Do you like people? I do, I really do. There may be some I choose to be with more than others but people are fun. In this chapter I talked about our individual topography. Who are we in our own fabulous selves? I am so glad this chapter came up this month because just yesterday I said to my theracoach (She's both a therapist and a life coach. How blessed am I?) "I don't know where I stand. Am I single? Am I still married, because it feels like I am. Am I independent? Flying solo? I know I am not a widow because I am not a fan of the word. The spider is fine, but the word is not for me." I know I am my own person and thankfully we had that kind of relationship where we weren't dependent on each other for air, but what the what, man? Where am I?
Call it practice or knowing myself, but I ended up answering her by saying, I am Vicki and that is all I need to know right now. I will focus on that and allow the other questions to float out into cyberspace to never return, hopefully! I am the only person who can be me and you are the only one who can be you. Isn't that fantastic?
As you read through this, assess for yourself where you may be entering into another persons topography and establish clear property lines. Believe it or not, when we stand in who we are, relationships get really, really good!
Here is to your IT.....
Call it practice or knowing myself, but I ended up answering her by saying, I am Vicki and that is all I need to know right now. I will focus on that and allow the other questions to float out into cyberspace to never return, hopefully! I am the only person who can be me and you are the only one who can be you. Isn't that fantastic?
As you read through this, assess for yourself where you may be entering into another persons topography and establish clear property lines. Believe it or not, when we stand in who we are, relationships get really, really good!
Here is to your IT.....
My
IT may not be Your IT, but it’s Still an IT
Everywhere
you turn there are people, people who are busy with their lives, people who are
ignoring their lives and people who are living their lives to the fullest. I
love people in all of these areas, I love people. It may sound corny but it is
true. I love the intricacy of people and how creative we are in our
expressions. I believe there is an inherent nosiness in us that keeps us
looking at others and trying to figure out what they have that we don’t. Call it
an innate desire to grow or just plain ole nosiness, it really doesn’t matter;
we do it.
Remember
that saying “keeping up with the Jones’s”? Well, that is similar to what is inherent in
us without the materialism. How much have you learned from someone over your
life time? Certainly you learned how to talk, eat, and walk along with a myriad
of other skills. Just watch a baby when you are talking with them, they will
mimic the lip movements you make, so cute yet so smart. Yet, somewhere in the
path it starts to go the other way, where we look to others and compare. I know
you do it, we all do it.
We look to them to see if they have better clothes, are they happier, do they know something we don’t know or are they looking us? Again, this is something that is innate in us but somewhere along the message gets changed or conditioned and we forget we are individuals and all special. For each of us there is a divine spark, that gas that keeps us moving and wanting to learn on this wonderful planet and if we listen to that as an individual frequency, I believe we would all be happier.
We look to them to see if they have better clothes, are they happier, do they know something we don’t know or are they looking us? Again, this is something that is innate in us but somewhere along the message gets changed or conditioned and we forget we are individuals and all special. For each of us there is a divine spark, that gas that keeps us moving and wanting to learn on this wonderful planet and if we listen to that as an individual frequency, I believe we would all be happier.
There
have been teachings that we are all one and I believe that confused people.
While I do believe we contribute to the whole, we are individual humans inside
our individual souls excitedly exploring this energy based universe. If there
was more thought to how we can be individual, I believe, and have seen in my
own practice, we can then contribute to others lives without a feeling of being
drained or asked to change. One of the concepts I ask my clients, and practice
myself is knowing who self is. If you know who you are, the tendency to look at
others is less and the comparison thing, while it may show up on occasion, is
less likely to stick. So ask yourself these few questions so you can see where
you stand in holding your own IT, Individual topography. Where do you begin and
end without relation to others.
- Do you find yourself comparing to others? If you do, what is it about? What is the literal subject matter?
- Do you recognize your own unique offering to this universe? It doesn't have to be something huge, it is YOU, and simply because you are here that is amazing. Can you see that?
- Can you accept that you may have a few IT's but hey, they are cute in their itness and unique in their own way and comparing to others isn't going to help with them but rather add to the challenge of balancing them?
- If others are doing well, do you have a hard time with that and ask, where is mine?
Another
concept I have asked my clients to consider using when they are having
challenges with comparing or if they have someone in their lives that does the
comparing for them. I ask the client to meet the person for the first time,each
time they meet them.
I had an epiphany one day that part of the reason that a sibling and I had challenges was because of the comparison thing. I felt good in whom I was becoming but they had an issue with me being in my own space and while they wouldn’t cognitively create an issue, energetically and emotionally there was one there. While on the way to a family function I was asking myself how could I go into the day and enjoy everyone and not feel like I was being sucked dry by the energy of neediness. I love my family and they are a FUN group so I wanted a fun day of connecting without old issues getting in the way, issues that I completely take responsibility in fostering over the years. So, I asked a few times on the way over of myself, how can you change how you interact because you can’t change another person, only self. I realized that if I went in and met my sibling with the energy of new acquaintance and who are you today and what are you offering, not only would I be in the now but I would also be erasing old stuff, or so I felt.
So, I did that. I met her with an energy of less baggage and true interest in who she was as a person. I had a FABULOUS day because as I started to practice this I noticed she didn’t want anything to do with me and kept avoiding me. Now, I didn’t have a good day because of that because I truly do enjoy her, I had a great day because whatever I was feeling would work, DID! I recognized that even if she wasn’t cognitively aware, her own intuition told her something was up and the old story was not going to work any longer. I kept my boundaries about myself but I also started to extend this to others that were there. Now, I have seven siblings and they all have families so that is a lot of people to practice on in a day. I loved it. I met all for who they brought that day and laughed more than I ever remember laughing at a get together, and that says something because we are a good humored family.
I had an epiphany one day that part of the reason that a sibling and I had challenges was because of the comparison thing. I felt good in whom I was becoming but they had an issue with me being in my own space and while they wouldn’t cognitively create an issue, energetically and emotionally there was one there. While on the way to a family function I was asking myself how could I go into the day and enjoy everyone and not feel like I was being sucked dry by the energy of neediness. I love my family and they are a FUN group so I wanted a fun day of connecting without old issues getting in the way, issues that I completely take responsibility in fostering over the years. So, I asked a few times on the way over of myself, how can you change how you interact because you can’t change another person, only self. I realized that if I went in and met my sibling with the energy of new acquaintance and who are you today and what are you offering, not only would I be in the now but I would also be erasing old stuff, or so I felt.
So, I did that. I met her with an energy of less baggage and true interest in who she was as a person. I had a FABULOUS day because as I started to practice this I noticed she didn’t want anything to do with me and kept avoiding me. Now, I didn’t have a good day because of that because I truly do enjoy her, I had a great day because whatever I was feeling would work, DID! I recognized that even if she wasn’t cognitively aware, her own intuition told her something was up and the old story was not going to work any longer. I kept my boundaries about myself but I also started to extend this to others that were there. Now, I have seven siblings and they all have families so that is a lot of people to practice on in a day. I loved it. I met all for who they brought that day and laughed more than I ever remember laughing at a get together, and that says something because we are a good humored family.
I
also learned that day how I had been contributing to how others treated me,
mostly because I had been comparing. I wasn’t aware of my own Individual
Topography, where did I fit in the universe and how was I contributing to its
beauty. The conclusion of the day fascinated me even more. As I was giving my
sister a hug goodbye she asked me what I did differently, she couldn’t get to
me. Now, I truly know she didn’t know what she said as I felt it was a
confirmation from spirit that I was on to something here, so I hugged her and
gave her a kiss (we are huggers too) and said you were you and I adore you for
that. I drove home saying “that was fascinating” over and over and over again.
I
have continued to use this day after day with people whether I am meeting them
for the first time or have known them for years. It feels like it drops the
energy of conflict before I get there so there is nothing for them to grab hold
of and react to. It keeps things harmonious and it allows for them to have
their own Individual Topography that I can admire from afar but not take away
from. I recommend people try this with those they may be experiencing conflicts
with. If that is difficult, try it with the person checking your groceries or
bag at the airport. Not only does it allow you to meet all kinds of fascinating
people, it will light you up in ways you didn’t even know were available
because you won’t be allowing the dimness of the past to interfere with
wonderful relationships.
So,
take some time right now and see where is your topography? Where does your map
end and others begin? Is there space in there for all to grow and expand and
work the land? If not, take some steps back and do a survey of where you would
like to be living with your IT’s and how you can create space for others and
their IT’s without comparing and without feeling effected. It is possible and I
know you can do it.
Each of us has the ability to create our own map, be our explorers and discover new lands within ourselves. Let's get to it, shall we?
Exploring hill and dale,
Vicki
Exploring hill and dale,
Vicki
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