What finding oneself really means...to me anyway.

Have you ever searched and searched for something, like your car keys, and can't find them anywhere only to return to the place you originally started, and there they are? I did this recently looking for a receipt. I am ridiculously organized. It is an energy thing. I work best when items have a home and are available when I need them. So, when I couldn't find a receipt that should have been in the items to be entered into quickbooks (Yes, there is a home for things before they go to their permanent home, a bit like a layover in a cross country flight.)  I was quite confused by my own doings and a bit bummed the system didn't work. I quickly got over this when my humor returned and I realized it's a receipt, Vicki, simply a receipt.

As my head works, I wondered why I got so twisted up by this experience and came to the conclusion it was because of the search not necessarily that I couldn't find the receipt. I have trust in my systems so even if the paper wasn't there, I would eventually be able to reprint it and the world would be good again. In my rushing though, I got caught up in, but, "I have to find it!"

What I forgot was we don't need to find anything; what we need is already right there. In the case of a physical objects, often they are right in front of our faces and we can't see them because the worry acts like a smoke screen making it virtually impossible to see what we were looking for in the first place. What are we so worried about? Well, that is different for everyone but most often it is the belief and false sense of security that if the external item can validate me, I am ok. If I find what I was looking for, phew, all is well with my world. If that person likes me, I must be lovable. If I make a certain amount of money, I have value.

That is a lot of pressure to place on one little receipt, car keys, savings account, boyfriend, boss and whatever else may be on the list.

What may be on your list that is offering up that tease of when you find it, you will then be happy, fit, gorgeous, rich, calm etc? There isn't anything external that is going to give you that feeling. It must come from within and while that may seem daunting, it can really be an amazing process to realize the power comes from you and that means no one can take it away nor can they offer it up. Sure, it feels good to have those things in your life and to love another, but the feeling still isn't coming from that or them, it comes from you. How cool is that?

For me it wasn't the receipt being missing it was the feeling that I had failed at something. Now, I didn't know that immediately. I had to be willing to take the time and be curious about what I was feeling in order to have the awareness that something was amiss here. Once I allowed myself to do that, the humor and acceptance returned.

So, what if you took the energy that goes into looking outside of yourself and if you must still be in the practice of "finding" something, you find you? It isn't necessary to rent a billboard to tell others you are doing it, besides, that would be looking outside of you again for validation. Instead, take a nice deep breathe in through the nose and out the mouth to center yourself, be brave and say, "what is really going on here and how can I support me in understanding what I need?"

Whatever method you use to get to know you, congratulations. Along the path, remind yourself that when you are feeling like you want to find out who you are; keep it an internal process and perhaps use this acronym First I Notice Details. Notice what it is that make you unique and be brave as you discover what can stay and what you would like to release.

This life thing doesn't come with a map as far as I have been able to tell but we do come with our own personal GPS. Use yours!

Off I go a wondering,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com