you feel pumped up, there is a good chance you thrive on the drama of your excuses and the excitement you feel is being fed as a type of addiction that will never serve you well for like a lot of addictions, you will go back for more and more and more.
If you feel depressed or less than enthusiastic, it is depleting your system and each time you participate in complaining, you are decreasing your enjoyment of life over and over. If there were a magic pill for this, everyone would need a prescription but there isn’t. It is magic when you realize you have a say in how you feel and decide to make some changes to feel better and develop habits that support your greatness. I know you can do it.
When you feel you are sliding into naming, blaming or claiming, don’t judge yourself, but redirect, move just a bit off the habit toward action. We all know that actions come after our thoughts so if you can take the time initially to shift those thoughts and rewire the automatic response to one of positive action, your actions are going to flow nicely. In this place you would be focusing on what is now and right in front of you rather than what is not. So you would have shifted from the gas and brake driving to the gas and occasionally using the brake when you want to make a turn. Much like driving, the movements aren’t going to be fast and jerky, they will be small, slow and constantly adjusting, no jake brake needed.
Trucking on down my road. Hope to see you along the way!
Vicki
