We don't forgive others to free them, we do it to free ourselves. This week I found myself saying to Howard, "I forgive you for leaving me." It came out of the blue as I was cleaning the kitchen. Just popped right out of my mouth. It must have been ready for awhile in order to come out without thought. I immediately felt a lightness and realized the resentment I had been holding. I know he didn't go anywhere as a soul is concerned, but I promise you, he isn't cleaning the kitchen, walking the silly dog, balancing the budget, oh wait, he never did that, but he did participate in other areas and he was a physical presence that isn't there now.
Anyway, recognizing that my heart was ready to help my brain vocalize made for a pretty peaceful day.
There are many ways we are hurt by being in relationships with others, including our pets and the world. It's easy to point a finger and say it's all about the other person but we play here too on this planet, so we have to start taking responsibility for our emotions. We have to start honoring the relationship we have with ourselves.
One way we can feel hurt by others actions is when they leave us. Perhaps they move out, croak, stop communicating or are ill and need to be in a facility. Another way is emotional. Someone who is not available to their own emotions can't connect with others and that creates distance.
There can be a spiritual difference between people where it feels like someone has left. We experienced this in our marriage quite a few times. There were times where I just couldn't tolerate where Howard was in his energy and then how he connected his emotions to that. This wasn't on Howard. This was for me to figure out and communicate; or leave.
We can't insist someone grow at the level that we would like them to. Some people will try insisting, but the effectiveness isn't there. Each of us has to grow and want to grow at our own pace and it's none of our business if the other isn't interested in what we think. That is their right as well.
We have been taught that if we feel hurt by someone they are automatically the bad guy or girl. Blame doesn't help in any situation. Forgiveness does. The forgiveness is often around how we think of ourselves as a result of someone's actions. Am I not lovable? Don't I deserve happiness? What's wrong with me that they left? I hear this on a weekly basis from clients and while my empathetic heart strings get pulled, I know it is their brain giving them these messages rather than their heart or soul.
This is one of the reasons I love using the Belief Re-patterning in my business. This is exactly the type of thinking and belief systems that can be re-wired and adjusted to create a supportive message in the brain.
This year you will hear a lot about the Belief Re-patterning because EVERYONE deserves to feel good about themselves and I intend to blast that message. Belief Re-patterning is a technique that combines statements and breathing to help create new neural pathways in the brain therefore helping us to live happy and supportive lives. Forgiveness is one of the steps in the process. I know it is the reason that I'm able to walk through the experiences of the last six months with my sanity intact and in appreciation for the process. It is also exactly why I was able to say to Howard that I forgive him for leaving me because it wasn't his leaving that was hurting, it was my belief that he chose to go without me. I followed it up with a statement of choice in how I could see him as leaving me or how I could see him as completing his journey. I choose to see him completing his journey. This helps my brain and heart move forward. It what I truly believe, but my subconscious was a bit stuck. It is not now. :)
So, if there's a place within your brain and heart where forgiveness lives and it could use some help in applying itself, without torture, give me a call.
I am free to believe I am right where I am meant to be. I plan to rock this year. I hope you will join me,
Vicki
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