That time I was a suspect...

In the offering of chapters from my book, Inner Turmoil is next. It would be so easy to go to what has been happening lately but I'm not that predictable, am I? So, rather than that, let's talk about that time I couldn't keep my trap shut and ended up a suspect in a murder. It is REALLY funny now, but at the time when detectives are interviewing you and although you know you are innocent, they don't.

So as you will read, I had information that wasn't known to the public. It showed up on my movie screen and I shared it. Yup, first place where choice would have been good to use. Then my friend shared it. Second place of choice, perhaps? Then the detectives showed up...at my office...in public...while I was reading for someone. Like I said, hysterical now, not so much then.

Obviously I was cleared of any wrong doing and eventually went on to help with some cases which I enjoyed. What I didn't like was the inner turmoil I got when being involved in the cases. I love crime stories and even appreciated the evidentiary process, but I did not like the way I had to work with them. It was more as an informant and really felt like we had to meet in a dark alley while I gave them information. Perhaps some day there will be an acceptance that energy can be read and it can be of service, but until then, I think I will stick to NCIS where the cases are neatly wrapped up in an hour and I can go to sleep and not dream of the victims.

I had a choice of continuing to be in turmoil during the process, knowing I was helping, or I could choose to lead my life in alignment with me and trust the system to do it's job. I am responsible for my turmoil, no one else. I love that knowing as it brings a sense of control to my little bit of turbulent life now.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and feel a bit more calm in your sea too.

Inner Turmoil

Webster defines turmoil as a state or condition of extreme confusion, agitation, or commotion. I am sure we can all remember times when this has been the case in our lives. Where we didn’t know whether we were coming or going, what we wanted or how we could even get it. Of course, the fact that it is inner turmoil, signifying the interior landscape of our mental and emotional selves, can make that turmoil even more frightening. What is it about looking within that is so scary? Why is it that when asked to connect to how we are feeling there is an immediate need to check for exits in the room and any way out possible?

For some this may come from the experience they had growing up in their world, for others it may be an innate wiring that they freak out at the mention of emotions. For others still there may be a fear that if they show their emotions someone will have a comment or two about how they are acting. It really doesn’t matter how they got there though for if they can realize that today is when that could change, there would be many more connected people in this world. Connected to self as well as to others. People who were interested in their fullest expansion and recognizing that anything that is creating that feeling of turmoil is actually our ally, the one true friend that will tell you when you are not in alignment and when you are venturing into territory that does not best serve you.

I had such an experience myself recently where my desire to help and a system that is not ready to hear of my help as an intuitive were in conflict. When I hear a news report or a story from another source, there is often an internal indication of whether what is being offered is the truth or is it fabricated. I can also feel when there is more information to be found but perhaps the parties involved are not looking in the right direction. This was the case recently when we had an incident in town where someone lost their life. I felt immediately where that person was and that they had information pertinent to their case but because they had passed, they felt no one would listen. Enter Vicki sitting quietly on her couch minding her own business. While I was happy to help the victim, I wasn’t sure what to do with the information. I asked a friend of mine who works closely with law enforcement hoping for guidance or perhaps reassurance that they were aware of this information and were working to help the victim, little did I know (I realize that it would seem that I would be privy to all information but that is not true or I would be living quite well off the lottery!) she would take the information and hand it in to the proper authorities. Needless to say, they were not pleased that information had been gleaned in this manner as well as with my friend who delivered the information. I was fine with them not wanting the information but it did bring up a lot of inner turmoil for me, both regarding the data and how they treated my friend.

You know how you work on yourself and you feel you are in a great place and then something or someone comes along to help you reach that next level of understanding, yup, this was that opportunity for me. Was it because someone felt the information wasn’t valid or because I wasn’t? Ouch, I thought I had moved passed that, evidently not, so I looked at it and allowed myself to have some frustration with them and then got to the heart of it for myself. I did trust what I knew, I did value the information received and truth be told, those that have crossed are more honest than those that are here a lot of the time! So the inner turmoil wasn’t in what the authorities were willing to accept or not, it was within me and my belief in not only what I can do but who I am. I am grateful for the opportunity but even more grateful to my practice of checking in and making sure that what I am feeling is really what I am feeling and not some story that my drama queen wants to tell and get caught up in. I also realized that even though I felt somewhat responsible for the information being released, I could acknowledge that my friend chose to bring it to their attention and was therefore responsible for her own choices and could perhaps learn what her inner turmoil was from this process.

The most important thing I learned from this process was that if I am good with me and I trust when something comes up that I can handle it, the inner turmoil becomes quiet and is an exception rather than a reality.

• Where is your inner turmoil?
• Where are you conflicted in a decision you need to make?
• Are you allowing someone else’s perceived opinion of you to create that roller coaster of emotions within you?

Take a few moments and ask yourself where you feel that rolling of your tummy, or the fluttering of your heart around a situation in your life because we often feel it in our bodies when our intelligent self doesn’t want to listen.

When you have identified it, take one small action to unwind those emotions and move forward with toward peace. Perhaps if it is a relationship that is causing the feelings of turmoil, you could have a conversation with the person it involves.

Above all realize that you are in charge of your emotions and while others may be connected, they are not causing these feelings, you are. That is why it is called inner turmoil.

Isn't it nice to know we all have an innie? 

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com