It seems to be a very nostalgic time right now. People are doing a lot of self review. I LOVE it. I believe that one of the best ways to have an amazing life is to be willing to look at, but not sit in, our stuff. I see it as a personal treasure hunt, sort of like the geocaching people are doing. You may find a gem one time or a piece of costume jewelry, but there is always something of value if you are willing to look. The journey to the location is often the valuable part!

When we use the rear view mirror to look behind us as our past, it can be fantastic. Keeping in mind the rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason. It isn't necessary to spend tons of time looking back there, but checking keeps us feeling safe and aware of our surroundings. I'll be the first to say, let's move forward from here and let the past be where it is and yet I know how challenging that can be.

I see so many people caught up in what happened, what they got, what they didn't get in relationships or what others got that they wanted. Perhaps too focused on what someone else did or didn't do. We are a complete compilation of our past experiences but we aren't them so to hang onto them waiting for them to be reconciled or corrected is a bit like chasing your own tail, you may catch it but it's going to hurt when you bite it!

I feel like there is a center ground in all of this. I truly believe we can learn to honor the past without allowing it be be an excuse for today. Now, I am not a therapist and I am very clear to say this to people, and I'm not suggesting we just "get over" whatever has happened. I am suggesting we look at our past and be freaking proud of ourselves for where we are today. Let's be honest, if you are hanging onto what someone else did or didn't do, they aren't the ones that are suffering, you are, so then does that make any sense to keep doing it? Sort of like sticking your finger in an outlet over and over again expecting not to get shocked when the electricity hasn't been shut off.

You have the ability to take the charge out of whatever the experience was and to stop shocking your electrical system over and over by remembering the injustice of it all. Perhaps this is through self care, Belief Re-patterning or similar techniques or therapy itself. Each person will have a different way of honoring the journey. For me it is combination of the re-patterning, quiet time and exercise. You may have to find your own combination. Be willing to do that for yourself.

So ask yourself:

• Am I holding onto something that is no longer serving me? 
• Am I doing it to have an excuse not to move forward? 
• Can I be compassionate with self enough to release the need to hold this? 
• Am I ready to give myself permission to live without a rear view mirror as my guide? 

Be kind when asking the questions and be honest. It isn't worth the time to ask if you are going to lie to yourself. The potential for great joy of life is there in any persons life if they are brave enough to let go of the excuses. If they are brave enough to use the past as a way to reveal their greatness.

Want to join me in the, "I am grateful for the experiences life has brought me and I rock this lifetime with intention of using them to propel me forward" movement?  We may need a shorter slogan but this will work for now. 

Utilizing my past as a diving board, 

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

One of the things I find fascinating about people is their tendency to believe that their power or happiness comes from another. I'll admit this took me a long time to learn but I am so grateful to whatever cosmic two by four that allowed it to sink into my gray matter.

I hear almost daily about how someone else has ruined my client's life. How someone else has betrayed them either through infidelity, business dealings, the other persons own emotional baggage, or that they've changed seemingly without notice.  I am sure there are a bunch more reasons that someone would feel betrayed but I wonder if it truly is betrayal.

Perhaps, it isn't betrayal but rather the other person needing to do what is best for them or what they feel, in that moment, is best for them. Granted not everyone acts in an upfront manner, so occasionally this could look like it was devious behavior.  For example, when a relationship is not in alignment with one member and rather than having a conversation with the other member they start seeing someone else. While this looks like a classic case of betrayal, I believe it is the first person's inability to communicate what they really want that has them acting out in the first place.

I had a recent experience where I had to grapple with this one myself. A former friend stop communication very abruptly and while I am not one to chase another relationship, I still had to wonder had I done anything? What was my part in the lack of communication? Should I reach out and ask is there anything that can be done? Or do I leave it alone and be thankful for the great conversations we've had and learn from this experience as once again, I am not in charge of everyone else.

Go ahead, guess which one I did?

You're correct if you said leave it alone and be thankful. I won't deny the fact that I felt hurt. I know I'm responsible for those emotions if I feel hurt. No one else can hurt my feelings. That one is on me. Besides, it wasn't the person that I was hurt about it was the abrupt end to communication. I took the opportunity to look at my relationships and what I bring to them. I know above all I am honest in my interactions with people. If someone is not getting something from a relationship with me, I feel it is their responsibility to speak up. After all, I don't read minds.

I could call it betrayal and the other person was being disloyal to me, but that would keep me trapped in the poor me place and I only allow that in small increments of five minutes tops! In the above case, I know that it has to do with the others that are in my friend's life. I honor that, respect it, and I'm grateful for everything I learned as it was not a long relationship, but it was fun while it lasted.

Another meaning of the word betrayal is to reveal or exhibit. Perhaps the persons in our lives we feel are being disloyal are really showing us what they are capable of when in a relationship? What if, this person who was in my life was really showing me what opportunistic looks like and to be aware of that in the future. What a great teacher wouldn't you agree? Great teachers don't always know they are teachers so please be aware you are ALWAYS a student.

Perhaps if you experience this in your life, you will take the time to ask yourself "what is there for me to learn?" If you are the one that is revealing to others, be willing to look at that as well and learn to communicate what you would like rather than waiting until your behavior reveals itself.

I wish you a life of easy lessons but if they aren't, please pay attention so you can shorten the time frame!

Blessings,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com