One of the fascinating human processes that happens when something ends in our lives is we do a retrospective. A review of the movie so to speak. It doesn't seem to matter if this is a job that ended, a move out of a neighborhood or a relationship end through break up or a passing. I know it is a way to practice the life review we will go through after we pass. The benefit of the review when we cross is there is not ego, or self critic, involved as it remains with the physical body. Isn't that refreshing? Something to strive for here, wouldn't you say?

I happen to be someone that likes to look under layers and see what is there and why it may be impacting me today. I see it as an adventure even when I am covering my eyes and looking through the fingers at whatever it is I want to explore. Sometimes it takes bravery to look within and I want to help everyone discover that bravery and looky look look look at all that makes them amazing. It is in those layers. Sure, some of it we want to fling out the window and we can, but some of it is so stinking wonderful and most of us just don't see it within ourselves, until another points it out.

In retrospect, I have become incredibly grateful to the relationship I had with my husband. I had, and expressed gratitude to him when he was here, but after his passing, and without putting him on any pedestal, I realized we really did have a great marriage. We had some really hard experiences in our time together, I believe it's called life, yet what I have come to appreciate is that we both really respected each other and worked diligently to keep that respect alive by being the best we could be individually. I know I had some moments where I wasn't being my best and so did he, but we handled it with this other thing we cultivated in our marriage; friendship.

It takes time to develop a true friendship. I know you can click on my name and request I be your friend but that isn't true friendship. We've become a drive- thru society where people expect to have a certain steps met in a dictated time frame and know for sure what they want in life and in relationships. What I have come to realize over the last eighteen months especially, is that I wouldn't trade all of those trying times in our marriage if it meant I was to rush through and not be with my friend all of those years because we didn't take the time to get to know each other and commit to not only being lovers, partners in business, and parents, but truly good buddies too.

I will admit it is a double whammy when I want to tell my friend who was also my husband something that happens and he isn't here physically to hear it, but the awareness that we did a damn good job even with the pressures of life; that is a comfort.

One of the other things I have realized is that in being such good friends in life, I knew how to begin being a friend to myself after Howard passed. I wasn't always the best friend to me when he was here because he filled that role so well. He got my sense of humor. He would tell me when someone was taking advantage of my kindness and I didn't see it.  He knew my fears and while he really stunk, until about six months before he passed, at being able to just give me a hug when I cried, he gave the best hugs ever! He also fiercely believed I could do anything. ANYTHING! He told the nurses I was going to get him home from the hospital, even though they said he probably wouldn't survive the ride, because I loved him. Of course I did, loved him and got him home. He was my best friend. A friend, whom to this day, I take care of myself because I made him that promise and friends don't break promises like that.

It is without a doubt that because we were two individual people, with different interests but a common desire to do the best we could with what we had at the time, that he completed his journey and I am learning how to be that friend for myself. I know his ability to love me so deeply has helped me to love myself now.

The reason I share all of this is it occurred to me that some may not know that this level of caring is available to them. I have also really come to realize that not all have experienced the connection I know to be possible, albeit necessary to do the work, in this lifetime.  I know I wouldn't have known it without a partner who was determined to show me I was worthy of love and I was willing to show him the same. We all are worthy and deserving of that. Everyone. All of us. Especially you.

I know the statement you can never love another until you love yourself is said a lot and I don't actually believe that. I could not have learned to love myself without Howard being the mirror to reflect that love. While I stand firm in the knowing we can cultivate that love within ourselves, and attract it into our lives, I do believe an example is sometimes needed. There are no perfect relationships but if our twenty seven years can stand as that example for someone, I am honored for both of us.

I am here to tell you on this February love holiday, Howard's birthday of course, what did you think I was going to say? So, anyway, on this holiday I am here to tell you to be persistent, be committed to excellence in relationships, first with yourself and then others, be truthful to yourself and don't settle for good enough.

If you are brave enough to come into this Earth experience, you are brave enough to look within and know what you want from all of the relationships in your life. You are brave enough to be retrospective of what you have settled for in the past and perhaps be grateful yourself for what you see there as well. I know we aren't the only ones who were able to love another so much we ended up loving ourselves in the process. Look around. There are examples. Be willing to do the work required too. Loving oneself isn't for sissies. It is hard work sometimes, but the peace that comes from the soul when you do is absolutely tangible.

I wish for you the love that lights you up inside. A love for life, for self, for others, for sunshine, for puppies, for art, for the Earth and for whatever makes your world amazing. I wish for you a love that has not only hindsight, but foresight to help create it to be more than you could possibly imagine. I wish for you the knowledge that you deserve to experience it in your life and sure, you may have to trust a little and you may have to be brave, but you can do that. I know you can. I've seen the love in you and reflect it back.

Many blessings,
Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

"When the inclination is to use Finally, insert Timely, because that is much more accurate." vb

If there is anything I have learned in the last few months, it is patience. During the process of the store changing hands and then coming back, there was a great deal of uncertainty. What were we going to do? What were our options legally? Should we sue and be caught up in the energy longer and tied to a situation that was less than pleasant? Should we let it go and take the road of class and integrity or scream from the top of our lungs about the unfairness of it all? A lot of what should we do and then I remembered life isn't about stuff. It isn't about who won or who lost and it certainly, in my world, isn't about changing who I am to join a lower energy of deceit so our only option was that high road while learning how to protect our assets a bit more, emphasis on the ass part!

So, here I am two months later and I could say it is finally done but as I remind a good friend of mine, timely is what it is really is because everything happens in the best time if we are able to be in the flow of energy. I won't lie, it has been one of the hardest times of my life but it has also showed me who I really am and that no matter what happens, I can shine.

I have heard that people miss the newsletters and blogs and trust me, I miss writing, but there was a need to take care of myself, and my immediate family, and make sure whatever I was offering was of the highest vibration and sincere. I have learned it is very healthy to say I am mad, sad, frustrated, not going to bend to your every whim and that others needs will just have to wait. This is HUGE for me so once again, I am grateful for an experience that is less than ideal but evidently exactly what I needed to get to the place of self care. Having said that...I'm baaaaaack! Ha!

I am sure it isn't a surprise to you that the energy has been INTENSE! I feel like I have been going through a wringer washing machine backwards and all my stuffing is coming out! Wouldn't that be nice if the stuffing came out, but I digress, it has been challenging lately. The full moon that we just passed was hugely gorgeous as well as pushing us to be clear about what we would like moving forward. This is not the time of indecision. You know those cosmic 2x4's I talk about in my book, well, here you go. If you don't listen to what your body needs, your emotional heart, your brain, there will be more wringing out going on and it will feel awful.

The good news is that once you make a decision, and it can be as simple as I want to feel good, the energy will shift into motion again and you will feel the relief of it throughout yourself. Keep reminders around you of reaching for that higher energy feeling. If you are angry, reach for neutral, if you are frustrated, reach for inspired.  A simple adjustment will have that radio frequency you are singing beautifully. There just isn't tolerance for fake any longer in this amazing universe we have. Relationships that weren't working before will show their cracks even more and decisions will have to be made. Careers that don't line up, even for those of us self employed, will reveal new layers or a complete packing up of the gig. Most importantly for me, the practice of putting off self care will no longer be tolerated by self.

Yes, people, we are moving into a healthy version of selfishness, which simply means to take care of oneself. Do it or experience your body, mind and spirit pushing you in other ways. How often have you not listened to self and then ended up on the couch with a full blown cold or flu or twisted ankle because you needed to stop and rest but wouldn't allow yourself to? Well, I'm telling you, you are going to want to listen so that this isn't created and so you don't have to learn through a limiting experience to embrace your expansion.

There will also be less tolerance in all of us for untruths. I had this experience this am. I had a practitioner that was giving me an excuse about why my prescription wasn't called in. Now, I am patient with these things because I know how overwhelming the amount of phone calls, emails, texts and facebook messages I get can be so I tend to give leeway. But when I can't breathe, the less tolerant Vicki shows up. I had to remind myself while I was there, in person because that always makes more of an impression, especially when you can't breathe, that pushing was only going to beget more pushing from their part. It is a natural energy response. So, I took the deepest breath I could and used my mama voice (The kids always said I was scary when I got quiet and emphatic, best info they every gave me.) and calmly stated, you can continue to lie or we can just speak the truth here and get to a solution that hopefully includes me breathing. Thank goodness I am aware of the energy or I could have gone a bit bitchy there. I do have that ability. ;)

I personally am a fan of honesty and am glad the energy is shifting so that more people will line up with their own version, wherever that may be on the scale. Take some time to assess where you are in your honesty with yourself first, because it always starts at home, and then pick a couple of items that aren't in alignment with your new honest Abe self and address them. You don't have to change everything in one day, that rarely works, but movement forward is necessary if you don't want to get swept up in this next wave of clarification the universe is doing.

I know the question from most of you is how long is this going to last? Well, good question, how long are you going to be a soul...eternally. This is not going to change. How you respond to it will over time. See it as an exciting challenge to always tell the truth. Be aware of your delivery, manners still count and remember your truth is not the other persons, so be respectful of others.

The energy is going to shift though within the next week, by next Thursday is what I am calling, Thanksgiving, how appropriate. Use it to help you decide what kind of life you would like to be living. It only hurts a lot if you swim against the current, it is a lot of fun if you get on the inner tube and ride it down the river!

I wish you the best in this process and am so grateful to those who hung in there with me during this last transition. Goodness gracious!

Blessings,
Vicki