One of the things that is certain is, you will not get out of this lifetime without having some type of relationship. Lately I have been paying attention to the relationships in my life and deciding which ones I want to invest my energy on. I think it's healthy to do this periodically as we change, others change and why hang onto one that is not serving.
As I was doing my evaluation of self and asking where I might improve in my relationship with others, I found myself creating questions regarding what type of relationships I had. It stands to reason that with each relationship there would be different dynamics. For instance the relationship with your spouse, will have different elements than a relationship with a friend, or at least it had better or the relationship with your spouse will not last! Due to the variables in all of us, how we interact with each person and their variables can be vastly different.
When our kids were growing up, and sometimes now even as adults, I have had to remind them that I wasn't their buddy, dude, homie or girl, I was Mom (Vic) and they would be wise to remember that when talking with me. Being aware of the guidelines in a relationship can mean all the success in the world.
During my self assessment I came up with three areas that I thought were pretty smart and would help me decide how to identify where a relationship stood. I asked myself if it was:
Co-dependent- did either of us depend on the other to be in their life as if it was a lifeline? Similar to that whole "you complete me" bologna. Assessing if I was the person needing to be needed and if that gave me identity or if the other person was clinging and I was done carrying their energy. This type of relationship can be very draining for both parties.
Co-existent- are we in each others life due to obligation, guilt or "have to"? Are either one of us too chicken to say, hey, this isn't what I want right now. Have we decided we are tolerating each other because we share some DNA? Is the other person done with me and I know it but don't want to be the one to mention it? (This is rare, I will mention it, wish them well and relieve them of my presence.) This type is also draining until a conversation is had and then it can shift to nourishing.
Co-Operative- This one is my favorite. Are we two individuals that accept each other for who we are, in all our greatness, and choose to be in each others life? This is the type of relationship that fills you up, not depletes you. Can we say ANYTHING to the other and have it be received as it is intended without reading anything into it? Can we trust that this person will not hold back if you are wearing something hideous, have said something insensitive, or are not being supportive to yourself?
I am very blessed to have quite a few of the last category in my life. I like to think it is because I am willing to see my stuff and take responsibility for whatever I may have done when not in my most shining moments. I also hope that as the years go by, I learn how to be more of that person in the relationship that thinks of the other and offers compassion, humor and an occasional, are you really going to wear that? It takes a lot of courage to co-operate with me. :)
What type of relationships are you cultivating in your life? What kind of relationship do you have with self? After all, this is the most important relationship we can have. Are you willing to put a little time into assessing the way you interact with the world and kick it up a notch where it feels like you may be living in the first two categories? I hope you are.
Co-living on this wonderful Earth we have,
Vicki
0 comments:
Post a Comment