These last two weeks have been a doozie, haven't they? I don't know about you, but I have felt like every lesson I have learned in my forty-six years is right there up in my face. They seem like that person at a cocktail party that doesn't know personal space and won't back up no matter how clear you are you don't like it.

I like seeing my stuff. Oh, I don't always like the subject but I appreciate being able to realize I've got stuff and it could use some work. By stuff I mean emotions, experiences and awarenesses that I either didn't want to look at in the past or that I crammed down in denial; probably with gluten free pretzels and hot tamales. Carbs are my go to stuffer, can you tell? Being willing to see my stuff, understand it and learn from it means less carbs in my future. I sincerely hope this.

I had an experience this week that helped me see how much stuffing I have done my whole life. Now, I was well aware I am a stuffer, I come from a long line of stuffers. What I wasn't aware of was how tiring that is and how it keeps us in the soup. I was lamenting about a pattern I saw in my life and how I was, quite frankly, done with it. In working with Belief Re-patterning these last few years, I feel I have become really adept at spotting a pattern and then wanting to release it. A bit like solving a puzzle. There is excitement about the process and satisfaction when it is complete. I have done this a lot over the years and know it to be a great experience, after I accept that I had been contributing to the pattern. Of course I have contributed; it's MY pattern!

So, the one that was most evident was not allowing myself to feel hurt. The level of pain I can feel intuitively is so great that I had learned to smoosh (technical term) anything that felt even close to that so I didn't have to go through it. Well, that sneaky husband, who was and continues to be a great teacher for me, goes and croaks and there is no way to hold back the hurt now. It's there like a horrible pimple on prom night. Front and center demanding attention.

The amazing part of all of this learning these last few weeks is although I miss him like crazy, the hurt wasn't specifically about Howard. It was about all the other times I felt hurt and I swept it under the carpet. I bucked up and powered on. Yeah....that's not possible anymore. The combination of incredible curiosity in how I'm wired, the desire to feel good in the time I have on this planet and the push I feel to help others discover the joy in understanding themselves has converged into a "look, here is a pattern and we can shift it and appreciate who we are in the process" way of living. I'm grateful for it. It totally stinks in the moment, but the more practice I have at looking at my stuff and being willing to accept that my stuff is not the identification of me, the lighter I feel and the more I can allow in the other feelings of joy, love, humor, empathy, acceptance and the list goes on.

So, are you a stuffer? Is that stuff you've been carting around so heavy that you can't even imagine life without it? Do you plaster a smile on your face and pretend something doesn't hurt? Cover it with sarcasm or worse, lashing out at others because your own crap is too much to deal with? Do you reach for pretzels too? Congratulations, you are human and may have learned from others around you to stuff. You are also capable of deciding if that is the way you want to live any longer. You can make a choice to look at your stuffing, see it as a teacher and address what is coming up. This works as such a great release mechanism that immediately, the body feels relief and the emotions calm.

Now, there may be times where I have to park my emotions and carry on with my day or the event I am attending but as a commitment to myself, I have promised me that when there is space, I will revisit the feelings with compassion and help myself to learn that expressing what we are feeling is a gift we can give to us on a daily basis.

Let's leave the stuffing for the holidays and pillows shall we?  Ironically, I can't stand the taste of stuffing. Hmmmm, think my subconscious was trying to help me all these years?  I do love pillows.

Take some time this week and look at what might be under the layers that you have stuffed there, in the back of your emotional closet and decide to take it out. You don't have to wear it out in the open so everyone can see. You can talk with your therapist, coach, smart friend or your guides and angels, but do talk. Let it out so the stuffing pattern gets released and honesty can be present. You will be most grateful to yourself that you did. I know you can do it. You are brave like that.

Using stuffing for pillows only,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

We don't forgive others to free them, we do it to free ourselves. This week I found myself saying to Howard, "I forgive you for leaving me." It came out of the blue as I was cleaning the kitchen. Just popped right out of my mouth. It must have been ready for awhile in order to come out without thought. I immediately felt a lightness and realized the resentment I had been holding. I know he didn't go anywhere as a soul is concerned, but I promise you, he isn't cleaning the kitchen, walking the silly dog, balancing the budget, oh wait, he never did that, but he did participate in other areas and he was a physical presence that isn't there now.

Anyway, recognizing that my heart was ready to help my brain vocalize made for a pretty peaceful day. 

There are many ways we are hurt by being in relationships with others, including our pets and the world. It's easy to point a finger and say it's all about the other person but we play here too on this planet, so we have to start taking responsibility for our emotions. We have to start honoring the relationship we have with ourselves. 

One way we can feel hurt by others actions is when they leave us.  Perhaps they move out, croak, stop communicating or are ill and need to be in a facility.  Another way is emotional. Someone who is not available to their own emotions can't connect with others and that creates distance.

There can be a spiritual difference between people where it feels like someone has left. We experienced this in our marriage quite a few times. There were times where I just couldn't tolerate where Howard was in his energy and then how he connected his emotions to that. This wasn't on Howard. This was for me to figure out and communicate; or leave. 

We can't insist someone grow at the level that we would like them to.  Some people will try insisting, but the effectiveness isn't there. Each of us has to grow and want to grow at our own pace and it's none of our business if the other isn't interested in what we think. That is their right as well. 

We have been taught that if we feel hurt by someone they are automatically the bad guy or girl. Blame doesn't help in any situation. Forgiveness does. The forgiveness is often around how we think of ourselves as a result of someone's actions. Am I not lovable? Don't I deserve happiness? What's wrong with me that they left? I hear this on a weekly basis from clients and while my empathetic heart strings get pulled, I know it is their brain giving them these messages rather than their heart or soul. 

This is one of the reasons I love using the Belief Re-patterning in my business. This is exactly the type of thinking and belief systems that can be re-wired and adjusted to create a supportive message in the brain. 

This year you will hear a lot about the Belief Re-patterning because EVERYONE deserves to feel good about themselves and I intend to blast that message. Belief Re-patterning is a technique that combines statements and breathing to help create new neural pathways in the brain therefore helping us to live happy and supportive lives. Forgiveness is one of the steps in the process. I know it is the reason that I'm able to walk through the experiences of the last six months with my sanity intact and in appreciation for the process. It is also exactly why I was able to say to Howard that I forgive him for leaving me because it wasn't his leaving that was hurting, it was my belief that he chose to go without me.  I followed it up with a statement of choice in how I could see him as leaving me or how I could see him as completing his journey. I choose to see him completing his journey. This helps my brain and heart move forward. It what I truly believe, but my subconscious was a bit stuck.  It is not now. :)

So, if there's a place within your brain and heart where forgiveness lives and it could use some help in applying itself, without torture, give me a call.

I am free to believe I am right where I am meant to be. I plan to rock this year. I hope you will join me,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

The heart is an amazing thing isn't it? It is responsible for pumping our blood, electrical and functional at the same time, what we consider emotional balance and being the symbol of Valentines day. It has so many jobs and euphemisms in our vocabulary, it's no wonder it gets tired sometimes and has to quit working or short circuit so we will listen to it.

Shortly after the dude croaked I had heart palpitations. I let the Dr know during my visit and after a few fun EKG's, it was determined it might just be stress. Ya think? I made an appointment with my acupuncturist for a reboot and he correctly ascertained I was out of balance in my electrolytes. It seems all the working out, heat and stress I was under took me out of the game a little. I'm happy to say the flutters are less often now and I know what they are connected to and I adjust.

The amazing thing that happened though during the process was I had to look at what was causing some of the pain. I don't believe in saying we have a broken heart because the heart isn't what's hurting, it is the emotional center that resides near the physical heart. I didn't want to create a physical issue because of what was so obviously an emotional one. I also didn't want to alarm anyone so I decided to do the work quietly, which is what I needed anyway. Quiet.

I was really hurting emotionally one day and while walking the dog, where all great epiphanies happen, I thought, what if the pain I am feeling isn't because I "lost" someone I love so much, but what if it was because my heart is so full of his love that the physical body is trying to adjust?  What if when he passed and because he is pure positive love, he was sending infusions of love at levels I wasn't used to? I am very fortunate that as much as I could let Howard push my buttons with his humanness, I always knew I was the love of his life.  A lot of pressure sometimes, but I had that knowing and I am very grateful to have felt that kind of love. Who knew there was more? Holy macaroni! We are impressive as souls aren't we?

This week I have been at a conference for Belief Re-patterning and had the opportunity to attend a Flip Your Switch event in person. Again, I say holy macaroni, because there was so much love, authentic love there I felt that same pain in my chest. Luckily, I know it now and didn't get concerned, until I was trying to run here. The lack of oxygen at this level is impressive for this New Englander. Anyway, love is something I am learning to let show and in. I fully admit I allowed Howard to be the focus and the reflection of my love and without him here, I have to be that and it is a bit foreign. I am really good at showing people I love them through action, but in expression, I have room for improvement.

I am going to work on bringing the event to the Berkshires because we could use the example and man, it was a lot of fun too!

What if you looked at your life and where you thought you had an emptiness, you felt into it and asked is it because you aren't letting in light, love, humor, joy, playfulness, reverence, people, spiritual growth? The list is going to be as diverse as people are so check in there and see what the inventory really is.

What if you weren't afraid to show that you really do care about people, authentically and without reserve? What if that caring started with yourself? Imagine the joy we could create in this world. Brother Sun is a band I love and they have a great song called In The Name of Love. It is about being brave enough to be the person to hold the belief in love being a great force. I hope to be that person one day who exemplifies what honest loving is. Allowing people to be who they are. Wishing them well when they have to leave our lives for whatever reason and using that space to fill up with more love.

Authentic love is one that knows value in all, starting with self, in order to align with what resonates with self. It means, to me anyway, that we don't need to put up with any behavior that is less than. The band also has a song called Jericho Road that states hate is too great a weight to bare. I agree as that is often what causes the heart conditions we see in our world. Holding that pain, hate, anger, less than feeling in blocks the love which clogs the heart. I don't know about you, but I am done being a part of the world that lives in that fear.

One of the things Howard used to say to me is I gave people too many chances to show me who they really are. I agree with him, I've often been hurt because of that but you know what, I'm ok with that because it means at some point someone believed the most in them and I believe that energy travels along with them but if I hold resentment, anger, hurt or hesitancy, that hangs with me. No thank you. I want my heart center beating and emanating to match the love the non physical show us is possible. If I explode in the process, I will blast off and shower the love everywhere!

This is a process (said with the long o after being in Canada for a week!) and I know that. One I am excited to get going on. Would you like to join me in creating a world that shows love as a strength? I certainly hope so.

Loving lifts us up. Let's fly!

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

I read somewhere this week that admitting something is hard actually helps one to move forward. There is a reaction in the brain that apparently acknowledges it and then goes into acceptance mode. Brainwaves 101.

I'll admit I have a challenging time with that process but I believe it. Call it being raised by tough New Englanders or call it my own personal wiring, whatever it is, I am calling uncle this week.  I'm admitting that at times I am so overwhelmed with the energy and my wiring that I want to move to a deserted island and have a volleyball as my best friend. The only thing that keeps me from doing this is the amazing people I have met while being here. Well, that and I don't hunt or cook so the volleyball would outlive me and then be lonely, but I digress. 

So, in the interest of being healthy emotionally and well rounded individuals, I am suggesting we all give ourselves permission to admit when something hurts. A loved one passing, a relationship ending, a failed test, diagnosis or bumping your toe. They hurt. Admit it so the brain can do what it is wired to do and help you move forward. 

Since your brain is willing to do its job, perhaps you can help it. When allowing yourself to feel the pain, be mindful of the time. Be aware when you are choosing to sit in the sadness and are creating an identity as a sad person. Emotions pass through. That is their gift. We are not our emotions. We have them, we are not them. If you can keep this is mind, you can move through whatever is going on and be on to feeling more content.

I practice what I suggest, and assist with Belief Re-patterning, so I know it is possible. I have spent a large portion of the last seven days being aware I have pain yet I am not the pain. I have my humor still. I have an amazing gratitude for life and I have the data to show I have hurt before and came through with amazing growth. I may not be thrilled with the process, but life has shown me that beautiful flowers grow out of fertilizer. Cultivating that trust in the process is the way to handle tough situations with grace. 

Be kind to yourself, be honest and be willing to find your amazement too. I know your brain is wonderful and wants to help you embrace this life process along with your heart and total being. 

Shimmying my way through,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com