Have you ever searched and searched for something, like your car keys, and can't find them anywhere only to return to the place you originally started, and there they are? I did this recently looking for a receipt. I am ridiculously organized. It is an energy thing. I work best when items have a home and are available when I need them. So, when I couldn't find a receipt that should have been in the items to be entered into quickbooks (Yes, there is a home for things before they go to their permanent home, a bit like a layover in a cross country flight.)  I was quite confused by my own doings and a bit bummed the system didn't work. I quickly got over this when my humor returned and I realized it's a receipt, Vicki, simply a receipt.

As my head works, I wondered why I got so twisted up by this experience and came to the conclusion it was because of the search not necessarily that I couldn't find the receipt. I have trust in my systems so even if the paper wasn't there, I would eventually be able to reprint it and the world would be good again. In my rushing though, I got caught up in, but, "I have to find it!"

What I forgot was we don't need to find anything; what we need is already right there. In the case of a physical objects, often they are right in front of our faces and we can't see them because the worry acts like a smoke screen making it virtually impossible to see what we were looking for in the first place. What are we so worried about? Well, that is different for everyone but most often it is the belief and false sense of security that if the external item can validate me, I am ok. If I find what I was looking for, phew, all is well with my world. If that person likes me, I must be lovable. If I make a certain amount of money, I have value.

That is a lot of pressure to place on one little receipt, car keys, savings account, boyfriend, boss and whatever else may be on the list.

What may be on your list that is offering up that tease of when you find it, you will then be happy, fit, gorgeous, rich, calm etc? There isn't anything external that is going to give you that feeling. It must come from within and while that may seem daunting, it can really be an amazing process to realize the power comes from you and that means no one can take it away nor can they offer it up. Sure, it feels good to have those things in your life and to love another, but the feeling still isn't coming from that or them, it comes from you. How cool is that?

For me it wasn't the receipt being missing it was the feeling that I had failed at something. Now, I didn't know that immediately. I had to be willing to take the time and be curious about what I was feeling in order to have the awareness that something was amiss here. Once I allowed myself to do that, the humor and acceptance returned.

So, what if you took the energy that goes into looking outside of yourself and if you must still be in the practice of "finding" something, you find you? It isn't necessary to rent a billboard to tell others you are doing it, besides, that would be looking outside of you again for validation. Instead, take a nice deep breathe in through the nose and out the mouth to center yourself, be brave and say, "what is really going on here and how can I support me in understanding what I need?"

Whatever method you use to get to know you, congratulations. Along the path, remind yourself that when you are feeling like you want to find out who you are; keep it an internal process and perhaps use this acronym First I Notice Details. Notice what it is that make you unique and be brave as you discover what can stay and what you would like to release.

This life thing doesn't come with a map as far as I have been able to tell but we do come with our own personal GPS. Use yours!

Off I go a wondering,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

...if you've ever had a goldfish. This may seem like an odd thing to ask but there is a background to the question. After Howard passed I started really paying attention to the questions people ask and the statements made regarding his passing. Most were so lovely and caring and although "I'm sorry for your loss" became a trigger to me wanting to pop someone in the noggin...I didn't. I simply stated, he isn't lost, we weren't at the mall and can't find each other.  He knows where he is and I know he is still in my heart, and thank you.

I know it is largely because we don't know what to say so I thought I would bring a little bit of honesty, perhaps a bit bold, conversation to the subject. I realize that I deal with the subject on a daily basis in my work and over the last year, in my life, so I may have a different approach to the subject, but hear me out because when there is acceptance to this process, I do believe we will all live thoroughly before WE croak.

So, regarding the goldfish comment. I had someone say to me "I can't believe your husband passed. He was so young." Yes, relatively speaking, he was, but my first thought was, "Have you ever had a goldfish?" My point: Everything croaks. EVERYTHING. Even the single cell organism is going to fade off into the sunset at some point. Hey, we should be grateful, some insects are only here for a day and must do it all in 24 hours. There is a great book called Everyone Poops. Perhaps we should have a book that is titled Everything Croaks. (Croak is the word often used by those who have communicated with me after they passed. There is no death. Transfer of energy, sure, but no death so I won't use that term.)

Another statement I hear a lot is "was he sick?" Well, yes, he was. For three years before he croaked but how is that relevant? Because we had some sort of flag telling us that his time could be up at any point? Well, technically we did because I had a preview of his passing but We ALL have that flag. It's called being born. From the moment you are born there is a process to returning to the other side. There just is. No special formula. No one gets away from this. Some may be here longer, as to whatever their soul contract is, and some may not. It's not preferential treatment if someone is here until they are 106...that is their soul contract. A contract each of us agrees to and at some point I really hope we begin to high five those that cross before we do for they completed what they came to do.

What I came to realize in those three years was we had to live with the knowledge that he could go at any moment. I am grateful for that because it brought honesty, humor and lots of conversations about him stalking me from the other side. It also created an opening for the "what do you want, Howard?" dialogue so when it was time, I knew for certain without any question what his wishes were. That alleviated a lot of pressure knowing he made those decisions before any emergency situation. It made for some tense moments with his mother, but eh, I'm tough, I could take it...because honoring him was more important than if someone blamed me.

Now, I will be honest, I didn't have a clear knowing of how hard this after process really is. My parents had passed but I was so stressed with life when Mom did, I don't believe I processed it until much later and Dad and my relationship was distant at best. I loved him and know he loved me but beyond that, there wasn't much I was grieving. I was so relieved for him that he didn't have Alzheimer's anymore, I focused on that instead of a supposed loss in my life.

After experiencing three passings in ten months, I got a real good taste for this grieving thing. One thing I've learned is it can creep up on you and hit you when you least expect it; and that's ok. I was taking a spin class one night and a song came on that opened the flood gates. At first I was just trying to get out of the room but I knew I wasn't going to stop the tears, especially since I had two good friends in the class and the compassion in their eyes added to the tears. I have the best girlfriends ever. Anyway, I exploded. Tears, snot, heaving sobs. It was very pretty. My next thought was a bit of embarrassment but by the time I left the bathroom, still weeping, I said, "you know what? I am not going to pretend I'm not hurting. I am going to bring a bit of honesty to this process and let people see when I'm upset and if it bothers them, they will need to get over it." So, I explained to the crew that wasn't sure if I sprained something why I was crying and got the best, albeit sweaty, hugs I've ever had. Some of these sweaty people I had just met that night. Honesty brings compassion.

We have to be willing to allow the feelings to come up and out. If we don't, we will be creating issues in our own tissues. I'll admit, I can be a pretty stoic person but that is because I hurt so bad when others hurt that I learned to sort of bottle it. Well, this process has uncorked that and I am actually grateful. Hey, I started crying one time in the store because I automatically reached for the tea Howard liked but I didn't. I didn't need to buy it but some muscle memory had me reaching for it and then the smack in the heart when I realized I didn't need it. One never knows what will open it, but be grateful it is open for a closed heart is a very sad thing.

While it is true everything expires physically, those that are here after the person passes will have to do their process. Let's have some compassion and patience for that.

Often I have heard, call me when you need to talk or are crying. Well, no, that is not going to happen. At least for me it won't. See above accounting of how I cry. It ain't pretty and I can't dial the phone at the time. I have to collapse, let it all out and then get back up again. I have to. I promised him. So, when you have someone in your life going through this, please don't expect them to be the ones to call. They may not be able to and that is ok because whatever they are going through is not about you and your desire to help. It may just be about them trying to stand up that day and make it through the day.

Finally, I know everyone really does mean well and to the person who said she understood because her pet passed and that was traumatic...I am sure it was and I'm sorry that happened. See? Growth...I didn't punch her! I am not a violent person but sometimes when finding a balance between understanding the souls process and honoring those who have crossed and dealing with my own humanness, I dream a little dream.

May I offer a statement that some of my fellow friends who have walked this path themselves and I have seen walk it this year agree on? When appropriate, like in the receiving line or grocery store or wherever you happen to meet up after the goldfish, pet, spouse, child, parent, partner, etc passes offer up a "Well, this sucks" or the equivalent in your own language. Get honest. Be willing to be so bold as to say " I have no words and that is ok." Let's change it from "sorry for your loss" to the honesty of everyone passes and this is what happened and I acknowledge it stinks. I promise you, the person is going to be oh, so thankful you were authentic and didn't give a platitude and you will feel good because, well, honesty feels good.

I truly believe when we look this whole expiration process openly, we will begin to live lives that are fulfilling, honoring and accepting of the idea we all croak. We will then see that every day really is a gift and perhaps fill it with love, humor and an occasional threat of stalking once we've crossed. Perhaps that is one of the reasons I have gone through it now, to bring the open conversation idea with very little editing on my part. I'll understand if we need to part ways because my honesty may be too difficult to read and I'll wish you well. I won't, however, pretend anymore that whomever is lucky enough to pass has been jipped of a life or that their passing is somehow permission for us to be continuous sad sacks (I learned this term this month and ironically, it makes me giggle to say it. Healing comes in many ways.).

Please stretch yourself and see the gift in the life process. Be honest about your emotions, let them flow, and move on. Your loved one did and isn't that amazing?

No edit button anymore and I am liking it,
Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

Have you ever attended a workshop where they asked you to do the two minute elevator speech to describe what it is you do? Judging from that groan I just heard, it seems some of you have. Well, I groan right along with you. Besides my obvious gift for gab and thinking; I only have two minutes? The inability to do this has frustrated me for years. Years I tell you. 

The reason this has come up is for the four millionth, five hundred and thirty second time is, I tried to explain what it is I do to someone the other day as part of our Mastermind Group. I say try because it has been challenging for me to describe the work I do with people as it can be so different from one person to another, but I decided to really think and feel the answer to see what would come up. Thankfully, she has had a session with me so it helped to take the pressure off wondering if she would understand the experience as described from my point of view. 

This is what I came up with; I have the unique ability to be able to see someone's soul and it's intention in coming into this lifetime along with the agreement it made with the human self. Along with this flight plan filed before they came in as a human, I then look to see what the blocks may be in place and how I can help. Once I have a clear picture of this, I use my intuition, coaching and Belief Re-patterning to remind the person they have a soul with intelligence that would like to work in connection with their physical being to create the life that is most successful for them, in all areas of their experience, at what successful means to them in the moment. 

The way I described it feeling is like when Tinkerbell sewed Peter Pan's shadow back on to his body. When the two were separate, Peter wasn't happy and the shadow was bouncing all over the place trying to get his attention. That is what it feels like to me when someone isn't listening to themselves. It's a bit distracting, but with practice, I have learned how to communicate in a way the person can hear me and suggest they connect up to their soul knowing so this journey of being human doesn't seem so hard.

I had seen this as the what I did but not taken the time to connect it to how I did it and certainly never told anyone so succinctly. Phew, that felt good. As a side note; she asked me if I had ever thought of writing this out to help others know what it is I do. Insert a dramatic pause here...me shaking my head no....full belly laughs from both of us. It was a fantastic moment of knowing I would have thought to go there immediately with a client but not with myself. Ahhhh, this soul/human thing is so fun, isn't it? 

As happens often in my life through the law of attraction, within two days of me articulating this, I had three people say back to me; "It's like you see my soul and describe my whole path and who I am without even knowing me and in a way more clear than I could say myself." Ummmmm, yup. To be fair, isn't it always easier for someone else to see our stuff? Add whatever homework I did in a past life to be able to intuit the way I do and it's easy.  I love that I am able to help through whatever wiring I have that allows me to see paths, blocks, future events and to help people line up with what is best for themselves. 

Obviously, the people I work with have to be willing to grow, change and embrace the knowledge that lifetimes of being a soul have given them or me seeing their potential isn't going to help anyone in the long term. That is where working together in an ongoing basis can really expand a person and create that growth exponentially. It takes courage to be a human, but we don't have to do it alone. 

I decided to write this up as a blog form as there have been many questions as to why I am no longer offering the medium readings any longer. Along with the fact that it is gut wrenchingly hard to do since my husband completed his soul journey while I have not, it is simply that I encourage others to do what they love the most and I would be a hypocrite if I didn't do the same. 

Through these last nine months, I have had to ask myself on many occasions if I am living as my soul intends in conjunction with my human path and when I come up with a not really; I feel so completely pushed to do so. I know what it feels like to not listen and I really know what it looks like after doing this for fifteen years with you amazing people. The soul is here to be curious, to expand and explore. We owe it to ourselves to do just that!

For whatever time I have on this planet, I want to be able to say I was courageous and listened to my soul. I want to be able to appreciate my Tinkerbell skills and encourage others to use their superpower, whatever it may be! 

I am so grateful to Chantal for helping me find the clarity, myself for being brave enough to say, hey, this is what I do, and you amazingly wonderful people who have been part of this business that doesn't seem like work. I am appreciative to have signed up to be here at this time. 

What do you believe to be your superpower? What is your soul saying to you it wants to be curious about? Are you brave enough to listen? It's ok if the answer is not really. That's why I'm here. Give me a call and we will do it together!

One of my favorite quotes is by Theodore Roosevelt; 

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

Be daring, be messy, stumble, make errors, but for goodness sake, be willing to be, 
Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

Every month I do an event I call Share an Evening with Vicki. Twelve people and myself get together where I do readings, coaching and Belief Re-patterning. We laugh a lot, there are tears occasionally but not usually from me. This month was very different.

I have always said I have the best clients. I know other practitioners think they do, but I know I do. (We can all have the best ones for us though, so rejoice in your best clients too if you have them!) Genuinely wonderful people. In every group there is support for whomever I am working with at the time as well as patience as I haven't been able to figure out how to do a short and sweet session if something is coming up that is significant. It's entirely possible someone may not get read when they come. Not likely, but possible. 

There is a great joke among those that have come more than once that I have an issue telling time. The event runs for two hours. In the five years I've been doing it, I have stuck to that exactly once. Once. Yup. So, it wasn't a surprise that this one ran over. I always tell people, feel free to leave if you need to as I understand you didn't sign up for three hours! People rarely do. 

As I finished up with one of the great guys who came, another gentlemen raised his hand to ask a final question. He initially gave a request stated in a way that usually makes me groan as it's so vague "Something is happening soon and I have a choice and I want to know which way to go." Okkkkkkk, that is going to take some energy that to be honest, I didn't know if I had after thirteen hours of readings that day. 

As it turned out, I didn't need to be concerned at all because the flash I got on my movie screen was so clear, we could wrap this up quickly, or so I thought. My response was to say something along the lines of "I don't really see that there is a choice. You have already decided and it looks really good so, go for it." 

He did. Right there at that moment! He stood up, then got down on one knee (you can swoon here if you want), and asked his girlfriend to marry him! Right there in my office, after three hours of sitting there waiting for his turn. So sweet.  

I told you I have the best clients. The rest of the group, and I was probably the loudest, started crying and laughing and clapping and his parents, who came with him, were the most adorable, proud couple I have seen in a long time. 

I happen to like surprises. Probably because it doesn't happen a lot for me. I often get the "preview" before something happens so when I am truly surprised, it's such a rush.

I know not all surprises are what we consider to be good news, but given the news we usually see lately, isn't it nice to receive a feel good post? I hope you agree. 

So, to W and T from Friday night and all those who bring amazing surprises and love to this world; I thank you. My heart thanks you. 

Blessings, 

Vicki

P.S. I hope I get invited to the wedding. (Blatant, perhaps, but I've rarely been accused of being subtle.)

www.vickibaird.com

If you've read this blog more than one time, thank you, and you know that I take a lot of the topics from my own experience or that with others. I'm like that. Very experiential and observational. It's a gift as well as a trip down the rabbit hole sometimes when I venture off into "I wonder" space. Either way, always an adventure.

So, this weeks experience happened in a coaching session. Me being the client this time though, so I figure there is no need to edit identity for the sake of confidentiality!

I was explaining to Wren, my theracoach extraordinaire, that I felt a bit wobbly this week and ok, yes, a little overwhelmed. It wasn't the whole week thankfully, but a whoosh of energy that took me over right before a client was due in. Not the best timing but it did make me pay attention. I remember wondering; is this a panic attack? This feels like it could be what others describe as the beginning of a panic attack. I didn't have time for such a thing so I pulled the Belief Re-patterning into action and got to a calm space and parked that puppy until I could look at it later.

Later came while I was walking the dog and I realized some of the feeling was because I had let the bookkeeping get two months behind and I know how that impacts the financial flow of a business so I set a plan to get that completed. As with most emotional issues, there were layers. Lots and lots of layers, kind of like that seven layer dip that is so divine with the sour cream! Only, these layers had the tanginess of hot salsa where you know you don't want to burn your lip but you just have to try it. So, I took a deep breath and felt into the next layer. I won't bore you with the middle layers because really, its just re-fried beans and guacamole (yuck), but the layer with the goodies for me, cheese, it's always cheese with me, was right under there; the awareness that other than myself and the pets; I didn't have anyone I had to take care of anymore. I was free to do what I wanted to do because everyone had either croaked or was an adult and could take care of themselves. For the first time in over three decades, I didn't have parents, a spouse, kids, a boss or employees to report to or make sure they were doing ok in the day to day process of life.

Now, to be totally transparent, I wasn't experiencing empty nest syndrome, I am very good with that idea. I was experiencing the feeling of being autonomous. It is a freaky, freaky feeling when you are used to people looking to you for direction and care. It was a little like Sandra Bullock in Gravity. Floating out in the middle of space. It was exciting, scary and just a little bit concerning because, you know, oxygen is important.

Once I realized what it was, I went into excitement mode. WHAT could I do with all that space? HOW exciting to think I can choose to do whatever I want! TO THINK: I'm not being self-centered by taking care of only me. I'm the only person I have to take care of right now!

Then I went back to, I don't know how to do that. What exactly does that mean? I know I encourage people on a daily basis to take care of themselves, but what exactly does that mean for me on an ongoing basis? What will I do with all my time? (This is actually a little sarcasm because if you are someone who is a single homeowner, running your own business, you know that there is ALWAYS something to do!)

So, Wren then asked me what was really the issue. I pondered this, took a deep breath and said " I feel like a turtle that is stuck on a piece of driftwood up in the air. My little legs are flopping in the breeze and I can't get a hold of solid ground to move myself forward. Backwards is old patterns of getting involved in others stories so I don't have time to take care of me and forwards is new experiences that I'm excited to learn about but still a little nervous." She used a technique familiar to coaches in asking me to visualize what it was like once I got down off the piece of driftwood. I told her I felt ease in that. I felt less tension and more adventurous.

I then wondered if people could realize when they were being turtle in stuck formation if they could stop, breathe, ponder and formulate a plan from that calm place. I felt that when I got calm, I could tip my body to be able to touch the ground and then dismount off this place I was stuck. I bet the turtle doesn't think about it as much as I did. Maybe he knows inherently to stop, enjoy the view from the new vantage point and let the plan formulate itself.

When you experience that feeling of anxiousness, can you be the turtle in the story and take a breath, enjoy the higher vantage point and allow a plan to come together? Or do you get busy and power through to the next thing and the next hoping that manic movement is going to dislodge you from your driftwood and set you on your way? Which one would feel more supportive of a joyful life?

www.vickibaird.com