We have an amazing ability as humans. We have the ability to choose how we want to experience life. We have wonderful cognitive and emotional abilities that are meant to support us along this ride of life. Unfortunately, we often forget that we have these tools and fail to use them. Perhaps we were never told we had them to use!

I believe my emotions are how my soul speaks to me. This took me many moons to figure out, but once I did, I listen, most of the time. A work in process. All emotions are valid and if we give ourselves permission to experience them, life finds a balance.

One of the steps in Belief Re-patterning is to use permission. Last week forgiveness, a process to letting go of pain and the charge associated to old patterns, began the technique. This week, permission, helps one to move past the ways they may be acting or perceiving themselves. This is where consciously creating supportive emotions begins to happen. Consciously choosing emotions allows the brain to be calm and in time, respond with these emotions as the go to place. Emotions are neither bad nor good, they simply are, but that doesn't mean we can't improve on them and feel good in this life we are living.

During Belief Re-patterning sessions, I guide you through statements and breathing to release beliefs and emotions that are not supporting and to bring in those that are supportive. You get to take the supportive ones with you!  Isn't that great!

What do you feel you would like to give yourself permission to experience?  Permission is about moving forward and creating a life you would like to live in.
  • Do you want to give yourself permission to love you?
  • Could you give yourself permission to feel calm? Learn how to not react? To enjoy life?
  • What if you gave yourself permission to learn a new technique to bring that calmness and love to your life?
Giving yourself permission is such a loving thing to do. Most of us don't take the time to look at what isn't feeling good and needs to shift. For some reason, a lot of the people I work with are afraid to even admit things aren't as great as they could be. Like there is some award or punishment if they looked within and admitted they wanted more. Want more!  Please!

For this week, when you bump up against an emotion that doesn't feel like it supports you, look at it in the eye, be kind and then give yourself permission to release that emotion.   Start there and let me know how you do.

I give myself permission to rock this technique,
Vicki
We don't forgive others to free them, we do it to free ourselves. This week I found myself saying to Howard, "I forgive you for leaving me." It came out of the blue as I was cleaning the kitchen. Just popped right out of my mouth. It must have been ready for awhile in order to come out without thought. I immediately felt a lightness and realized the resentment I had been holding. I know he didn't go anywhere as a soul is concerned, but I promise you, he isn't cleaning the kitchen, walking the silly dog, balancing the budget, oh wait, he never did that, but he did participate in other areas and he was a physical presence that isn't there now.

Anyway, recognizing that my heart was ready to help my brain vocalize made for a pretty peaceful day. 

There are many ways we are hurt by being in relationships with others, including our pets and the world. It's easy to point a finger and say it's all about the other person but we play here too on this planet, so we have to start taking responsibility for our emotions. We have to start honoring the relationship we have with ourselves. 

One way we can feel hurt by others actions is when they leave us.  Perhaps they move out, croak, stop communicating or are ill and need to be in a facility.  Another way is emotional. Someone who is not available to their own emotions can't connect with others and that creates distance.

There can be a spiritual difference between people where it feels like someone has left. We experienced this in our marriage quite a few times. There were times where I just couldn't tolerate where Howard was in his energy and then how he connected his emotions to that. This wasn't on Howard. This was for me to figure out and communicate; or leave. 

We can't insist someone grow at the level that we would like them to.  Some people will try insisting, but the effectiveness isn't there. Each of us has to grow and want to grow at our own pace and it's none of our business if the other isn't interested in what we think. That is their right as well. 

We have been taught that if we feel hurt by someone they are automatically the bad guy or girl. Blame doesn't help in any situation. Forgiveness does. The forgiveness is often around how we think of ourselves as a result of someone's actions. Am I not lovable? Don't I deserve happiness? What's wrong with me that they left? I hear this on a weekly basis from clients and while my empathetic heart strings get pulled, I know it is their brain giving them these messages rather than their heart or soul. 

This is one of the reasons I love using the Belief Re-patterning in my business. This is exactly the type of thinking and belief systems that can be re-wired and adjusted to create a supportive message in the brain. 

This year you will hear a lot about the Belief Re-patterning because EVERYONE deserves to feel good about themselves and I intend to blast that message. Belief Re-patterning is a technique that combines statements and breathing to help create new neural pathways in the brain therefore helping us to live happy and supportive lives. Forgiveness is one of the steps in the process. I know it is the reason that I'm able to walk through the experiences of the last six months with my sanity intact and in appreciation for the process. It is also exactly why I was able to say to Howard that I forgive him for leaving me because it wasn't his leaving that was hurting, it was my belief that he chose to go without me.  I followed it up with a statement of choice in how I could see him as leaving me or how I could see him as completing his journey. I choose to see him completing his journey. This helps my brain and heart move forward. It what I truly believe, but my subconscious was a bit stuck.  It is not now. :)

So, if there's a place within your brain and heart where forgiveness lives and it could use some help in applying itself, without torture, give me a call.

I am free to believe I am right where I am meant to be. I plan to rock this year. I hope you will join me,

Vicki





I have had the privilege of being part of three incredible men's passing in these last ten months. While that may seem like an odd statement to make, it is alas, my life at the moment. It is their path, more importantly and something that makes me think and appreciate whatever I did in my life that allowed me to be in their presence.

When I was talking with the friend who is doing his transition as I write this, I asked him if he knew he was doing the hardest thing in his life thus far. He was facing his mortality but he was also being asked to trust that it was all going to be ok.  He gave me one of his chuckles and a look that I've come to read as "Vicki, I like you, but you are one weird duck."  He said to me last week that I ask hard questions and I could stop that now. I love honesty... and hard questions.

Even if he didn't completely believe it, spiritually, he was letting go and doing the path we will all do one day. It was as he told me how much he was going to miss that he also realized how much he had lived. I won't even try to describe the beauty that was in his face and being when he got that. I don't have words for it. Language doesn't have a description for it.

I am always amazed by the human spirit and the strength we all have. These three men have shown me strength in ways I wish I had seen before a disease process made it necessary. All three guys were quiet, loving, perhaps had challenges with communication, yet funny men. At least I thought they were funny. All three have had profound effects on my life by being themselves. By doing the best they could through this process we call life. All three said the same thing to me during our chats during transition; I hope I told the people in my life I loved them enough. Usually followed with; I don't think I did. Now, I was married to one and know he said I love you a lot so his I was able to assure he had done well. The other two and I weren't exactly in that place of expression until the end of their physical life so I can't say for sure if they said but I know with my entire being that they showed it. I assured them they did by witnessing how many people loved them back.

Can I tell you that the three dudes were in incredibly, mind blowingly high pain, and this was their concern. Did they express that they loved and appreciated the people in their life. The strength it takes to wonder that when your entire being is shutting down rocks my world. I'm not sure I would be that strong. I'm not sure, with who I am today, that I would be wondering that. This is where the major impact comes in. I don't want to be wondering that. I know these guys were doing their process but I am a good student and pay attention to the messages coming at me, especially when it is in threes!

What if we all benefit from these three regular dudes and their willingness to answer the tough questions, not only mine, but of their soul? Let's learn from them and gather our strength to show those we have in our lives that we love and appreciate them. Let's decide that showing we care is a great strength and have the vulnerability they showed, be theirs. I know I wondered after Howard passed if he knew how much I loved him. I could see where I was creating issues for myself because it was obvious I did, but really, only because of the last three years of twenty seven did I have that assurance. Had he passed before that, I know it would have bugged me longer because before then it was hard for me show as deeply as I did, even him, that I loved him. We all have this capacity to wonder and my hope is that even if you don't know my amigos, you learn as well from their courage in talking with me and my open book life policy. :)

I know it can be scary to tell someone how much you care, but take the leap and realize even if they don't love you as much, you just checked off the most questioned item by those who are crossing and that is fantastic.

To the guys that have been such a huge part of my life, I love you infinitely and let's remember your promise not to scare me when you pop in to visit!

Learning to express my greatest self with love,
Vicki


The first day of the year is a fascinating specimen isn't it? It is both a day of revolution and of reflecting. We've made our way around the sun and have seen another year of how life revolves. I, for one, am a little road weary while remaining grateful that I am here to experience who I am at this moment.

I say at this moment because it really does change from moment to moment. I meet with so many people who are focused on who they want to be and who are running from who they perceive themselves to be. Rarely is someone present enough to be who they are in that moment. Of course we are a compilation of all of our experiences but does that mean we have to carry all that stuff with us everywhere and either be stuck in it or running from it?

Reflection is great and I do believe a great tool for each of us to use, but if you are staring in the mirror with the intent of finding all the issues, I promise you, you will find them and only them. Reflections can be altered by the surface in which you are using to see yourself. Consider a calm lake; if someone throws a rock in and it creates a ripple, there is no longer a flat surface to observe ourselves. Life has ripples. It has some pretty amazing waves sometimes and we can't always reflect in the same place we are when we experience the ripples.

I know I did a fantastic job being present for Howard during his transition journey. I KNOW it, but yet there are times when I question if he knew how much I love him and was I my best self during that time or any time in our marriage for that matter. I know this is part of my process and while I am not always a fan of the feelings, I embrace the fact that I enjoy reflection and am so grateful to be able to realize that if I'm reflecting on something that happened even yesterday, I am looking at it from the place of having dropped the pebble in to create a ripple. I can't ever recreate the situation as it was. I can't have the clear reflection of the moment back. It has passed so I have to be willing to appreciate that I did the best I could with what I had at the time.

This is a challenge for many people. I often have to suggest they leave the billy club that they beat themselves up with in my office and not take it with them any longer. We can't ever go back to where we were. No one else can either so stop expecting them to know how you felt yesterday, last week or a year ago. Get in the game and evolve as we revolve. We can use our lives as mirrors but if we are going to abuse the mirror or criticize it, it will never be a helpful tool.
  • What if for this year you reflected on the ripples you experienced this last year and how you could appreciate yourself for being there?
  • What if for this year you set the intention of using your personal mirror as a tool to see what you do WELL and how you can enhance that?
  • What if for this year you allowed your reflection to show the amazing being it sees whether calm or with ripples?
  • What if you accepted that your presence in this life is a gift and reflecting your greatness is what you can gift back?
  • What if, just what if, we showed up in the moment, present and willing to see the beauty in each of us? Can you imagine?
I intend for this year to leave my own billy club by the door and not take it with me any longer. As I was preparing the attached info to help you create your own great 2016, I found pictures Howard took on the last trip we made together two weeks before he went in the hospital. At first it was a big ole ripple and hard to look at but then I found a picture he took of me kayaking. I probably should have expected him to be there with the camera but I was in my own world and so present I didn't see him on the dock.

There is a series of pictures of my concentrating on my approach ( I am not known for my grace in paddling into docking stations!). As I looked through the pictures my critic wanted to chime in on how they weren't good pictures, but then I saw the one where I realized he was taking pictures. The look on my face as I realize it's him shows how much I love him and am happy to see him. It is at this moment that I realized if he didn't know how much I loved him at that moment, then he wasn't present and as observant as I gave him credit for and there isn't anything I can do about that now. It was really freeing to have that, thank you Howard and my guides for reflecting in pictures what the greatest meaning of the word can be; showing each other our light and love.


Let's set the intention to show this love this year, for self and then radiate it out. So much so that next year when we reflect we will have to wear shades!

I'm going to get a bigger mirror,
Vicki

Now for some manifesting fun:

The New Year is a great time to affirm what you want to bring into your life and your path. As the year shifts, it allows us an opportunity to focus on our own shifts.

This year encourages us to fly, to use our intuition and to create out of the greatest possibility. Does it get any better? So, I intend for you a year of manifestations that bring all that you feel is in your highest interest. I encourage you to keep in mind to be mindful of what you ask for as you may just get it. Luckily, the stages and shifting of energy continue so we get to do it many times all year!

You can't do anything wrong with the process below so have fun and dream well. 

You may want to print this out, just a thought.

1) Write out a list, (write it out so it has your energy attached) of all those things that you would like to be done with. This can be literal such as clutter in the home, a person in your life, weight, sadness, whatever you would like to not have in your life anymore, write it down.

2) Take this list and wrap it with a red ribbon, yes yarn will work too, any shade of red. Put it aside.

3) Now, take a deep breath and center back in and write all those things or experiences that you would like to bring into your life, such as financial abundance, love, travel, fun etc. Whatever makes your heart sing and roll that up and wrap it with a red ribbon. (Red ribbon is not necessary but does amp it up.)

4) You will take these lists outside, to keep the energy out of your house and to send into the universe, and starting with the one where you let go, burn it, being safe to catch the ashes in a fireproof object. When it completely burns out and there are no embers, blow the ashes out into the universe wishing them well and feeling lighter because you have released all that stuff you have been carrying.

5) Now, take the other list, the one you are wanting to bring to you and burn that as well. You are following up with positive energy and a statement to the universe that you trust. Even if you feel this is silly, it will still work so no worries. Repeat the part about blowing it out into the universe and then take a moment to "see" your life as it will be.

6) Remember to say thank you before going back inside, to the universe but also to yourself for participating in your own journey.

Kids love this ceremony, yup probably because they get to burn things, but also because it makes sense to their energy so have them do the above mentioned process as well. Just be sure to respect their privacy and allow them to write whatever they would like. Teaching them it is ok to ask is a great thing too!

Be safe in your burning and let the manifesting begin!

People are amazing. The expressions of caring I have received over the last four months has been beyond my comprehension at times. I am truly blessed by the relationships I have cultivated even when I wasn't aware I was doing it.

Someone, well-meaning I am sure, said to me "It must be so hard to go through this and be upright every day."  Maybe my matter of fact energy was working overtime that day or I was simply tired of the sympathetic responses, but I came back with "No, not really. This is life and life is different now, but that is part of the discovery, isn't it?"

I appreciated her concern but if you've ever gone through an experience where people have to process their own emotions, i.e. someone passing, job loss, diagnosis, house on fire, dog died, etc., you know how tiring it can be to process that over and over again with the people in your life. Sympathy, to me, always comes from someone working through their stuff and usually has an "oh, that's so sad, heartbreaking, troubling, etc.", whereas empathy comes from "Hey, I've been there, I understand and I support your process."

This is life people. Change happens; every day. Get used to it and stop taking it so personally. See the adventure in it and what you could discover about yourself and how you handle change. That is a good indication of where your emotional health is. Go to sympathy or anger with news and you may have a lot of self-work to do, also called discovery.  If you are able to be in empathy and realize whatever is going on isn't happening to you but you can help and support if you want to, good for you.

If it is happening to you, pay attention to how you walk through the experience. All emotions are valid but we have a choice of how long we remain in each.

This part of my life is hard, it is very freaking hard, but being reminded it MUST be hard does not help. My choice is to recognize it is, and to honor those feelings, then move on because....this is life. Perhaps I have said that before.

Guess what else is changing? The year. We are heading into 2016 where as I have stated before, it is a time to fly. Whatever flight means to you, at whatever height, and whatever speed. Let's stop comparing ourselves to others this year as well. Wouldn't that be refreshing?  Wouldn't it be nice to be you in whatever form that is and appreciate yourself for it? If there is one thing I have learned emphatically this year it is that there is no time for the pretending to be other than who I am. I choose to be me and see how high I can fly.

Care to join me?

Up, up and away,
Vicki


You know you've had a busy December when several people ask you, "are you going to do your energy report for next year soon?"  Ooops, I forgot that I have even done them every year! Roller coaster anyone?

Well, if 2015 has seemed like one to you, you are not alone.  As I wrote last year, this was going to be the year of in your face. Items avoided were going to pop up their lovely head, issues pushed away were going to rear up and bite you in the other end and relationships that were not serving were going to make an exit stage left.  And did they? In your life if you did not pay attention, did these things happen?  Perhaps they weren't dramatic in their happening but I bet you were aware just the same.

When a friend asked me how I would summarize this year's energy I laughed and said, "WTF?”. I know I felt that way for most of it. I knew all of the experiences were an opportunity but wholly moly, enough of the growing already. Expansion really does hurt sometimes. Not only did the dude complete his contract but many people I considered loved ones and friends exited that stage left and while I now sit in a place of gratitude for the universe helping them leave; it all was a bit much. Grieving a spouse and friend is enough while trying to stay upright. People who professed to care and then showed their true selves, was quite another. I know, I know, I could have read my own blog from last year and known this was going to happen but I have that annoying trait that believes people are actually going to act with heart. I'm learning, I'm learning. (For the record, I am learning to allow people to show me who they really are. I am not going to change the fact I believe we can come from a heart space, because that I know to be true!)

I hope 2015 helped you learn that taking care of things as they reveal themselves is a lot less work then waiting until they pile up. Sort of like the dishes. If you use just one plate, wash it. It feels good to have it done and won't accumulate resentment as you add the glass, bowl and pan to the pile. It also creates a habit of being present and aware of your surroundings. Try it, it really is quite fun after a while.  Anywho, 2015 was the mama bird pushing us out of the nest.  2016 is where we get to fly if we trust our own wings.

Twenty sixteen is the first phase of SHOW YOUR BEAUTIFUL SELF! It's not an official series of years, yet, but that is what I am calling it until it catches on. Every year has its own vibration and as I stated last year, we have been putting in the time and effort to arrive in a place where we can shine and feel great about that. So many of us were taught to dim the light, don't make waves, make everyone happy and all the other well meaning, although energetically discordant, messages. They don't resonate with ourselves and it is time to realize when we believe in self, that energy can multiply and inspire others to believe in themselves. The ripple effect is magnificent. Even the smallest stone can create a ripple.

The behaviors of judgement, hatred, racism, sexism or any other separatism is fading. Sure, we will always have those young souls that are scared by people knowing themselves because they don't know who they are inside, but energy is universal and when it starts to shift, whether someone wants to go or not, they are taken with it. We have a choice of where we float our boat of course, but I promise you, no one is exempt from feeling the waves of spiritual energy that is life force and within all of us.

This is especially true of those who have crossed.  How about a high five for the help they give us from the other side as they do their growing without their human ego?  I am appreciative as it lends to us the pure love we are all striving to learn.  So, even when you miss them, give an expression of gratitude for their continued help, would you?

So, if you were going to trust that you can fly out of that 2015 nest and fly in the energy of 2016, what could you do now that would support that feeling?  Perhaps you could start by realizing that your first flight does not have to be from the top of a great Sequoia tree, maybe a sapling in the front yard is a good start. But go on, what is one thing you would like to change or improve and what is the first step you can take in order to do that?  If this stumps you, reach out and ask for help.  Seek council, ask a friend, go within, come see me, ask your angels, something that helps you identify the subject and then one small flight plan to create movement.


Shining bright is our soul right. Turning on that light is our human responsibility. Turn on your bright self and take flight to wherever it is your heart and soul are leading you. Please do this for yourself and for the universe we share. Let's create a movement of believing in self so much that when someone does something we don't agree with, we observe it but not take it personally. I believe that when one knows themselves and trusts who they are, what others do is their business and lessens the need to compete.

Hey, there is such things as lightning bugs....maybe we can all be lightning birds. Taking flight with our light!

I'll be looking for your light to shine as a beacon!
Vicki


...what if we gave the holiday heartache perception a break? A holiday for the holiday's so to speak. What if for this year, and if it catches on, we can extend it to the following years, the whole, "the holidays are so tough to go through" verbiage goes away?

For obvious reasons, people are extending their well wishes to me and my family this holiday season and almost without fail the intro is "the holiday's must be tough...". Well, maybe I am insensitive or I am splitting hairs but no, the holidays aren't tough to go through. The holidays are the one predictable event someone who has experienced a change in their life, such as someone croaking, can depend on. The days are specific, even set up on the calendar way in advance, some even falling on the same day each year. How wonderful is that? If you choose to be in sorrow those days, well, it's already figured out for you. You can plan to be sad, lonely or cranky on those days. Premeditated pouting.

If you are like me, you can also plan to honor those days and perhaps be in silence, go for a long walk or be with those that make your heart sing. You can wake up with the intention of being grateful for the times and holidays you have spent with the loved one previous to this year. You can be assured that the holiday will pass and the day after the holiday will come along and you made it through and life can return to normal.

Except, what is normal? Sure the days of the week fall in a great pattern and are predictable as well, but for me, I have not found a pattern to when my head will remember Howard isn't coming in the door after having coffee with a friend. A pattern to when I am grocery shopping and it hits me I don't have to buy Arizona Green Tea anymore. Sometimes I can make it through a whole shopping trip and not even consider it and sometimes, whoa, right there in the beverage aisle, very deep breathing to get through the rest of the trip where I purchase drinks for myself only while sucking back the tears until I get to the car. Sometimes I make it and sometimes I don't.

My point is this life process is unpredictable enough without setting ourselves up for tougher times. What if we said, wow, the holidays are a fantastic time to reflect on the silly, fun, fattening, and heartfelt times we've spent together? What if we returned to the true feeling of the holidays of helping others and putting down our electronic devices and connecting with each other, nature or selves if that is your preference?

What if we realized that the "stuff" we are buying isn't filling us up and realize what our hearts and souls are yearning for is to be seen, heard, participatory and in awe of the time and people we are so fortunate to know. Ourselves included. What if we gave ourselves the gift of appreciating this time of year and the fact that we have time to spend?  Not to be maudlin, but I'd love more time with Howard as I am sure you would love more time with those who have crossed in your life.  We can't have that in the physical, but we can learn from it.

What if for this year, and if it catches on, we can extend it, we stop wasting time on tired old phrases and assuming things have to be hard and start appreciating who is in our lives and make the connections that matter to the heart. What if you give yourself and others that gift this year and see if it isn't the perfect size after all?

One of the messages I have heard repeatedly over the years from those who have crossed is that the "Stuff" is of no concern to them. They love spending time with us. I believe they have it correct and I intend to listen. Do you?

If you see me in the store and I am doing my deep breathing exercise, please know, there are so many moments of sheer joy that take my breath away too when I remember those who have crossed and no matter the emotion, I am grateful to have it for it means I too, loved and am loved.

Celebrating every day as its own holiday,
Vicki


Copyright © 2015 Vicki's View

Designed by