One of the inherent traits of being human seems to be our love of comparing ourselves to others. In any given conversation one can observe the desire to want to compare or one up the person that they are speaking with. I'm not sure if it has become more of a prevalent thing, or if I have simply become more aware of it. Either way, I am grateful that I became more aware of it this week and observed the conversations I was having with others to see if I was engaging in the comparison dance.

I know I have in the past and I know it came from a hyper awareness of others energy, as well as, feeling that I had to justify anything that was going well in my life. Following last weeks blog where I talked about stuffing emotions, I have a tendency to downplay what I have accomplished or what I know or even what I have been through in my life. As I watched myself communicate this week I found it fascinating how often I wanted to engage in that comparison place. I also found it fascinating how often the person I was speaking with wanted to do the comparison dance. It ended up being an exercise in restraints for me which also affirmed that if we are comparing, we aren't present in the conversation because were already digging up data to give as the next part of the conversation.

I am fortunate to have relationships with some wonderful women who show up in our dialogue in a sharing manner. Meaning, when we are talking there is a presence that can be felt as the other person is listening. At least from my vantage point, it feels as if we are playing a great game of tennis and as each person lobs the ball back, there is a period of time where what has been said is heard and responded to. This has helped me immensely this week to commit to being in communicative relationships where we are sharing, not comparing.

As a matter of fact, that was my mantra this week. "Sharing or comparing? Which one are you engaging in?"

When I first started working out and was sharing the excitement with anyone who wanted to, or didn't want to, listen I often was met with resistance energy from those I was talking with. It wasn't resistant because of the subject matter, it was resistant because the person was comparing what they did or didn't do to what I was talking about. If we were talking about how often we worked out in a week and I said that I aim for 4 to 5 days a week, it was common for me to hear back how they should do that or had to get back to doing it. The other response I got was that I needed to be careful and not work out too much because my adrenals, knees, arms, legs or earlobes couldn't handle it. I was honestly stymied by the response because I thought we were simply sharing not comparing. I didn't have my great saying at the time so I would often try to assuage their fears by downplaying how hard the workouts were.  And they can be freaking hard. That's the fun part!

I decided this week that I am going to do my best to be a great participant in conversations whether they are verbal or in text by honoring what the other person is saying and firing my comparing critic. Because that's what it typically is, isn't it? Rarely are we comparing in a way that is supportive of both parties. Rarely do we compare ourselves with others in a way that helps us to be better people. I believe if we are looking to another and wanting to attain or be in a manner that they live their lives it isn't comparison were using but rather inspiration. Inspired by them being themselves and a desire to experience the same in ourselves. Unless, of course, we are measuring ourselves on the short stick for not having done what they have done yet. Then it would be comparing.

So what kind of a participant in conversations, including social posting, are you? Does your mind default to a comparing place? If someone speaks of their success, do you immediately go to what you haven't accomplished yet? Or do you get excited with them and appreciate the effort they have put in in order to create a success? The first would be comparing, the latter would be sharing. Which one feels like it would be more fun to experience on a daily basis?

Be honest with yourself this week and observe your conversations with others. You don't have to tell them what's going on in your head. Just be aware if the critic in your brain wants to go to comparison with one of you being on the short end of the deal. Meaning if they say they did something you don't agree with you don't come back with "well, I wouldn't do that!". Also be willing to see if you really are in that share place when you were talking with others. How fantastic would it be to catch yourself doing something well?

I know we each came into our physical being to be and do amazing things. How are we supposed to do that if we are comparing ourselves to others? There won't be time as we are too busy looking at their paper to record something brilliant on ours. Let's commit to being present and celebrating each other by sharing experiences, thoughts, recipes, ideals, respect and overall gratitude that we have a brain and emotional ability to do it! 

Sharing is caring, so feel free to send this to a friend! 

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

It occurred to me today that I have truly become part of a community. I love the Berkshires and have been comfortable here since we moved to the area eighteen years ago. It is only recently though, that I have allowed myself to form strong connections with more people. I grew up in a small town and in hindsight, had a great time there, but it always felt too small and I can still hyperventilate at the idea that someone will say "Vicki? You are one of the Badore girls aren't you?" I think I have always liked a little anonymity and that doesn't come in a small town with a family of eight kids! :)

When I moved to Massachusetts, I believe I wanted to protect that anonymity and although I have great friends from when I first moved to the area, I kept my circle small. I didn't want to live in what felt like a fishbowl any longer.

Fast forward a few years and I hung my shingle out as an intuitive. Yeah, the irony didn't get past me either. Being known for what I do didn't phase me. It made sense. Being known as Vicki was still a little uncomfortable as I didn't know who I was. I believe it was becoming so comfortable with myself that I was no longer concerned if anyone knew everything about me. I still completely value my private time, but I am an open book otherwise.

The reason it occurred to me that community is a great thing is I attended a service for a friend today. There isn't a superlative in the English language to describe the love I felt in that place. There were over three hundred people there and we came an hour into the calling hours so imagine adding the ones that had paid their respects and left!

I realized as I waited in line that he and his family had touched all these people so much we came out in droves, wrapping around the building down the block, to be in that energy one more time. Let's be honest, services are not for the ones that have passed, they are for the ones in the physical body perhaps as a reassurance that we are still here and also to remember the soul who touched our lives. Dave and his family know how to do community. You could poll anyone in that place and they would have a very specific experience with them. A connective experience. A conscious, very present experience.

It wasn't the number of people who showed up. That's not what made the impression on me. It was the knowing that each person there had felt, heard or seen at some point in their life because this amazing family helps you feel that way. I want to be like them when I grow up. I want to contribute to a world community like that. It isn't about how many people come to your service, it is about the time you took with each person over your life to help them feel like they matter.

I haven't processed all that has impacted me being a part of Dave's journey, but I have had some of these nuggets show up as teachers along the way. I asked Dave before he crossed that when he has the energy space, after visiting all his close friends and loved ones, and writing a manual on how to live and how to cross (because he freaking rocked both!), if he would help me to appreciate life and to live with a bit more compassion that seemed to be a natural part of his being.

Each blog I do has some sort of call to action in it. Today, in honor of the stubborn Irishman, I am going to ask you to be present. To listen to whomever you are visiting with and to take the time to look around and ask if you are creating community wherever you go. I know we are all teachers and students at the same time. It is time for us to learn this and then teach as we go by being living examples of compassion.

Hope to see you in the neighborhood,

Vicki

A fun thing is happening to me this holiday season, every time someone says "I am so stressed, I have to buy a present for..." I start giggling, not because they are stressed but because I love irony.  People rush around to buy things for various reasons, because they think they have to, to validate their love, to prove something to someone, and sometimes, because they really want to, while secretly hoping for the appreciation to pour their way.  The irony here is they are creating stress buying presents and totally not being present.

I know I am not the first person to recognize that the holidays have become so hectic, everyone is trying to rush through them to get to January and be done with them. I miss the wonder of the season when it was about decorating, seeing pretty lights, my mother's braided cinnamon bread (the irony here being I have probably been intolerant of gluten my whole life but MAN was it good!) and the sing along we did on Christmas Eve. I wonder when someones company became less important than the latest wish list.

I love giving gifts so I'm not suggesting we forgo that, to anyone under the age of 18, but that we bring some presence into the season. Perhaps we can each ask ourselves what really matters to us and be the teacher of time being precious, not stuff. Not one soul who comes through to me wishes for their stuff but there is always an appreciation of the sweetest memory. I appreciate that my friends and I do time together rather than exchange gifts. Dinner out or a movie or snuggling into the couch with a cup of coffee and catching up is soul food. It nourishes at a level that is hard to explain. It validates we are connected to others and it gives value to the effort that is necessary in any friendship. I'm very blessed to have friends who get this.

How could you be more present this year? Would you like to volunteer? Would you want to say no to a holiday party you didn't want to go to anyway and stay home in your jammies while starring at the lights and giving thanks for whatever you learned this year? Would you like to start a tradition that the family only buy for those that are under an age or height limit? I don't know about you but I don't want to receive a gift someone has stressed over buying. Think of the energy associated with that. blek.

Give yourself the gift of time this year. Set an intention, if it feels right to you, to forgo the pressure of the manic shopping and perhaps make a donation in your family's name to a cause you believe in. I did this one year when I was younger and I remember the surprise of people's reactions but then the appreciation of being part of something they had no clue about but felt so good. I didn't realize then what I was doing had so much meaning, I probably thought it got me out of shopping too, but I am grateful to be aware of it now.

I wish you the gift of being totally present in your own life and seeing the magic that can bring. Sparkles, glitter and miracles.

Blessings,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

This winter I had made the commitment to getting my feet in the ocean more than a few times this year. The ocean is always a recharging space for me. Yes, I am a Cancer sun sign but I think it is has more to do with my soul line up then when I chose to join this Earth space. I am familiar with the ionic action that happens in and above the ocean water and am impressed with the healing powers that is has but man, oh man, do I love the feeling of looking out into that vastness and feeling a part of it.

I took the time this summer on our vacation to feel what that was about. I sat in my chair with my feet buried in the sand, my version of a pedicure, and just felt what could be the connection. I realized after a while of being that it was that something bigger lets us be small and that's a relief to our systems.

For some it may be the idea of a deity or a God that does that for them. For others it may be a belief system in science, energy or whatever floats their boat. For myself, the idea of such a large body of water working so diligently to bring us balance through its salt formation and wonderful life forms that thrive in aquatic situations is just fascinating. I do subscribe to the belief of a higher power and that helps me maintain balance as well, but when you can see it, feel it and put your piggies in it, well, that surely must be heaven on Earth.

While we each strive to be more, more, more in our lives it gets exhausting to always be bigger than we were. We want the simplicity of life, but we listen to messages to have and be more. Quite the tug of war. Having a connection to something that is so much bigger but doesn't seem to question itself, to me, is very influential. I can take on the characteristic of that ocean and go with the flow (literally and figuratively) while trusting that all is well. I love that. I can feel my shoulders relaxing and an acceptance seep in. ahhhhhhhhh

What is your ocean? What brings you the peace of being small and allowing the grandness of something else to hold the larger space for just a bit? What shows you that while you can be that large and influential, right now your only job is to be? Do you have that? If not, what could you do today to seek that out and create a feeling of comfort. This is not about limitations at all. This is about allowing gratitude and grace, as well as, inspired energy to be present.

It doesn't take much to be in that space. First there must be knowledge, then acceptance, then perhaps a visual reminder so you can go there often when you forget that the keeper of the Universe's job has already been filled and you can relax for a bit.

I know you can do it and I also know that when we fill ourselves up, we have more to give. Much like the tides going in and out. They don't question, they follow a natural course for themselves and the impact on others is wonderful. So, fill er up and find that inspiration.

Still smelling the salt of the ocean in my own mind,
Vicki