A love story; in hindsight.

One of the fascinating human processes that happens when something ends in our lives is we do a retrospective. A review of the movie so to speak. It doesn't seem to matter if this is a job that ended, a move out of a neighborhood or a relationship end through break up or a passing. I know it is a way to practice the life review we will go through after we pass. The benefit of the review when we cross is there is not ego, or self critic, involved as it remains with the physical body. Isn't that refreshing? Something to strive for here, wouldn't you say?

I happen to be someone that likes to look under layers and see what is there and why it may be impacting me today. I see it as an adventure even when I am covering my eyes and looking through the fingers at whatever it is I want to explore. Sometimes it takes bravery to look within and I want to help everyone discover that bravery and looky look look look at all that makes them amazing. It is in those layers. Sure, some of it we want to fling out the window and we can, but some of it is so stinking wonderful and most of us just don't see it within ourselves, until another points it out.

In retrospect, I have become incredibly grateful to the relationship I had with my husband. I had, and expressed gratitude to him when he was here, but after his passing, and without putting him on any pedestal, I realized we really did have a great marriage. We had some really hard experiences in our time together, I believe it's called life, yet what I have come to appreciate is that we both really respected each other and worked diligently to keep that respect alive by being the best we could be individually. I know I had some moments where I wasn't being my best and so did he, but we handled it with this other thing we cultivated in our marriage; friendship.

It takes time to develop a true friendship. I know you can click on my name and request I be your friend but that isn't true friendship. We've become a drive- thru society where people expect to have a certain steps met in a dictated time frame and know for sure what they want in life and in relationships. What I have come to realize over the last eighteen months especially, is that I wouldn't trade all of those trying times in our marriage if it meant I was to rush through and not be with my friend all of those years because we didn't take the time to get to know each other and commit to not only being lovers, partners in business, and parents, but truly good buddies too.

I will admit it is a double whammy when I want to tell my friend who was also my husband something that happens and he isn't here physically to hear it, but the awareness that we did a damn good job even with the pressures of life; that is a comfort.

One of the other things I have realized is that in being such good friends in life, I knew how to begin being a friend to myself after Howard passed. I wasn't always the best friend to me when he was here because he filled that role so well. He got my sense of humor. He would tell me when someone was taking advantage of my kindness and I didn't see it.  He knew my fears and while he really stunk, until about six months before he passed, at being able to just give me a hug when I cried, he gave the best hugs ever! He also fiercely believed I could do anything. ANYTHING! He told the nurses I was going to get him home from the hospital, even though they said he probably wouldn't survive the ride, because I loved him. Of course I did, loved him and got him home. He was my best friend. A friend, whom to this day, I take care of myself because I made him that promise and friends don't break promises like that.

It is without a doubt that because we were two individual people, with different interests but a common desire to do the best we could with what we had at the time, that he completed his journey and I am learning how to be that friend for myself. I know his ability to love me so deeply has helped me to love myself now.

The reason I share all of this is it occurred to me that some may not know that this level of caring is available to them. I have also really come to realize that not all have experienced the connection I know to be possible, albeit necessary to do the work, in this lifetime.  I know I wouldn't have known it without a partner who was determined to show me I was worthy of love and I was willing to show him the same. We all are worthy and deserving of that. Everyone. All of us. Especially you.

I know the statement you can never love another until you love yourself is said a lot and I don't actually believe that. I could not have learned to love myself without Howard being the mirror to reflect that love. While I stand firm in the knowing we can cultivate that love within ourselves, and attract it into our lives, I do believe an example is sometimes needed. There are no perfect relationships but if our twenty seven years can stand as that example for someone, I am honored for both of us.

I am here to tell you on this February love holiday, Howard's birthday of course, what did you think I was going to say? So, anyway, on this holiday I am here to tell you to be persistent, be committed to excellence in relationships, first with yourself and then others, be truthful to yourself and don't settle for good enough.

If you are brave enough to come into this Earth experience, you are brave enough to look within and know what you want from all of the relationships in your life. You are brave enough to be retrospective of what you have settled for in the past and perhaps be grateful yourself for what you see there as well. I know we aren't the only ones who were able to love another so much we ended up loving ourselves in the process. Look around. There are examples. Be willing to do the work required too. Loving oneself isn't for sissies. It is hard work sometimes, but the peace that comes from the soul when you do is absolutely tangible.

I wish for you the love that lights you up inside. A love for life, for self, for others, for sunshine, for puppies, for art, for the Earth and for whatever makes your world amazing. I wish for you a love that has not only hindsight, but foresight to help create it to be more than you could possibly imagine. I wish for you the knowledge that you deserve to experience it in your life and sure, you may have to trust a little and you may have to be brave, but you can do that. I know you can. I've seen the love in you and reflect it back.

Many blessings,
Vicki

www.vickibaird.com