I've been thinking about this a lot for the last few years. It doesn't consume me or anything, more like a lingering thought that circles around so often that you think, perhaps I should look at this! The this is our challenge with being alone in this time in our existence. I'm grateful for the wondering about it because it gave me the idea that I would benefit from getting good with my own company. It also made me realize the falsehood we are fed that as long as we have someone, people, companions, partners, a goldfish; we are good to go. Well, life has shown me otherwise this year and I am thankful.

I'll tell you why I am thankful. I have realized that we are always alone and that is freaking exciting to me. This isn't meant to depress you, and if it does, well, you may want to look at if you like your own company, truly like it. It is meant to empower and maybe bring some relief because I believe we all feel this on some level and aren't willing to speak of it. That suppressed energy creates anxiety. I'm not a fan of anxiety, so give me a task that can help me to not feel that and I am all over it!

Yes, we come in through someone’s uterus, but we are essentially a soul borrowing a human form while trying to balance all that goes with that job. That soul, even though connected to so many, far beyond what we can even comprehend, is still alone. It has decided to do a journey (sorry Phil, I had to use the word. He's not a big fan. :)). In this journey, it has committed to learning as much as it can while aligning with its intention to serve in some capacity on this planet. Call me silly but that makes me so stinking excited. Somewhere in all the infinite intelligence in the universe, my soul trusted me to learn how to be my own self in this lifetime and to grasp the concept that while I love having people in my life, they do not make my life. I do.

I see many people in the transition phases of their life. It is what, I am told, I am most gifted at helping people with. We are always in some transition of some type in our lives, but some are noticeably bigger than others. Buying a new pair of shoes is a transition (especially if you run. Holy moly are there a lot of choices!) but this isn't nearly as big a transition as when someone crosses, we get fired, divorced, move, or change direction in life. These transitions in themselves show us that life doesn't stand still and again, even if there is another person involved, the spouse that you are divorcing perhaps, the friend that you no longer align with, the cat that decide that it was complete with all of its nine lives in this lifetime, so many variables and yet; we are still alone in how we are processing the transition.

A friend of mine told me after her former husband passed there was a lot of people around, attention and support and then.....crickets. Silence. I have to tell you, this was some of the best news for me after Howard passed because I longed for my time to myself. I wanted that transition time to be mine so I could further figure out who I was becoming. When I got to the cricket stage, because my life is not others responsibility, they were doing their alone journey, I was sad initially and then remembered, oh yeah! This is what I was looking forward to exploring. I decided to make my crickets an orchestra and allowed them to play the most amazing music ever. They accompanied my joining up with my soul and being peaceful in that.

What happens to you when I suggest that you may be alone on this flight around this lifetime? Does it totally freak you out? It's ok if it does but DO NOT SIT IN THAT FREAK OUT. Recognize that it makes you nervous and perhaps ask why? I promise you, your soul is brilliant in choosing to come into this lifetime to learn this as well. We all did. Hmmm, perhaps in that we are not alone.

What happens when I suggest that even though the person you sign an agreement, license, lease, soul contract with has every right to want to be alone too? What if you step back and rather than seeing them as the person you thought would never leave or change their mind, is a soul doing their journey to alone? Their journey to learning who they are and the time with you has helped, but they must move on to do more of it? Doesn't that feel a little better than the ego rant you've been on about them leaving you, or you not being worthy, yada yada yada?  Plus, it's true. Who are we to say someone must stay to make us feel secure?

Do you know the difference between alone and lonely? Lonely is a sadness created from being apart from others where alone is simply being apart from others. There is a distinction there. They may both be, by definition similar, but one has a deficit to it; lonely. It has the component of sadness. That perhaps our happiness can only come from being with others? If you learn the distinction in what you are feeling, you may just find that alone feels amazing! Did you also know that alone is defined as being without equal or unique according to Webster’s Dictionary? I LOVE that. There is no other you! You are unique and by being alone, and accepting alone to be a good thing, you can learn to really appreciate that.

I wish you a most blessed discovery of your alone space. If you need help navigating that, you know where to find me. I would be happy to help shift the limiting belief system and help you realize the relationship with self is a most precious commodity.

Using some of my alone time to ponder,

Vicki

www.vickibaird.com

There is a difference between being alone and loneliness although our language teaching does not always convey it well. So often clients will say to me that they don't want to be alone. I feel a natural desire to ask if they know the difference between being alone and loneliness. To be alone is a glorious part of being human. It is where you get to know who you are and you get to assess who it is you would like to be. It is a gift that we get in coming into this world as an individual. No one else like you. Even if you are an identical twin, you have your own likes and dislikes. THAT is amazing! There is not another creature that is you. Something I am sure my mother was very grateful for as two Vicki's may have done the woman in!

Solitude, another great word, is the state of being alone without being lonely. You see, I believe what people are really trying to say to me is they don't want to be lonely. Lonely has a vibration of a deficit to me and since I feel words, the difference in the vibration of lonely and alone is fascinating to me. Lonely almost always has a feeling of missing something, someone, some emotion. The person is most missing themselves in my humble opinion. At some point along the line, they have given their happiness or power over to another completing them or filling a void they feel and this has led to that deficit.

I feel if more people were able to delineate between the feelings of deficit and desire, they would find walking this path a bit easier. When there is a deficit, a hole or something that feels like it's missing, a natural desire is to fill it up. I am sure you know someone, or are that someone perhaps, that moves from one relationship to another without ever really taking a break in between. The loneliness drives the need to fill that perceived hole with either another relationship or with other means.

On the other hand, when there is a knowing that no one can fill us up, that it is our job to do that and no one else's, we can get to the place of realizing that alone is amazing and that space is what we are really desiring. Alone is where the messages are heard, the desires can grow and a true sense of self can be developed. Without some alone time the battery does not recharge and alignment with self is really challenging. It is like listening to music with ear buds constantly and never removing the noise. How would you hear anything else? How could you hear that you actually LIKE your own company or that you had an original idea if there isn't some space for that to get in.

From a very young age we are encouraged to pair up, like this is some kind of ark or something. Perhaps in a much earlier time this was necessary for the survival of the species, but I am pretty sure that is not the case any longer, so ease up people. Date yourself. Do the work that helps you to know who you are and be good with that and THEN pair up. For goodness sake, don't do it before you know the difference between alone and lonely for you may be the one looking to fill someone else's deficit and that never works out well.

If you are already in a relationship, that is great, keep it up but do it in a healthy way where each of you have your own interests, there is room for the other to grow and an encouragement to feel fulfilled in every aspect of life. It has been my experience that the greatest sense of loneliness is being with those that you do not want to be with or who don't want to be with you and while the later part of that statement may be hard to hear, if you take the time to be good with alone, you will recognize that as a gift too. When you have taken the time to cultivate self, someone saying they no longer wish to be with you may initially sting, but you will eventually see the beauty in it because someone believed that you could be alone and be ok....now can you?

Do yourself a favor and get so good at being alone that loneliness is no longer a word in your dictionary. Contrary to what it sounds like, when one is good at being alone, they are a lot of fun to be with. The energy is clean and the relationship is authentic. Don't you want to be the example of that? I know I do.

What will you do today that encourages your strength of alone and your willingness to see to all the places that may require filling? For instance my favorite thing at the moment is bike riding. I have had offers from awesome people to take rides and I am sure one day I will, but for now, I ride solo loving the alone time and affirming that yup, I've got this ride of life. Bring it on!

Quite comfy being alone with my thoughts,
Vicki

Don't wait for the perfect scenario to be good with you. It won't happen. We can have moments of "that was amazing" or "This is the best day ever", but perfect is just not attainable. Thank goodness because that is a lot of work to maintain, I would imagine. I don't know because perfection is not something I strive for. Mostly to avoid any disappointment as I know it is an exercise in futility. But I digress, or maybe am creating another blog.

So, don't wait for any scenario to be good with you. I mean, who are you walking around with anyway? YOU! No matter where you go, there you are, following, annoying and hopefully encouraging at the same time. See, you are too busy for perfection. So, if you are walking around with you, shouldn't you like you? Shouldn't you want to hang out with you?

Do you? Do you like your own company? Do you enjoy your solitude? I'm not talking about the time you say you are alone, but in fact, are on your computer, phone,  tablet or hooked into the tv. I'm talking about the time sitting quietly in your space, or walking or connecting with the very essence that is you. ALL of you, voices in the head included! Can you be silent without exterior noise or people and be good with it?

It's weird isn't it? We've become so connected that we've unconnected from ourselves. The idea of being alone is so scary to some, they become leeches on others and even believe that someone else's presence is the reason they believe they are happy or sad or mad or elated or any other feeling you can imagine. We are not Siamese twins, unless of course you are, meant to walk around so tied into another's beingness that we cease to be one yet I meet people every week who will say, "I can't be happy without him/her." To which I usually ask, how long were they alive before they met this giver of happiness and then ultimately the perceived taker of happiness. It is never at birth! It is always later in life, yet the belief is that this other human holds the key to all their value. Bunk, I tell ya, bunk!

I know we are here to connect with others but it is only when we are able to be with self, that true connection can happen. Otherwise, we are simply looking to others to complete us (thanks a LOT Jerry McGuire movie!). Sure, it's scary looking at self and seeing if there are any redeeming qualities there and if you are someone you could love but is also the most empowering thing you can do. And guess what happens when you love and like yourself? Other people do too! How cool is that?

So, take some time this week and set an intentional time, a date with self so to speak, where you tap in and ask, "Do I like me? Do I want to spend time with me? Am I afraid if I don't connect or am I afraid if I do connect?" As I pointed out earlier, you go everywhere with you, so don't tell me there isn't time!

When you find that you are good hearing from you, or feeling what you feel, you will realize that alone is not loneliness. Alone is the filling up of your reservoir where loneliness is the draining. Alone is the centered place of solitude where loneliness is the, I need someone to fill me up.

There is one thing for certain, when you come into this world you are doing the journey alone even though people are there with you, much like when you go out, there will be souls with you, but it is still solely your journey. Don't you want to know that you rocked it by liking you and taking the time to know how great you are?

Give it a go. Really be in that alone place this week. You may find you just love it so much, you crave it. To which I will say CONGRATULATIONS! We need more centered people in this universe! The bonus to getting to this place....you really start liking other people!

Here's to being alone I won't bug you when you are. :)
Vicki