Say what? Do I OP and then UD? Speak English Vicki!
Ok, I will.
Do you Over Promise and then Under Deliver? Perhaps you know right off the bat whether you do this or not. If you don't, here are some questions you could ask to see if this is the case for you?
- Do you find yourself committing to things and promising that you'll get them done and then not completing them?
- Do you overstate your capabilities and then scramble to try to catch up to what you've promised?
- Do you find yourself committing and saying you'll get something done simply because you don't want to have a conversation about not doing it?
- Is there any part of you that agrees to the over extension of self so that it doesn't disappoint others? (This is a trick question. It is not possible to disappoint other people. What they feel is up to them. You're only responsible for your actions and feelings.)
- Do you overestimate how much can be done in a 24 hour time frame? Sleep is important you know.
By now you get the point. It is so common in our society to agree to do something even when we do not feel like we want to participate. I have found myself in a similar situations many times in the past. I made a commitment to myself a year ago to only say yes to invitations I truly wanted to attend. This can be a meeting, birthday party, a collaboration, or an invitation to hang out. There are endless situations it can be. The important part is being connected to self enough that you recognize when you're agreeing simply to agree and to not make waves. Go authentically or don't go at all.
When we over promise and under deliver it serves no one. We often feel like we are adding more stress to life, leading to resentment and a good old fashioned pity party. The other person can feel that they weren't heard, that they were lied to, or that you are untrustworthy. Neither side benefits in an interaction like this.
Besides, don't you know when another person is handing you a line of hooey? Can't you tell when they haven't completed the job or task, called the person they said they would, or researched the information they promised to get to? Of course you can. People aren't as good of poker players as they like to think they are. I don't know about you, but I find it very frustrating to work, live, hang out with someone who isn't present and someone who is over promising to the point of distraction, can't be present.
I'm going to suggest we do something radical. What if we were honest about what we could manage in a time frame and committed to that? What if we decided to stop bs'ing ourselves and others and say honestly no, I didn't get that done. No, that is not going to be possible in that time frame. No thank you, I really do not intend to volunteer for one more committee. Goodness, thank you for asking, but I would rather not be the matron of honor at your dog's wedding. Hey, it could happen.
What if, we stopped long enough to ask ourselves what we would like to say in response and hold our space of authenticity and respect for the other person? What if we believed the world was not going to end if we didn't overextend ourselves? I'm telling you, we would have more time for fun if we stopped dancing around subjects.
It is a very freeing feeling to be so truthful with self that you're able to tap in at a moment's request and respond appropriately. When you know what your guidelines are in life and what matters to you, the gift is being centered and very sure of your yes's and no thank you's. When here, you can determine if the opportunity being presented is one that a little scrambling would pay off and feel exhilarating and so worth it! Or if it doesn't feel good, you can step away from the over promise because you will surely under deliver in an attempt to find balance.
I recognize that one tendency of over promising is to avoid spending time with self, but that is another whole blog post! For now I will suggest you look at that and see if there is any truth to it and then realize wherever you go, you go so spending time with you is already happening!
Take into considerations the requests of your time this week and be conscious about how you are answering the requests. Realizing that some are going to be things that may have to be done and that is fine, but what about the ones where you are giving yourself away and not listening to that voice inside that says you don't want to. The excuse of I don't have time is just that, an excuse, when you look at your commitments and weed out the ones that don't light you up.
Be kind to you when you do this and realize it is a lifelong process of balance and you WILL get it. :)
Easily applying the words no thank you,
Vicki
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