One of the phrases that I have kept in mind over the last few years is; explaining is draining. When we feel the need to explain, it takes away energy from what you know and gives it to doubt in self or in what you are explaining. I used to fall into this hoping to convince both others and myself that it was ok to do whatever I was doing. One day I realized just how much effort that took and decided my time was better spent elsewhere.
I believe we fall into this behavior because of a need to have others approve of us. Of course we want to be part of a community and inclusive of others lives but their approval is not necessary in order to enjoy our lives. Just look at social media and the incredible energy spent there where for some who you can feel are posting so someone will say, oh you poor thing, or whoa, that is impressive or anywhere in between. Very rarely do people participate just because it is fun. I love social media and probably share way too many pictures of the dog but I do it because it lights me up or made me laugh at the time. If no one commented or liked a post, I really would be ok, I was before facebook. It's my form of artistic expression, such that it is. :)
Do you ever find yourself explaining why you do something or why you like something? Does it border on justification? There is a difference in demonstrating why you like something and defending it. Demonstrating will have excitement to it. An, I can't wait to share this, feeling. Explaining will sound like you are making sure I know every detail to be sure it is ok for you like whatever it is. Just like it. It really is ok.
One of the examples of this I see a lot is a person feeling the need to explain why they are dating the person they are dating. Really? That is none of my business. There should only be two people in a relationship with others butting the heck out. It may not be someone we want to date, but we don't get a say, we really don't, so explaining why is either because you are asking me to approve, something that is not within my power, or you are hoping I will talk you out of dating the person. Unless there is a real safety issue, I am not going to do that. Often this frustrates people but the explaining can be just as draining on the person listening!
It takes courage to know yourself well enough to not have to explain why you do or don't do something, but the trust is worth it. There is a weight lifted off the shoulders when we can depend on ourselves and appreciate others input, but not rely on it to make any kind of decision.
Observe yourself over the next few weeks and see if you find yourself explaining and if you find it draining. If you do, don't judge just say perhaps, heck no, I won't go. Get your rhyming groove in the right direction. Channel your inner Dr. Seuss:
I deserve the very best, it is my souls wish.
When I start to explain I will use the energy
of Red fish, blue fish.
Have fun with this exercise, what is the point otherwise?
Off to connect with Horton and the he heard,
Vicki
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