You may have noticed that these last two months of August and September have been a bit challenging. I have an incredible reserve of strength and I am at the point of tossing up the hands and saying screw it and I would if I didn't also have this incredible faith that all things turn out as they are meant to for our highest interest and I wasn't just a bit curious about what is coming. It is both a blessing and annoyance at the same time.

I trust that our souls have a path and while I do not believe it to be completely pre-determined, I do know that some of the tougher passages are there to help us strengthen our beliefs and encourage us to grow. That doesn't mean we don't want to say to hell with this all and tell someone to pound salt when they say think positively.

I don't bring this up to depress you but rather to say, hang in there. It is shifting. We have been facing an intense push these last three weeks and while it is winding down a bit, it will increase again in mid October. Typically, I don't do the energy alerts ahead of time because people use it as an excuse to act like poops if there is conflicting energy happening but I realize I am not in charge of what people do with it, so here goes.

If you have lived with any other humans in the last four years, you know it has been a time of getting clear on what you would like in your life and who you would like in your life. This is so freaking hard sometimes. Be nice to you and realize it isn't to be done all at once but rather in stages. We are in one of those stages right now and your soul will be asking you to stop lying to yourself and feeling bad if you have to release someone, something or some belief.

Howard's passing has made it very clear to me who I want to have in my life and I have released some that one would think were close to me. I decided I wasn't going to do false anywhere in my life and I didn't have to. He was one of the most honest people you could meet and I used to say to him, you can accept people for who they are and still have them in your life. His comeback was usually, "not if they are asses, hon, I don't have to." I used to think he was being coldhearted. Now, I get he was being authentic to himself. A great teacher for me.

Relationships are ending whether it is through a passing, divorce, break up, decision to no longer talk to someone or geographical differences. Jobs are ending that don't line up with the individual. Bodies are rebelling if we aren't taking care of them and yelling loudly that we might want to or croak ourselves. There isn't much patience in the universe right now for things that don't line up.

My suggestion? Pay attention to the areas of your life that annoy, give you grief, talk to you or are generally conflicted. Be willing to look at them and ask what you would prefer and then for goodness sake, act on it. Have a conversation, stop eating crap, move your butt rather than complain about it's size, start coloring, find a therapist, shift your beliefs or find an island where you are the only person because it will only get louder if you don't listen.

There are amazing things happening too. People are lining up with work they love, opening businesses, changing their current business, running for public office and creating fundraisers for those they care about. It is completely possible to ride these energy waves and be upright and strong while navigating the surf. It takes strength, courage and a bit of bravery to do so, but it is possible.

Listen to yourself and pay attention to where your thoughts, complaints and conversations go. If they aren't supportive, then you have to decide what you will do with that. Perhaps get involved in a project that means something to you, start working out, go to school, or whatever will light you up at this time.

As we transition into October you will be glad you did. Doing the prep works allow us to walk through these times with grace.

Being human isn't always easy but it is full of opportunities to show who we are at the core of our being. I know for sure that this is what is what the soul longs for, lining up with our greatness. Will you join me?

Taking deep breaths and occasionally swearing,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

The next journey in the book is where you will start to use the information learned previously. This chapter on not naming, blaming or claiming is a bit like a walk through a Dr. Seuss book in that it rhymes but stick with me and see how that can help you be aware of where you are in your process.

When I find myself doing any of the aforementioned, I apply my awareness brakes and take a look at what is going on inside. Sometimes it takes a bit to get moving again but being willing to stop mid process means I don't have to slam it in reverse and re walk road already traveled. I hope you enjoy it.

Don't name it, blame it or claim it. This is one of my favorite sayings as it puts it so clearly what not to do and sometimes we have to know what not to do in order to figure out what to do. One of my favorite quotes from Esther Hicks and Abraham is “often we know what we don’t want to help us figure out what we do want.” It is simply brilliant in its simplicity and its message that if you can’t figure out what you want, you most always know what you don’t want. How do you know? Well, humans complain. It is an innate talent that is one of our least great achievements as beings on this planet. We would be hard pressed to find another creature that will complain when something happens to their habitat. One that wants to blame everyone for their misfortune or wants to talk about it endlessly in an effort to name whatever the inconvenience was. We are special aren’t we? No, really, we are but we could use that specialness to enhance our life rather than take away from it I believe. Humans are always saying how we are the more evolved species, isn’t it time we show that by paying attention to those lesser species and learning how to be with whatever is happening? (Yes, I am being facetious here, we can learn A LOT from other species when we pay attention.)

The clearest indication to me when someone is caught in the name, blame, claim game is the excuses that come out of a conversation. It seems to be a group effort, no blaming without the excuse cousin.  It is nice that the excuses and nbc (name, blame, claim) get along, but not very serving of our individual selves. Excuses are the brake pedal in life. If inspiration and growth are the gas than why would you want to drive with the gas and the brake on? It would create a great circular pattern no doubt and perhaps you are familiar with this pattern but is it serving you?

So can you ask yourself, where are you  living with  excuses? This isn’t to point out where you may be procrastinating, this is to help you understand where you aren’t being honest with yourself, which is equivalent to the jake brake in trucks, you know that rattling sound when they have to slow down fast? Yeah, that is your excuseometer. Is it rattling, squeaking, grinding in any way? If it is, this is where you see the mechanic to fix it.

What excuse do you hear yourself use the most? Mine is not enough time. Now, I know that isn’t true as time is relative and while I am very busy, I always find the time and meet my goals so there is a big ole hole in my excuse than isn’t there? So, what is yours? I shared mine, go for it, name it. (Yes, there is a trick in this chapter as we shift from brake to gas but go with me here.)

Now that you have named it, breathe. Allow yourself to accept it so we can move forward.

Ok, ready? Good, now ask yourself,

• What am I receiving from this excuse?
• How is it benefiting me? Following my example, not enough time, or too busy, the benefit I can receive is a feeling of self pity, self promotion or even a reason to not do other things. Sometimes it’s not pretty to look at your own stuff, but it ALWAYS feels better afterwards.
• So, what are you receiving from the excuse? What is your pay off?
• Now, what is the action you can take to move past the excuse? Again using my excuse, because I believe a lot of people use this same excuse, I decided when I heard myself saying the excuse, or thinking it, I would do whatever it was I was avoiding because that was the real issue, avoidance.

So, if I had a class to write but felt I was so busy I couldn’t sit down and do it and the excuse popped up, I chose to sit, write something and move through the need to have my self pity fix met. Not pretty, I’ll grant you, but it works when you are honest with yourself and find a sense of humor about how creative we beings are.

This is the part where you do not blame it. It really doesn’t matter what the issue is or what the reason is it has been created. All that really matters is what you are willing to do to be in a better place in your life and most importantly, in your soul for the learning you do now will carry forward.

What can you do right now to move through that excuse you gave previously? Can you clean out one drawer if your excuse is you are not organized enough? Can you go for a walk for five minutes if your excuse was you are too tired to exercise? Can you sit down and write for fifteen minutes if you have a paper due and you just don’t have the inspiration to do it. Write spaghetti over and over again until you move through whatever it is you are avoiding. It doesn’t matter what you write as long as you are doing something to move forward. The same is true of the organization or the exercise. It is also true if your excuse is you just can’t afford to do anything, you can, you are just using an excuse to stay stuck. There are a lot of free activities as well as ways to increase income or decrease debt, some actually fun! Seems silly doesn’t it when we put it that way, doesn’t it? Remember that old standby, honesty is the best policy? This is especially true if we are talking about self.

So while you are being honest, give yourself the gift of no claiming. I don’t feel it is a coincidence that claiming and complaining rhyme so well. There is a distinct connection between the two. Once you start complaining you have already claimed whatever it is you are giving negative attention to. By virtue of giving your attention you have claimed it. Now, we can’t edit every thought that comes into our mind for that would make us nuts, but we can learn to focus on what fills us up rather than depletes us.

For just a moment, think of something  you  complain  about often. Got it? Good now really feel what it feels like in your body when you complain. What do you  feel? Do you  feel elated, pumped up,  ready to charge ahead? Do you feel crummy, depressed or lethargic?  What is your body telling you? Please listen because this is the first step in listening to yourself and rewiring the messages that have been playing for many years leading you in the direction of drama and negativity.

If you feel pumped up, there is a good chance you thrive on the drama of your excuses and the excitement you feel is being fed as a type of addiction that will never serve you well for like a lot of addictions, you will go back for more and more and more.

If you feel depressed or less than enthusiastic, it is depleting your system and each time you participate in complaining, you are decreasing your enjoyment of life over and over. If there were a magic pill for this, everyone would need a prescription but there isn’t. It is magic when you realize you have a say in how you feel and decide to make some changes to feel better and develop habits that support your greatness. I know you can do it.

When you feel you are sliding into naming, blaming or claiming, don’t judge yourself, but redirect, move just a bit off the habit toward action. We all know that actions come after our thoughts so if you can take the time initially to shift those thoughts and rewire the automatic response to one of positive action, your actions are going to flow nicely. In this place you would be focusing on what is now and right in front of you rather than what is not. So you would have shifted from the gas and brake driving to the gas and occasionally using the brake when you want to make a turn. Much like driving, the movements aren’t going to be fast and jerky, they will be small, slow and constantly adjusting, no jake brake needed.

Trucking on down my road. Hope to see you along the way!
Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

In the offering of chapters from my book, Inner Turmoil is next. It would be so easy to go to what has been happening lately but I'm not that predictable, am I? So, rather than that, let's talk about that time I couldn't keep my trap shut and ended up a suspect in a murder. It is REALLY funny now, but at the time when detectives are interviewing you and although you know you are innocent, they don't.

So as you will read, I had information that wasn't known to the public. It showed up on my movie screen and I shared it. Yup, first place where choice would have been good to use. Then my friend shared it. Second place of choice, perhaps? Then the detectives showed up...at my office...in public...while I was reading for someone. Like I said, hysterical now, not so much then.

Obviously I was cleared of any wrong doing and eventually went on to help with some cases which I enjoyed. What I didn't like was the inner turmoil I got when being involved in the cases. I love crime stories and even appreciated the evidentiary process, but I did not like the way I had to work with them. It was more as an informant and really felt like we had to meet in a dark alley while I gave them information. Perhaps some day there will be an acceptance that energy can be read and it can be of service, but until then, I think I will stick to NCIS where the cases are neatly wrapped up in an hour and I can go to sleep and not dream of the victims.

I had a choice of continuing to be in turmoil during the process, knowing I was helping, or I could choose to lead my life in alignment with me and trust the system to do it's job. I am responsible for my turmoil, no one else. I love that knowing as it brings a sense of control to my little bit of turbulent life now.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and feel a bit more calm in your sea too.

Inner Turmoil

Webster defines turmoil as a state or condition of extreme confusion, agitation, or commotion. I am sure we can all remember times when this has been the case in our lives. Where we didn’t know whether we were coming or going, what we wanted or how we could even get it. Of course, the fact that it is inner turmoil, signifying the interior landscape of our mental and emotional selves, can make that turmoil even more frightening. What is it about looking within that is so scary? Why is it that when asked to connect to how we are feeling there is an immediate need to check for exits in the room and any way out possible?

For some this may come from the experience they had growing up in their world, for others it may be an innate wiring that they freak out at the mention of emotions. For others still there may be a fear that if they show their emotions someone will have a comment or two about how they are acting. It really doesn’t matter how they got there though for if they can realize that today is when that could change, there would be many more connected people in this world. Connected to self as well as to others. People who were interested in their fullest expansion and recognizing that anything that is creating that feeling of turmoil is actually our ally, the one true friend that will tell you when you are not in alignment and when you are venturing into territory that does not best serve you.

I had such an experience myself recently where my desire to help and a system that is not ready to hear of my help as an intuitive were in conflict. When I hear a news report or a story from another source, there is often an internal indication of whether what is being offered is the truth or is it fabricated. I can also feel when there is more information to be found but perhaps the parties involved are not looking in the right direction. This was the case recently when we had an incident in town where someone lost their life. I felt immediately where that person was and that they had information pertinent to their case but because they had passed, they felt no one would listen. Enter Vicki sitting quietly on her couch minding her own business. While I was happy to help the victim, I wasn’t sure what to do with the information. I asked a friend of mine who works closely with law enforcement hoping for guidance or perhaps reassurance that they were aware of this information and were working to help the victim, little did I know (I realize that it would seem that I would be privy to all information but that is not true or I would be living quite well off the lottery!) she would take the information and hand it in to the proper authorities. Needless to say, they were not pleased that information had been gleaned in this manner as well as with my friend who delivered the information. I was fine with them not wanting the information but it did bring up a lot of inner turmoil for me, both regarding the data and how they treated my friend.

You know how you work on yourself and you feel you are in a great place and then something or someone comes along to help you reach that next level of understanding, yup, this was that opportunity for me. Was it because someone felt the information wasn’t valid or because I wasn’t? Ouch, I thought I had moved passed that, evidently not, so I looked at it and allowed myself to have some frustration with them and then got to the heart of it for myself. I did trust what I knew, I did value the information received and truth be told, those that have crossed are more honest than those that are here a lot of the time! So the inner turmoil wasn’t in what the authorities were willing to accept or not, it was within me and my belief in not only what I can do but who I am. I am grateful for the opportunity but even more grateful to my practice of checking in and making sure that what I am feeling is really what I am feeling and not some story that my drama queen wants to tell and get caught up in. I also realized that even though I felt somewhat responsible for the information being released, I could acknowledge that my friend chose to bring it to their attention and was therefore responsible for her own choices and could perhaps learn what her inner turmoil was from this process.

The most important thing I learned from this process was that if I am good with me and I trust when something comes up that I can handle it, the inner turmoil becomes quiet and is an exception rather than a reality.

• Where is your inner turmoil?
• Where are you conflicted in a decision you need to make?
• Are you allowing someone else’s perceived opinion of you to create that roller coaster of emotions within you?

Take a few moments and ask yourself where you feel that rolling of your tummy, or the fluttering of your heart around a situation in your life because we often feel it in our bodies when our intelligent self doesn’t want to listen.

When you have identified it, take one small action to unwind those emotions and move forward with toward peace. Perhaps if it is a relationship that is causing the feelings of turmoil, you could have a conversation with the person it involves.

Above all realize that you are in charge of your emotions and while others may be connected, they are not causing these feelings, you are. That is why it is called inner turmoil.

Isn't it nice to know we all have an innie? 

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

Last month I had a lot of time to contemplate commitment. As I spent fifteen days at the hospital with my husband (never leave someone in the hospital who can't speak for themselves!) and then another week at home, I have had time to consider how this level of commitment is different for me at this time in my life.

In the past few years we have spent many days at the hospital and this stint was the longest of what I had done before with him, but with more responsibility. You see, there was more of a legal ramification in this one, at least for those taking care of him. I had to use the health care proxy card way too many times last month and it got me thinking about the papers we sign and what they really mean. For health care proxy's it means you are willing to serve the person in their best interest regardless of your wishes. Go ahead and try to fathom that. Oh, it's easy when you are signing the paper but when you have to make the decision of possible survival or certain physical passing, it will give you pause no matter how many times you have discussed with the person what they would like.  It is a privilege and one I am so willing to do but phew, it can be exhausting.

Taking a learning from last time too, I took care of myself this trip around. I decided a run would help with the pressure of decisions and while on it decided that it wasn't about the proxy, it was about another piece of paper I signed, our marriage certificate, twenty five years ago. It really goes back to that decision and the belief we have had in what it means to give your word to someone.

Sometimes I miss the old days when your word was what got you credit or a job and reputation wasn't about someone dissing you but rather about integrity and another's belief that if you gave your word, you would follow through to the best of your ability.

I had to say probably fifty times last month that I will honor what Howard and I have discussed for the last twenty five years and won't repeat myself again so they needed to take their hard earned degrees and listen hard. This is called choice and this is called living in integrity. Physical life is not the only way to live. It made an impression on the doctors. Not because of the words, but rather because I stood behind what I heard from me and then was willing to say it.

When you commit your word, do you follow through? Are you able to connect the words you use with the actions created? What, if any, changes need to happen in order for you to line up how you feel, what you say and how you act to manifest that person of integrity you hope to be?

One of the things I have learned through this process is I have to listen to me and that conversation has to be clear in order to meet what I've committed to. If I don't listen to me, who the heck is going to? If you don't listen to you, who is going to?

What if you committed to being willing to listen to that sometimes quiet voice inside and you committed to doing that today? Then, what if you stood behind your words? Go for it. You'll be glad you did.

Giving my word I commit too,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

I don't believe in coincidences. I believe even when we don't want it to be like it is, life is lined up and meant to be paid attention to. So, imagine my feeling when I decide, ok, enough time between blogs Vicki, get another one up there, and the chapter that is next is Instant Tragedy.

As many of you are aware, my husband of twenty five years passed two weeks ago. While this is by far, the most difficult thing I have ever been through, it is not a tragedy.  Some people want it to be and I understand some of the reasons why. It is challenging for us to seperate something happening to another person as it happening to us. With a passing, it can open all kinds of hurts within a person and the desire to go for that tragedy thing is tempting. I get it; I just can't allow it in my life.

I've been very open about how Howard, our kids and I, expected his passing to be seen, as a celebration of choice. His choice. No one else, even myself, got a vote. Although there were MANY discussions long before the disease process happened, it was very clear it was his choice on how to handle his body. There is no tragedy in that at all. There is beauty, growth, fear at times perhaps, but no tragedy.

So, as I roll through this second week, which has been a doozie, let me tell you, I have been checking my own ability to go to the story (I am human after all!) and bringing my focus back to that choice.

We always have choice.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and join me in saying no to this IT.

Instant Tragedy

Have you ever met someone who the minute life is not going as they would like it to, goes into immediate reactive mode? Someone  who, unless they really are on stage, acts like they are trying to win that elusive Oscar? Are you that someone? We all have occasions when there is a knee jerk reaction and we speak or act before thinking or more importantly feeling, but when it becomes one audition after another it can create a whole domino effect in one’s life. Very often we don’t want to admit that we have that capability but it is inherent in us and if activated can become quite entertaining, hence why the movie business is so booming.

I have a client, we’ll call her Maude, who when she came to me had some really difficult events  in her  past that she  was dealing  with. I felt her fear, her pain and her feeling of being out of control. I acknowledged this and suggested we find some way of shifting the energy around her experiences, allowing them to be there but no longer in control of how she felt on a daily basis. She was not pleased with my suggestion. She flat out told me that the way she had been dealing with her life is just fine and she would continue to do so regardless of what I saw or felt would be in her best interest. Well, there is nothing I can do when someone comes asking for help in feeling better but wants to sit in their own drama. I proceeded to suggest perhaps her therapist would be a good connection for her to help create a space that felt safe enough for her to come out of her flight response. Needless to say, this didn’t go over well either. I have complete faith in the information I receive to be not only in the person’s best interest but also what they are ready to hear whether they want to acknowledge it at that moment or not.

I had seen the fear in Maude’s energy and her face when I suggested not giving any more power to her memories. It was then I realized that it was a fear of letting go of the drama that was really holding her back and not the memories. She was caught in the adrenaline rush and wasn’t sure how she could move through it as much like a drug addict, she was more afraid of not having what was fueling her than what could help her to feel better. So, considering she had hired me to help her feel better about her life, I went back in with a suggestion of moving VERY slowly to the place where she may feel safe and willing to see her life differently. We weren’t going to move anything just yet, but we were going to see how it could be different and hopefully feel, how it could be different and then on the tail of that, perhaps make some movement.

I have great compassion for those that are afraid of growth or movement because I can feel their very real fear response and while in my earlier days I would have been the proverbial bull in a china shop in removing it, I know now that slow and steady can win this race!

One of the mechanisms we have utilized is to literally see her life as a movie. When one learns to do this, it removes the reactive self and allows room for response.

• Where in your life are you acting out your Oscar worthy performance?
• Where is there a tendency to jump to conclusions and strike without asking for more information?
• With whom are you this reactive?
• Who is that person that can “push your buttons.”?

In any of these instances, can you step back and watch it like a movie. Sure, we may identify with the characters on the screen but we know when we walk out that the drama is over. The writer, director and actors have created entertainment for us. This is wonderful and we love it as is evident by the number of shows and movies available and videos on YouTube, but does it really feel good? Does living with the drama fill you up in a way that is loving and peaceful? In all likelihood, probably not, so how about trying the healthy detachment of a movie goer in your own life?

Can you step back and observe with any circumstance in your life and learn to release the attachment to the thrill of the ride on the drama roller coaster? If you are going to enjoy a ride, why not have it be something that is fulfilling and that brings you joy rather than a feeling of depression after?

An additional benefit to learning this skill, and it is a process, is that by learning to step back you will not only have less negative aspects in your life, you will have a ton more positive ones heading in your direction. When you release the need to be in that tense, have to have my drama fix mode, you will be opening your arms to those that want the same thing in their lives.

Drama and Llamas and Mamas….what?

If you have had the pleasure of having teenagers in your life, you know well how drama can be addicting and can roll out of control. One of the sayings I used to say to my kids was “save the drama for the llamas cause mama is NOT interested.” Have you ever noticed that when people, and not just teens, are reading a text or email that someone else has sent them they do it with an inflection in their voice? Now, how do we know what the other person was sounding when they sent the message? And do they really talk like that?

I believe this jumping to conclusions and inferring what others are intending creates a lot of drama and it can lead to that instant tragedy, often with wailing and carrying on associated. When someone wants to relay a story to me of what someone else wrote I often let them do the voice thing and the gesturing and all the theatrics and then I ask them to go back and read it over again with their normal voice as if reading a menu in a restaurant. It is AMAZING how the message within the message changes. Something like “I’m busy right now” goes from being “I’m busy (and you don’t matter and whatever you want to talk about doesn’t matter) right now” to “I’m busy right now.” (No  inflection.)

The reason I bring these items up is, I will be honest, I find high drama entertaining. Not just in the theatrical world but in our everyday world. I have compassion for the person going through the drama and often the one creating it, but the actual event of it is quite funny to me. Perhaps it is because I come from such a “don’t talk about it” family that when people are flapping their arms and gesturing, it is funny! Perhaps it is because when it comes right down to it; the more people get upset, the more trivial the event usually is because once again they are seeking that thrill ride. It isn’t about the subject, it isn’t about the person, it is about the fill up.

• Where can you fill yourself up rather than pulling into the drama station?
• What else in your life do you love to do that could take the place of the time you spend all worked up training for that Oscar? (admit it, that visual is FUNNY)

These questions may seem simple, but I promise you, they will garner results if you are willing to participate. Maude and I have worked together for five years and counting as she hasn’t fired me yet! I am happy for her as she is learning to feel her way to stability and really quite honored to be a part of the process. It takes incredible strength to be consciously growing and stretching and challenging the drama student inside that just wants to be seen and have their moment on the stage.

If you are willing to be kind to the student within, patient with him/her when that addiction to attention shows up, you too will have that feeling of accomplishment and peace within you.

Oh, and Maude, yes, well it turns out when she turned her attention to other ways of filling up her tank, she realized she is an amazing botanist.

Choosing to fill myself with the incredible amount of love this life event has shown me,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

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